It's becoming a habit

Says she who is not being forced to work from home late into the night and weekends.  Though to be fair I have only done a hour or so this weekend but it has put me on the back foot for tomorrow. 

Why am I on the back foot? Well, because I still need to finish a revised Pricing Proposal excel spreadsheet off ready for QA and 2 bridging tools, the latter of which, for those uninitiated of you, is a tool that drops a load of data from a load of spreadsheets into one spreadsheet and populates a ton of tables and graphs that said spreadsheet already holds as blank templates.  Which, of course, saves a ton of time than collating it all inidividually but I still don't have time for the fiddliness of repeatedly telling it 9 times which spreadsheets I want it to drop into the file and then rename all the columns and then do that twice.....breathe.

And I would be at that all day, without the 2-3 hour planning session I have tomorrow for the next 3 cohorts of bids (32 contracts in total over the next 4 months....because we don't do anything simply).

So on a train tomorrow at 6am I will start my first bridging tool and then I can get those over to my boss so he can be analysing them while I hold the planning meeting, then I will update the Pricing Proposal and then have everyone urgently QA it....wait, that means I will be updating that on the train too....so I can finalise the document and get it out to the bidders.

Can you see me drawing up the project plan late into tomorrow night?  Yes, me too.  Oh well, it keeps me out of mischief.

Have a great week everyone.

 

Can't quite put my finger on it

This last week or two I have been feeling somewhat strange, stranger than normal.  Kind of 'meh' some days and others, and more so lately, I feel as though something heavy is sat on my chest. I know this is anxiety and as I am already on two different medications that should help it, one of which is a by-product of medication diagnosed for something else they don't seem to be working so well.  Maybe I should stop taking all of my medications, every one of them and see if they are causing 'meh'....

 

'Meh' would be a good name for the diagnosis of a condition.  After all, more and more people are saying they feel 'meh', more so on facebook as that is a Smiley Face icon description.  If it was the name of a condition you could respond to a question asking you how you are by say 'I'm okay, just feeling a bit Meh today' and they will have no idea if you are referring to the condition or just feeling meh.

 

There is precedent for this kind of thing because it already work in general converstion.  People say they are going to kill someone when they have no intention of doing so or you hear 'I could murder a pint' when referring to the desire to drink alcohol and you cannot physically murder a pint of anything really can you?

 

You hear people say 'I have work coming out of my ears' or 'I have work up to my eyeballs.'  Neither of which is true.  It's physically impossible to have work coming out of your ears although the mental picture I have of it at the moment is quite amusing but lets face it, it would really hurt in reality and would not be funny at all.  

 

As for work up to my eyeballs; rarely seen although 20 years ago my place of work supplied 'pigeon racks'.  Essentially a set of 5 document holders held up on metal legs that was placed on your desk at work.  The files and paperwork were placed in the document holders so it was constantly in your eyeline.  A dual purpose in my mind; you cannot see anyone else's face to talk too and the pressure of the work constantly in front of your face provided the incentive to get it done.  We aren't tortured to that extent now, after all, ingenious people such as myself learnt to bend downwards and have a conversation with the person on the opposite desk through the legs of the rack.  Good riddance to the pigeon holders I say; bending down could have caused back injuries......

 

How about someone saying 'He is doing my head in'....?  That is more likely than the ability to murder a pint, after all it is physically possible for someone to do your head in by bashing you over the head with a baseball bat.  Unlikely though as many of us do not wish to spend the rest of our lives sharing a 6x10 space with another person.

 

I am conscious that many of my readers (see how I say that like there are lots when there are very few if any...) will have never heard these references, even those in other parts of the UK, as they may be regional in nature so forgive me as I am just rambling after all.

 

On another note; today is the 24th March and we woke up this morning to a frozen car!  Now what is that all about?  Does Jack Frost not know that spring is here and he should be hibernating?!  It is no wonder my dogs are trying to wrap themselves in tiny tiny balls of fluff.  The fire is roaring as my feet are freezing but it has a habit of blowing out on it's own lately. I will know when it does as my feet will start to freeze up rather than thaw. 

 

One of the problems with working at home out of your front room is that it is easy to get distracted as the world goes by.  So far this morning I have deduced that someone's drains are blocked and someone is having some work completed on their roof.

 

The problem with feeling 'meh' is that I do not have any energy or desire to do any work (it is my non-working day so I am not slacking as such) but I have to find the energy as I need to spend most of the day preparing evidence for my end of year report.  I am not one to sell myself; I go to work, do it as well as I can and then come home.  The need to have to use flowery language and buzz words to show what I do for the year is just 'not me' and I hate it.  Besides always having a good result in my end of year reports I wish I could opt out.  The need to get this work done is very important yet I cannot find the desire to do it at all.  I just want to put my PJs back on and snuggle up in bed with a good book and snooze as needed!

 

So far I have distracted myself with a stupid programme, an hour on a computer game and the blog.  I have wasted 3 hours and what for.  Just because I am feeling 'meh'.  Well, I had better get a 'shift on' and do it. 

 

What I learned this week tomorrow folks and I will try to make it more upbeat than my last 2 paragraphs!

 

It's cold up North

Another day, another train. I am sure that even people in other countries have heard the jokes about our train system. I, touch wood, have had no such trouble since starting my new job. 

Then again, I do catch a train just after 5am and as the train sleeps overnight at the town I live in, it can't really be late can it?  What, with being one of the first trains  of the morning! Unless it was frozen....

So you would think I would be happy, which I am (glass half full and all of that) and that I had nothing to moan about. And I don't. 

I do have an observation though. Although the train leaves on time it's cold because it's not had time to warm its cockles as my mum would say. 

This morning I sat on the train attempting to snuggle up like a little hedgehog in hibernation which is kind of impossible seen as I don't have prickles and I am to fat to fold myself in a ball. 

It's a rare occurrence these days. Me being cold. I used to be cold all the time. Fires roaring in August, hot water bottles practically strapped to my body, heating on full blast, hubby in the garden fanning himself cool before he melted like a snowman in hell. Well, you get the idea. 

Not, though, for the last 2 years. It turns out that having various bits cut and removed from your body can raise your temperature. I blame the hormones. They were to blame for the migraines; I'm sure they won't mind me tagging other illnesses onto the list of reasons they were not good for me. 

Let's not forget that Hubby must be grateful they are gone. There are no more  days each month where I locked myself away in a room for fear of ripping someone's head off for breathing. Now it's just normal bad moods. Ha. 

Back to the train;  after eating Milky Way yoghurts (not really yoghurts - melted chocolate and cream - amazingly good for the arteries) and deciding it wasn't a good idea to eat something cold I tried to snuggle up as close to the side of the carriage. As close as I could get and I tried to find a way of resting my feet and ankles on the heater that runs down the side of the cabin. That worked until a man sat opposite me. 

I wished I had worn more than my usual fleece and I longed for my clothes - the first time in 2 years. Note to self: gloves do not take up that much room in the everything but the kitchen sink bag. 

Imagine my delight as I walked into the office building to a heater blowing glorious warmth at me. It was no surprise that I promised to return with my laptop to keep the security man company if the office was not as warm as the lobby. At least he wouldn't have given me more work! 

Which mobile is ringing again?

Do you recall that feeling when you get a new mobile phone and the first time it rings you have no idea it is yours?  Yes, well I had that today.  I sat at a desk in Sheffield and a phone started ringing and I sat there merrily typing away knowing it wasn't the Apple phone ringing because Cala Fluff wasn't smiling at me from it's screen.

Except it was for me.  It was the work mobile that was charging and vibratiing around the floor.  My new manager testing out my new number.  I should have answered the phone and said "Good evening, Battersea Dogs Home.  How may I help you?"

It has only taken 2 months to get the phone to me.  It's amazing how completed requests attached to emails get lost in the internal email ethos.  So there will be no more answering my personal mobile in a professional voice though I am not convinced I did that anyway and even if I did the fluff bags ruined it when they started barking in the background.

There will be no more worrying about whether my 750 contract minutes were going to stretch to all the hour long telekits I had been dialling into because my home phone randomly isn't working.  Or the amusement or lack off when the fluff bags decide they want to join in the conversation or is it rip the delivery person's leg off who has dared to try and do his job and deliver a parcel?

Except the phone is rubbish so I am tempted to divert it to the Apple phone but on the downside I will still have no idea if it is a work call or not as all internal work numbers are automatically number blocked.  At least I know it is a work call if the work mobile rings and I would know it wasn't the Apple ringing because I would never knowing choose such a bad ringtone.

I will also need a bigger handbag - it is already stuffed full of my purse, keys, phone and other unimportant equally important stuff.  After all, there will be less room for pop now!

Hubby rang on my Apple earlier and so I knew I was in trouble.  My hands and elbows are so painful today and having had to drag a suitcase around, along with a rucksack carrying the work laptop and paperwork that cannot go in the suitcase because it is too big to keep near me on a train, and my fit to bursting almost empty handbag I haven't really helped them.  The tramadol has to wait until I get to the hotel room as I cannot very well get here and say "Sorry, Tramadol calls I am off to the hotel for a couple of hours, will be back soon.  Ta Ta for now." can I?  

So Hubby was calling to check that I was safe and sound in a hotel room dosed up and resting my extremeties.  I should have gone there after my last training course and meeting finished at 3pm - except it was past 6pm, the person that lives in the tannoy has just announced that the building would close in less than an hour, and I had emails to do and documents to save to my desktop so I could work in the hotel room on the train to London tomorrow morning.

I could have tried lying but lets face it if the other extremely busy sad individual still at work at that time receives a phone call Hubby was going to ask why I have a man in my room.  Would he accept room service? So I told the truth and went home 5 minutes later, honest.

 

Contract Cross-Eyed!

It's 7pm on a Tuesday evening and I am sure I can think of something better to do than trawl through all the emails, finance documents, specification and invitation to tender documents for a procurement done in 2011 to do a cursory check that we have a sufficient audit trail for the VAT decision made.  You know, something better like picking my eyeballs out with a toothpick......

Remind me again why I decided that a 2 year stint learning all about VAT and how it affects government contract would be a great idea.

I have spent nearly 3 hours trawling through the documents and reading the specification and drawing up a nice excel table with my findings and VAT decision.  And that is just one contract out of 20 which apparently 'is the first half' of what I am to consider.

Of course being the freak that I am I can sit here and provide a list of why this exercise has been good for me.  For a start it gives me a level of confidence in my VAT understanding that I didn't have for 2 years and I am learning all about the documents I will soon be putting together for my own contracts.  My new manager thinks it's a great idea to give me a key work objective to upskill the commercial environment in it which could serve me well if I ever was stupid enough to want promotion.

Now you are all riveted aren't you?  Yes I suspect you are now wanting to shove those toothpicks underneath your finger nails.  After all, my confidence and knowledge level holds no interest for you guys.

So what else can I tempt you with?

The fact that I am listening to Christmas songs on the 21st of January?  The fact that it is an album of Christmas songs by a country music?  That I think their voices are lovely and gentle with that slight country twang to the tone of voice?  No?  Well, I thought that would have interested you.  After all, it may show that I am losing my marbles slowly.  On second reflection it may convince you never to read this blog again.

How about a story of how I was eating a family bag of Galaxy Bites earlier today and holding my hand stretched out to keep the bag open on my knee while I was playing a computer game with the other?  How that bag didn't stay on my hand and most of the bites dropped on the floor?  

I suspect you are not surprised by that at all; the fluff bags were though when they heard the clattering.  Within 2 milliseconds they were all started scurrying around to scoop them up.  Well except for Fredster Fluff who never gets involved in any shenanigans for fear of being told off.
 
How about how all 3 girlie fluffs then tried doggy handling my office chair out of the way to get the ones their little necks couldn't stretch too?  How about how Lily fluff has been intermittently trying to get to one she thinks is behind the computer desk and printer all afternoon?  How Abi thinks that as she is so much skinnier she can sneak in between the side of the office desk and wall to try and get to it without me noticing to get it when I am still sat in the office chair? 

How about how all 3 girlie fluffs then displayed a, what would have been impressive under any other circumstances, gang mentality not 20 minutes later when trying to convince me that time had stood still and it wasn't really 2pm but 3.30pm and time for their tea?  How I randomly shouted "SHUT UP! NO!" or that it had absolutely no effect whatsoever?  That it was probably the sugar kicking in that had them so excited because clearly they were not hungry because they had only just eaten so richly?

As you can tell I have been having fun today.

 

On my travels

Today will be my first day away from home this week.  Initially it was a one day meeting in Sheffield and then I suddenly realised that I had a Continuing Professional Development training course in Leeds the following day - I may or may not have only remembered because I was sent an agenda.   

Journeys to both cities can be done in a day.  For example; a 5.39am train to Sheffield will get me into the Sheffield office by 8.45 and I can do a full days work before catching a train just before 5pm to get me back in my house by 8.30pm.  Leed is a similar journey.  Except that doesn't make a whole lot of sense when I can get from Sheffield to Leeds in 45 minutes.

With permission from my manager I have booked myself into a hotel near the station and very close to Leeds town centre.  I do get there too late for most of the shops which my bank account is silently thankful for but it does mean that I have enough time to grab some dinner and see a film at the cinema.

Beautiful B thinks I am crazy for being quite happy to go to the cinema on my own.  I've never had a problem with it; probably gained when I was 12 years old when having to see Dirty Dancing 10 times on my own after my friends got fed up of wanting to see it after the second time. 

I am currently undecided between Delivery Man (a comedy about a man who is dad to 533 kids thanks to making a bit of extra money donating sperm when he was younger) and Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom because even I can be serious every now and then.  I grew through my teenage year just as Mandela was released from prison and I think it is important to better understand one of the men that changed our history.

I am saving 12 Years a Slave until next week as I am seeing that with Angel.  Again, I think it is important to realise just what people had to go through not so long ago so that we can continue to be grateful for what we have.  Of course, now that it won a Golden Globe or two it is topped for Oscar awards and so it is bound to be a moving film.

I listen to a lot of mums at work who desperately miss their children when they work away from home.  While I can see where they are coming from, even when Beautiful B was younger, I relish my time in a hotel room up to a point.  I do try to look for the best in every situation so I relish the no cooking, no cleaning and ability to concentrate on me when I am away rather than how much I miss my daughter and hubby.  It is only if I am away for 3-4 nights that I begin to pine for them.  

My only issue is that I am good at enjoying it too much and often find myself wide awake at 1am and then I am exhausted by the end of the following day.  That and the fact that I always seem to come back and have a lot of washing and cleaning to do because Beautiful B and Hubby aren't quite a clean freak nutty as I am.

This time I will try and be sensible and go straight to bed when I return from the cinema; here's hoping I don't lie awake until silly o'clock reading.

Bring your kid to work day

I found this on the web the other day and it made me laugh. Okay, I admit it isn't that funny, but it did remind me of the time I took my daughter to work day.

Beautiful B was no more than 10 years old and as I work for the government she was issued with a visitors pass on arrival that made her feel rather important. As she is a shrimpet the visitors pass was almost as big as her.

She spent the morning wandering around the site with other children to be shown the wide range of work that we did at our site.  At the time I worked in procurement so I guess it was interesting to discover that people did work that was different to mummy's.  I'm not sure that the visit to the team that manage the pool cars was all that interesting especially as they didn't let them sit in the cars and pretend to drive them.

Anyhoo, she arrived with me at lunch time and my job was to show her what work I did.  Beautiful B was spoilt by my team being provided with sweets.  Mind you, I had forwarned them that she was not to be given Smarties or Opal Fruits (Starburst) as they send her loopy.  Visions of the last visit to work when she was 4 years old and given Opal Fruits by a work colleague resulting in her pretending to talk to her dad on the phone when she ended the conversation by telling him to f**k off preyed on my mind.  (Disclaimer: I did not swear in front of my child, that would be her dad's friends fault).

Back to the current child at work day.  She sat at my desk and I showed her what we did after she rooted around in my drawer for more sweets (she knows me too well).  She was fascinated that we did most of our work on the computer and amazed that we could go on them for more than an hour a day.  After all, children had to take turns at school or so she told me.  

That day Beautiful B was introduced to email. Fascinated that you could email people you knew she wanted a list of who my friends were at work and then proceeded to 'practice' sending an email to them to say 'hello'.

Suffice to say I didn't get any work done that day and what was her conclusion at the end of the day? Apparently it must be great to get paid to email your friends all day long........

I don't think she grasped the work concept that day, do you?

The last day arrives

Today is my last day in Finance, Monday sees me in Commercial Finance. 

When I left my last role I cried. I cried because I loved the team, I loved the work and I loved that my manager trusted me to do a great job doing the really important stuff. 

Today, I leave but there will be no tears, no sadness and instead happiness, hope and excitement and while that may be sad I am more than okay with that. 

I am almost giddy. To be able to say that about work is good. 

Let the day begin. 

A week and counting

So, this is it guys!  One more week and I start my new role in commercials.  As much as this move has been forced on me, because let's face it when the doctor asks you if you still want to be using your hands in 10 years it's a bit of an eyeopener and one really can't be like an ostrich any longer.

 

It has come at the right time and as commercial teams go it is the best I could go to as they do the financial aspect for contracts such as financial evalutions so I can maintein my accounting professional development and therefore qualification.  I already have a commercials qualification and as you may well have guessed I have worked in commercials before.  It's unlikely that someone has a commercials qualification if they haven't worked in that arena before after all.  I know I like the work and so a forced move doesn't feel as bad as it could have done.

 

I have also been a burden to my current management team, one woman in particular and it has reflected on my mid-year report.  I could raise a grievance and it would be won without a doubt, after all, there is an Equality Law for people like me but as my new team has to liaise with my current team I really don't want to rock the boat and ruin a working relationship. 

 

I think because of the latter it has made the forced move that much more difficult to accept.  No-one wants to accept that their disability is dictating their career path.  No-one wants to admit the pain they are in, let alone want to stand out as 'different' in the workplace because emotions sometimes rule the way you are treated.  We struggle enough, both at work and home, and we don't need to have to feel like we are fighting a battle every single day in the workplace.  Trust me, it is bad enough being reminded of how painful and weak my hands are every time I attempt to open a bottle or sqeeze conditioner out of a bottle; I don't need reminding of it by my management chain let alone have the lack of understanding reflected in my report.

 

However, having said all of that the move to commercials is a light at the end of what has been a very long and painful tunnel.  I am still seeing a counsellor to try and learn how to accept the lack of control I feel but my new manager is the completely different end of the spectrum to my current manager and has already arranged for duplicate equipment to be placed in my second work place and for me to work my hours around the worst of the medication side-effects.

 

So the sun is shining, I am training my replacement at work and then I am off to drive into the sunset that is Sheffield for the first 3 days of my new role. 

 

Life at work is about to get better, I am about to be treated to doggie cuddles regularly throughout the days I will work from home and I will be at home at least 2 days of next week to check that my Beautiful B, who has an arm in a sling and is popping painkillers 4 times a day after an accident, isn't doing any activity that can make her shoulder injury worse.  The pretend nursing bit I wasn't expecting but on the upside I get daughter snuggles throughout the day too.  Bonus!

Non working day is a work day

I work 10 days worth of contracted hours over 9 days so I get an extra day off work every 2 weeks.  So far I have used it to do chores so I can have a full relaxed weekend.  On my last non working day I spent 5 hours having my hair done along with various beauty treatments. It was amazing!  Granted it would have been better had I tagged an Indian head massage onto my visit but a girl can't have everything.  The chores were left and I didn't care because like Damon in the Vampire Diaries I switched my cleaning emotion chip off.  

Now I have a work laptop that I can, and have brought home.  It's in preparation for my move to the Commercial Directorate in 2 weeks.  Little old me was impressed that it had no problem logging onto my home network as promised because although an optimist I hate IT.  If it goes wrong I have no idea his to fix it and that drives my need for control insane.  

In a very sad twist of events I have started to dream about work.  Yes I know, I am ashamed, after all dreaming about my new job may just well be evidence of how much I am looking forward to it.  Even I would much rather be dreaming about runny babbits, flutterbies, cute aliens, in a world where I an eat all the sweets and chocolate I want without ruining my teeth and getting fat. 

The latest work related dream had me leaving all the accounts until the last minute and my bosses, bosses, boss who sits next to me at work was getting just a tad upset,who am I kidding she was going mental, because I still had to count up all the money and balance it to the cash book and we were against the wire.  There is a reason for dreaming about that and normally it would drive me insane but as I am leaving the team, pppffff.

Being one to analyse dreams, and I will admit most of them are a direct result of programmes I have watched that night, this dream was because my bosses bosses boss is not my most favourite fan and my re-design of the teams webpage needs to be with the publication team on Friday as I start training my replacement on VAT next week. 

Now, that is sad I admit but what is worse is forgetting you have a non working day tomorrow (now today) and you have all sorts of work plans for that day.  

Now you all know what I am going to say don't you? The laptop is dancing about in its bag downstairs as I type screaming 'Heeeellllllooooo, laptop to the rescue!  You know you want to press all my buttons......your need for control is knocking on the inside of your skull.  Come and play with me and all will be nice and fluffy tomorrow.  You will have everything organised ready for a telekit with the publication team tomorrow and your need for control will be nice and suitably in place.  Heeeeellllooooo, you know your not going to keep me in this stuffy bag for long.....'

Ignoring how my current management chain think they know my disability better than I do and will tell me that I was wrong to work today because after all, I have heard it all before and I'm leaving the team so go ahead and do your worst.......(rant over) I will do the weekly food shop with my mother in law today and then wire the laptop up to the docking station which will have a suitable keyboard and mouse attached to it as well as a headset for my own personal dragon who lives in the computer.  I will dock the laptop and silence its little cries for attention by writing Frequently Asked Questions and drawing up a much need flow chart on charging VAT in certain circumstances.  

After no doubt growling at the computer a number of times at the need for it to be much simpler to make flow chart boxes and arrows the same size and where I want them I will lovingly save the much slaved over work and dream of much more intense but fun time in my new Commercials team. On Monday I will ignore all telling off for working when I should be resting my hands and pretend they are thanking me for my diligence and dedication to my work because my need for order and control will be nice and sated. 

So yes today is a none non working day and I am happy with that.  After all, I can take a quick break and put a load of washing on or polish the furniture in a room or change the bedding.......I could even have tea ready in the oven for when Hubby comes home.  In a great twist of events though Hubby has decided we must splurge tonight and have a nice meal at the pub before going to watch a film at the cinema.  And that is one of the many reasons I love him. 

Happy Halloween folks!

In which Thursday is Monday

Oh come on, you know by now that I at least try to do posts in advance.  I claim to be all professional and organised and I am but only for 7.24 hours a day, or any time that I am at work as I spend far too many days doing far too many more hours than I am paid for to be frank and open with you.

Anyhoo, today (Monday remember) was my first day back to work after 2 weeks leave which is always 20 ways of tortourous but to add to that I had a complete site move to cope with, moving boxes to unpack, 200 emails to respond to after desperately seeing how many I could delete as just plain stupid on top of still making sure that Hubby got out of bed early enough to have a whine about having to use a bicycle to get to work because our company had dared to shut the site I worked on which just happened to be handy as I could drop him off on the way....breathe. 

It only got worse when I got into work after finding out that my bosses, bosses, boss was going to be sat next to me (I can at least live in hope that the new regime of hot desking will mean that she sometimes will be sat elsewhere....okay most of the time) and she thought it would be a good idea to have a dig at me before I even had the first box unpacked.  After having had a complete stomach full of it before I went on leave I was just not in the mood for it today.

All is not lost however though because today (yes, I am now on Thursday just to confuse you) I will have been on a train on Wednesday to Birmingham to attend an all day meeting.  2 plus hours there and then again to get home makes for lots of time away from the office and plenty of time to catch up on some reading.  It has to be far more relaxing than being in the office surely?! Hopefully it provided sopme much needed half week respite to give me more strength for the rest of the week.

I wonder if I can read a whole novel in the 5 hours travelling time - yes surely....

 

Incognito sporadically because of sulking

My blogging has been sporadic this week.  Some of you may ask why though I suspect that most only stumble on this blog by accident so haven't noticed and could care less.  I don't have an excuse but I have been angry and when I am angry I have a nasty habit of rushing around and doing a lot but not getting anywhere.  Is it just me that gets that feeling?  Isn't it frustrating? 

Yesterday I felt like I didn't stop (other than an hour and even then I risked falling asleep) but when I looked back on my day I really hadn't done a tremendous amount.  My house still looks like a bomb has hit it and in all honesty that is probably contributing to me feeling out of sorts.

So, I am angry.  I very rarely get angry, I can get frustrated but angry is rare because there is no point to it half the time.  Yet, I get angry at injustice and if I feel there is no reason for it or that reason is unfair I can get angry enough to cry.  And seriously, if someone gets me so angry that it makes me cry in frustration then it can be too late because I am far too much like my mother and we are like elephants; we never forget.  Which is silly.....

One of my bug bears is people treating others, for no good reason, with a different set of rules than others.  When it happens at work and that other person is your bosses, bosses boss then it can make you feel pretty damn helpless.

I am safe in pouring my frustration out on this blog because nobody at work knows about it and by the time any of them stumble on it I am more than sure that we will all work on different teams so....meh.

I have hinted before at working for an organistion big enough to make very good reasonable adaptations at work for people covered under the Disability Discrimination Act.  I am one of those people and like most people with a disability I do not like having to call attention to it and want to be treated just like everyone else at work. 

I have a slipped disc in my neck and repetitive strain injury in both arms and I am luckier than most because I can still work.  As I work for an organisation so big they are able and happy to foot the bill for voice activated equipment, specialist keyboard and mouse, a cockpit style desk, specialist chair and a larger monitor (which will be the same as everyone else come the latest IT transformation).  What I have hated most of all is the requirement to have accommodation come in to my new team and dictate where my desk must go to accommodate health and safety rules in distances for me and other staff because it calls attention to me and my disability and I really do not like to make a fuss.  There is nothing worse than having to call attention to your disability in such a big way before you even start working on a team.

My current team have been good and not only accommodated that but also voice-activiated equipment which was more than tempremental with background noise.  Now it would be silly to expect everyone else to be quiet so for a time I worked in a little office on my own which was lonely but gave me a better sense of autonamy but was not good for me learning from my boss as she sat in a different room.

Over time I identified that the issue with the voice activated equipment was the lack of a good sound card and microphone and as a move to open plan offices was imminent I moved back into the main room to get the voice-activated equipment used to noise.  Except, our organisation works at a snails pace with more red tape than which is needed for every race finish line in the world for 10 years and so it took a while to get the equipment here.  By the time it arrived there was no point training it to work in the office for a matter of days.

What I did discover was that the voice activated software does not work well with MS Excel and as an accountant 50% of my time is spent on that baby.  So I have a choice; I either;

• continue to type while the medication masks the majority of the pain but slowly causes more unfelt damage for the future but get the work done; or
• use the voice activated software and do not do the amount of work required for the role let alone to get me examples for a decent report at the end of the year, let alone promotion.

You can guess which one I chose, can't you?  Yet I am slowly learning that doing the work despite continued injury for both works sake and your own (because I certainly don't want to stay at this grade forever let alone get frustrated at how little work I can do) doesn't stop your management team feeling that they have to do too much for you or that you are not doing enough for them.

So what exactly am I frustrated at?

Some background to the second reason I am frustrated:

The organisation allows all sorts of different working patterns to accommodate our personal lives which is great.  I have always worked 5 standard work days yet a few months ago my bosses bosses boss suggested that I try 5 days hours over 4 days (so constricted hours and what we know as '5 days over 4') as it would give my hands 3 full days rest and a trail of 10 days over 9 before I moved to 5 over 4.  All good!  Except when my immediate boss heard this she was not happy - after all, she works 4 days over 3 and I look after her mailbox for 2 days (not in the job description nor do I get paid extra for that) and constricted hours for me meant her mailbox was not covered.  So they started back tracking.  Of course, I was stupid enough not to get this suggestion in writing and I really should have learnt my lesson long before now!

I had moved to 10 days over 9 on a trial by this time and honestly I love it.  I had been doing far too many flexi hours for my bosses comfort prior to the trial.  As we are allowed up to 4 days 'flexi-leave' every 4 weeks I was using this regularly because of the number of additional hours I was working to complete the amount of work we had.  Moving to 10 days over 9 helped this because I wasn't working as many additional hours.

Now I have been told that they will not move to 5 days over 4 and as I cannot prove my bosses bosses boss suggested it then I am stuck with it, which is okay as they have agreed to 10 days over 9 as a sweetener.  But...you know when you can tell they are not happy at having to do that?  Yep, that is what I am experiencing.

But, I was happy with my 10 days over 9 and I could live with knowing my management team wasn't wholeheartedly happy at the compromise even though I hadn't forced them into it.  After all, I knew it was only ever a trial and would have been happy for them to return me to full time hours based on business need.  Instead, it would appear that to compensate they are making life a bit more difficult for me.

Firstly, I was told that I shouldn't work additional flexible hours up on a regular basis so as to take an additional day off every 2 weeks because that would suggest I was still trying to do the 5 days over 4.  As I told them, no problem.  After all, who would be stupid enough to be that obvious.

There is the background so this is the second reason I am frustrated (and yes I am aware that I haven't explained the first reason yet.....):

Except, it wasn't made clear that what they meant was I was to work no additional flexi off to take at any time.  When I gave my manager my flexi hours sheet requesting 2 days flexi off over the 2 weeks she called me to say that she had been told I couldn't have any flexi.  Now that is unfair because my contract says I work flexible hours and the job description for this particular job did not say that I couldn't work additional hours up.  As you have already guessed, everyone else who is on constricted hours is able to still take flexi leave off should they work it up. 

So I was angry at the unfairness of it.  My manager half heartedly threw in that they did not want me to work additional hours because of my hands but it is a convenient excuse as that excuse has only been used to any degree since they agreed to the 10 days over 9.  If it had been a worry before then they would have attempted to stop my flexi before then.

Now, normally I would have argued the point, in a professional manner obviously.  Except....that came on the back of a totally uncalled for bollocking off my bosses bosses boss earlier in the day.

Now here is the first reason I am so frustrated:

My non working day is a Thursday every second week.  On the Tuesday of the week I was due to be at home on the Thursday I accepted a meeting invitation for the Wednesday.  On the Wednesday morning I rang my manager and asked for the day off as Abi was poorly, in fact she was pooping all over my house, was bleeding and couldn't get to the back door in time, bless her.  My manager approved me taking the Wednesday as my non-working day and all was fine.  Except, unbeknownst to me my bosses, bosses, bosses boss was chairing the meeting and as my manager was interviewing candidates for some vacancies on the team no-one was at the meeting to represent our part of the team - this obviously embarressed my bosses, bosses, boss.

I was called into my bosses, bosses, bosses office on the Thursday morning and bollocked for not dialling into the meeting from home.  Now here is my issue; it was a non-working day that my manager agreed, no-one asked me to dial in that meeting, we are not normally expected to dial into meetings when we are on leave, if it was so important that I needed to attend that meeting why did my manager, her manager or the one bollocking me not call me and ask me to dial into that meeting - which I would have been happy to do.

Apparently, I should have known to dial in yet no other staff member of my grade is expected to do, let alone know to do.  I object to that for a number of reasons:

• First and foremost, at no other time have we been told we should dial into a meeting that we had previously accepted when we need to take a day off at the last minute and still no other staff member is expected to do so;
• Although I had accepted the meeting request on the Tuesday, I had not known I would need the Wednesday off work until I got home on the Tuesday night and found a poorly dog and lots of cleaning to do so had not taken the dial in details for the meeting home.
• When there is a meeting and she is off she juggles with her husband and they may well do half a day each so she can be available for the meeting; 
• No-one rang me to ask me dial into the meeting when 3 people; my boss, her boss and my bosses boss had the opportunity to do so; and
• Quite frankly, while she may dial into a meeting because she is 3 grades higher than me and gets paid £30,000 more than me and while it may be her role in life to build such a career it isn't my goal; hence me earning less than £30,000 than her and being in a grade where we are not normally expected to dial into a meeting from home on our days off.
• I object to her telling me what I should do with my home life and suggesting I should juggle with Hubby so I can dial into a meeting that I had no idea was important.

Eventually, I accepted the bollocking and got out of the room as quickly as possible to go and cry out of pure unadulterated anger at the unfairness of such a bollocking.  So as you can imagine when my boss called to say I couldn't take flexi leave when everyone else can I was in the mood for that conversation.

Lets just say it is a good job that I am on leave right now. Yet, it doesn't stop there!  I have requested a bicycle advance.  Essentially, work will advance some of your salary to buy a bike and you pay it back in instalments.  Hubby got one last month seen as the office move now dictates we work in opposite directions.  I know that guidance backwards and half of the problem is that operational teams (which Hubby works on and I used to manage) know the guidance so everyone is treated fairly and 'pink and fluffy areas' (as non-operational areas are known by operational staff) don't know the guidance because they don't read it until they need to and then they all interpret it different ways.

That guidance calls for the line manager to approve the advance and check that a bicycle and accessories were bought to the value of the advance after the money is paid in the salary.  Therefore, a staff member who asks for an advance of £1,000 has to spend that whole amount on a bicycle or accessories rather than £200 on a bike and the rest as seed money.  If the latter happens, employee services recover the £800 seed money immediately.

Except my bosses, bosses boss has requested a full quote with make and model of the bike and doesn't think she can advance the funds for a full visbility jacket and waterproof trousers as they don't constitute 'safety equipment'. She also wants a fully itemised VAT receipt after the event.  So here we go again;

• clearly a high visibility jacket can and does constitute safety equipment;
• the guidance does not say that the advance covers a bicycle and safety equipment but instead a bicycle and accessories which these both clearly are;
• what difference does the make and model make, other than for her to question why the bike would cost so much when it really is none of her damn business how much I want to pay for a bike!

Now I am more than aware that we work in finance and our job is all about ensuring that we have sufficient evidence to allow expense so there is a clear audit trail for it but this is an advance of salary and the guidance does not call for all of this information.  This is likely to be a case of her not looking at the guidance and making up her own idea of what evidence she needs based on accountancy experience but on the back of everything else it feels like a personal attack - especially, the wanting to know the make and model of the bike.

If she bothered to read the available guidance she would know that none of this matters because if I do not provide a receipt after the event the money can be clawed back immediately.

So yesterday I was happy as you can imagine.

So why is all of this happening?  Seriously, I am only presuming here but it is all very convenient that it is happening immediately after I have requested a managed move away from the team to move to the Commercial Directorate.  This is for 2 reasons;

• I have a commercial qualification that isn't being used at the moment and before long will not be worth the paper it is written on; 
• despite the voice activated equipment MS Excel is always going to be a nightmare to work with and impact my abilities to work at a decent rate and it is used very rarely in Commercials; and
• voice activated equipment works very well with MS Word and I should be able to work at normal pace in that area.

The move has been agreed on condition they can find someone to replace me and that job vancancy is being published asking for finance and VAT experience which is almost non-existant in our department.

If I put the request for a managed move into HR I know they do not have to find someone to replace me; if a suitable post is available HR can move me straight away and that is without evening mentioning the disability. 

After everything that has gone on I really feel like going directly to HR to request the move.  I feel like I am a burden to the team, that they are beginning to object to the additional requirements I have and although I know they are not responsible for the way I already feel about not wanting to raise attention to my disabilities all of this compounds those feelings.

Ultimately, I know that if I approached the union over the flexible hours issue, let alone the bollocking I was given about the meeting, they have more than a leg to stand on yet how comfortable is that going to make my working environment?!

So there you are, after reading my huge moaning session you have a reason for a missing post or two and I promise; normal service will resume tomorrow.





 

Grrrrrrrrr is for...............(and it's not a grissly bear!)

Friday I was back in the office having had a wonderful 4 days on leave and then 2 days in Newcastle.  91 emails isn't so bad and normally I can plough through them in a couple of hours, separating the wheat from the chaff quite happily.  I was happily doing this until I happened upon a weekly update email that everyone gets in the department I work in, including my 2 immediate bosses.

Highlighted on both the email and more so in the update itself was a note about 6 vacancies for qualified accountants at the grade above mine.  Normally I get quite excited about this and print off the said vacancy and spend an exorbitant amount of my free time at home writing competency examples for the application.

Except on this occasion I can't because the closing date is FRIDAY, as in the day I first found out about it, as in YESTERDAY. As work have very recently changed our performance framework I cannot tweak and use my previous competency examples so it was impossible to apply for the post in time.

To say that I was annoyed was a slight understatement and I banged off an email to both managers asking them if they would be so kind as to notify me of any future vacancies that are published while I am on leave.  As the application can be submitted on an internet site (as in not on our work intranet) I can make an application while on leave if I so wish.  It is not as if both managers did not know I was actively seeking promotion.

To her credit my line managers manager immediately called me and said she would note it for the future and although she did not specifically apologise it was very much implied and for that I have respect for her. 

Maybe I am expecting too much and maybe this would not happen in most other work places but I am a firm believer of treating people how you would want to be treated.  If I had staff (and I have had a lot in the past) I would know which of those wanted promotion and besides ensuring that their work was tailored to give them the best possible evidence and examples would actively let them know if a suitable vacancy arose that they could apply for.

Granted I was on leave but a quick text message does not hurt, offend or take 2 minutes to send.  This could just be a genuine oversight or a deeper seated (either realised or not) need to keep me on the team because there is NO succession planning or they want to develop me to take over my managers role should she leave - after all, she is also actively seeking promotion.

Either way; I am annoyed, upset and feel that their needs have been put above my development which goes against every part of my own manager/leader beliefs.  

There is no point staying angry and I will certainly be taking up the need to a) obtain a lower graded resource as I am being paid far too much for some of the work that I do and the resource I put into it detracts from my development and ability to do higher level strategic work and b) have some succession planning.

It is a good job I am not a grissly bear (and a good job my immediate line manager was not in the office) because I would have likely ripped someone's head off and how much trouble would that have gotten me into?
 
In the meantime, Hubby whisked me off to our favourite restaurant last night, Sapori, where we had our wedding reception to make sure I relaxed, sounded off and drank enough alcohol to help me put these feelings aside (somewhat) until next week.

As ever it was delicious.



 

What a day!

Yesterday was day 1 of 2 in Newcastle. Having slept amazingly well I didn't want to get out of bed and would have preferred to go back to the dream I was enjoying despite not being able to remember it now. Instead I battled with a hair straightener and my nest of hair for an hour until the latter surrendered and admitted defeat.

I found a warm comforting fire to sit next to for a meeting with my mentor. After slapping me around the face with a wet fish for the lack of confidence in my current role the meeting went the way they always do: I say what I need help with and my mentor then probes my labyrinth of a mind to work out what I really want to discuss but haven't realised.

My mentor interviewed me for the accountancy leadership course I qualified on. After my interview he told me he would mentor me if I was successful; I'm still undecided as to whether it is because I'm mental and a bit nutty like him, reflective or I had the leadership skills his previous mentees hadn't had.

He has been outstanding and uses probing questions to draw out my thought processes and needs. In conversation he told me what his team does and that there may be vacancies. It's such a shame his team are based half way down the country as he would be excellent to work for.

After lunch I visited the PAYE team, the counterparts to the VAT team I work on. I had a few questions related specifically to work I do at year end but primarily I was there for an overview of what they do, what their risks were etc.

What I came away with is that I could work on that team too! Pity they are based half way across the country too! I would love to do a period of detached duty with them as it would benefit them but I would get some great experience out of it.

So in short I had a great day and would like to do a stint of a month or so in both areas. Now all I need to do is convince my manager that it would benefit the department strategically....,doubtful. Although it would she probably can't afford to lose 50% head count on the team considering she and I are it.

I took myself off to see a film and I am jealous at both the cinema facilities (being far superior to ours in Blackpool) and the Krispy Kreme drive-thru night next door. Of course it would have been rude not to partake.

P

Decisions decisions

This post isn’t funny, not that I am generally funny but just a forewarning – I am sounding out my thoughts thinking putting it on paper might help me make a decision.

Going to work is handy (as handy as going to work can be without a lottery win) at the moment as Hubby and I work in the same direction from home – I drop Hubby off on the way to my office so the only issue I have is convincing him that he has to work the additional ½ hour it takes me to travel to and from my office from his.

The Government are rationalising their estate and closing a site in Blackpool, naturally this is the one that I work at.  In their position I would do the same thing, it is the oldest and therefore most expensive to maintain and the best site to sell in terms of real estate.  However, this causes issues because the site I am being moved to is in the opposite direction from home.

As much as I love Hubby, who refuses to learn to drive on account of him ‘being too old’ now (how old does that make me seen as I am older than he), I have refused (and not that he expected it) to drive in one direction to drop him off, turn around and drive past our house and beyond to drive to the new office twice a day.

Luckily some are being financially compensated for the forced move of offices as their daily travelling distance will increase.  Unfortunately we are not one of them as my new office is nearer than the current one and our household increase in expenditure cannot be taken into account, only mine.

Despite the obvious increase in travelling cost it drastically increases Hubby’s travel time as he will have to catch 2 buses to work (and back) which will add 2 hours to his day or use a bike which will add an hour to his day.  It will be amusing to watch him on a bike, though not as amusing as watching him from behind while he attempted hula hooping on the Wii Fit……

All of this leaves me with a decision to make.

I have a tendancy to work longer hours when I do not have Hubby insisting it is time to go home and without the regiment of picking him up that tendancy will increase.  My manager is already not too impressed with the additional leave I accumulate as a result of increased work hours as it leaves her work uncovered at times (strange that, seen as mine is always uncovered when I am on leave and she is part-time which exacerbates the situation).

For a long time I have hankered after working 4 days a week instead of 5.  We cannot afford the drop in salary, especially with increased travel costs but as Hubby will be out of the house for longer I could do 5 days over 4 – essentially fitting 37 hours into 4 days instead of 5.  This should be easy for me to do as I have a tendancy to work longer days anyway and will help in the unwanted accumulation of work hours.  I would still be out of the office the same amount as Hubby as a result of the increased travelling time he will incur.

I also hanker after being more productive at home as a wife and mother – and I am almost sure (because my memory is sieve like and useful on most days) that I have twittered about this previously.  The opportunity to be at home earlier than Hubby gives me the time to clean daily and cook tea for the family to eat together and still have time in the evenings to spend with Hubby and Beautiful B.

As you can see, these options are a direct contradiction of each other – longer days for 4 days of the week means I won’t be home until Hubby is home.

Hubby thinks that doing 5 days over 4 will put me under pressure at home and he is saying this purely because he knows that I get stressed when I cannot get the cleaning done that I want and potentially for 4 days of the week I am going to have to make a decision between cleaning and spending time with the family.

That option is obvious – family should come first which they would but it also means that I will begin to fidget, twitter and all round get stressed because I find it difficult to relax (in fact, impossible) if there is cleaning to be done – I blame my dad and the only other person that understands this is my longest friend and one of my best friends, Angel because she is worse than me.

So I’m at a crossroads and have no idea which way to go.  Do I do 5 days over 4 and blitz the house one day a week so I still have the weekends for the family or do I become the housewife that I hanker to become……

Decisions decisions

An anticipated but nervous move

So you all know I twitter on about my manky hands and I may or may not have (because I have a brain made of mush and aliens) alluded to having special equipment at work.  I have a bulging disc at C5/C6 which gets lazy and leans against a nerve or two when it feels like it sending weird and not so wonderful pains down my arms and hands.  

Anyhoo, I have a specialist desk, chair, keyboard, mouse and voice activated equipment at work. The only problem is that I am a touch typist and can type faster than the voice activated equipment wants to work.  As for excel work, we the voice activated equipment may as well go on strike.  If it was an actual person it would be sacked for being about as useful as ice-cream in hell.  In a room with other people it just flat out sulks.

I am in a little room of my own which does get lonely but I have some wonderful photos of Beautiful B and Damon from The Vampire Diaries on the wall and a nice magnetic white board with fridge magnets on that say things such as "It's been Monday all week" and "Real women don't have hot flushes - they have power surges".  

These buildings are being closed and we are moving to an office which is open plan with very few cellular rooms.  This means I have to move to a room full of people and today I moved to a room full of people to prepare the voice activated equipment to pull up its socks, suck it up and just do it's job.  Maybe with more memory and better microphone and sound card but that is what this initial move is for.

Except I hate talking in a room full of people - it's embarrassing and that doesn't count the frustration I am going to feel when the voice activated equipment doesn't work as I want it to.  

I spend too much time typing, it is too tempting for me to type when busy, which at the moment is ALL THE TIME so being in a room sat next to my boss who is going to remind me to use the right equipment will be good for me.

I need to suck it up and get on with it and accept if it slows my productivity.  The pain I experience is affecting home life and that sucks.  I have had 6 inches chopped off my hair as I couldn't brush it after a shower, I use special equipment to chop vegetables, Hubby does the ironing because using the strength needed causes pain for days.  To top it off now I can't play my beloved computer games and do my cross-stitch which leave me the TV and reading.  I am hoping that using the voice-activated equipment as I should, even though it will make me slow (which I already know I will find so hard to swallow) will allow me to do more housework at home and be able to stitch again as well as play computer games.  

Time will tell.  In the meantime, until the rest of the people in this room learn to tune my voice out, I am off to annoy each and every single one of them while I lose my temper with the voice activated equipment.

Wish me luck......

Short but sweet

I am meeting myself coming backwards. As well as working on Value Added Tax stuff, I have been roped into assisting in the preparation and publication of the annual report and accounts. Due to finish on 15th June - yeah it's that big! Hubby is beginning to forget what I look like.

So I will post as I can for those of you that stumble across the blog. In the meantime; a little something to be going on with.....

Apologies for the fuzziness

This had me rolling about laughing...but I am easily pleased