Saturday, 6 June 2015

21 years went by in a flash

So.....Beautiful B's 21st was yesterday but we have had 2 days of celebration and today is the first chance to post before we have another day of celebrations on Monday. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, initially I did not know what to feel. It was only 2 months after I finished contraception to try for a baby and I hadn't expected it to be so know, being 20 and na├»ve.  That soon changed though when I thought about how much love I was going to shower her with. And yes, I said boy because I only ever wanted a girl and if she had been born a boy I may have asked them to put her back. 

Beautiful B was incredibly easy to carry, at least until the heartburn started with a vengeance. I can thank Beautiful B for teaching me how to sleep sitting up as a result of the heartburn.  Thanks to worry that she may have a blockage in her oesophagus I was scanned monthly up to 32 weeks pregnant and had some lovely scan photos as a result. 

30 hours of pain and I had a baby girl, who clearly wondered what all the fuss was about and I was lucky enough to share the moment with her dad and my mum.  She defied so many expectations, needing baby rice at 4 weeks because she wasn't big enough for all the milk she needed, to being in 18month old clothes until she was 3 1/2 years old. 

Since then she has been so incredibly strong. Yes, she's had moments where I wondered if I could put up with another tantrum and she was more stubborn that me and her dad put together but we loved her for her independence and we couldn't have the best of both worlds. 

Like all of us Beautiful B has had her struggles but thanks to the help of some incredibly talented people she learned to cope with her feelings and to verbalise them in a grown up and adult way and she was able to see both sides of a discussion, something few people her age could. 

It helped her to deal with the loss of her father and 3 year old sister at the young age of 17, well as best she could and though she still struggles with missing them she can verbalise it and get the support she needs.  I felt guilty for not being able to help her through it better at the time but looking back I know I did all I can and Beautiful B would tell me she couldn't have gone through it without me. 

Beautiful B has had a lovely boyfriend for over 3 years who was amazingly supportive through the grieving process and he continues to support her in so many things. Secretly I hope they get married just not for a good few years and babies even later because hello I'm grey enough as it is! 

It hard to look at Beautiful B and know what she has gone through to make her who she is today and while I wish she hadn't had to go through all those things they have helped to shape her into an incredible young woman. Like all of us at her age, she doesn't know what career she wants to do for the rest of her life but whatever she eventually settles on I know that she will enrich it with her empathy, compassion, and love.

Beautiful B's ability to smile at the worst of times, and on those bad days gives others a reason to do the same; she is an example for us all to follow.  Yes, she has her bad days and like me she constantly doubts herself and her abilities and I wish I had a magic mirror that I could hold up to her so she could see what others see in her.  It's a pity that, for us women, that sort of confidence comes with age and so she is a few years off yet.  In the meantime, it's my role to remind her often.  

I look at Beautiful B and struggle to see how 21 years has gone by. It doesn't seem like 18 years ago she was toddling around with bright blonde pigtails and posing for photos with one hand behind her head, striking a model pose.  Or 18 years ago that she had us in stitches at Busch Gardens in Florida playing in the water fountains.  Or 16 years ago that her first ever uniform was the smallest size but still far too big for her and Nanny had to take in a tiny little school skirt so that it would fit. Or 5 years ago that she took our breath away in her school prom dress. 

I hope that I did what I set out to do and tell her often that I love her so much so that the times I did discipline her she still knew I worshipped her. In fact, I know she did because she tells me often that she knew and knows I love her so much and has thanked me for being strict with her, to have taught her respect and manners.  

I smile now, to see her in her own home, keeping it clean and although the constant reminding to be tidy and clean up after herself drove me mad when she lived her obviously was worthwhile. 

This last week we have both been on annual leave and have had the chance to spend time together on days out, stay home and watch films and laugh. One of the best things about Beautiful B having her own home is that there is no discipline now, just the laughter side of the relationship, the best parts; those that the relationship building over 21 years has achieved. 

Hubby and I cannot express just how much love and pride we feel for Beautiful B, for everything she has worked hard to achieve and for how incredibly strong she is to get through what she has. Somehow, Hubby, me and my mum and dad have managed to instill some wonderful values in her and I feel such love and pride every time someone tells me how lovely my daughter is. 

One day, she will make an amazing wife and mother. Just as much as she is a wonderful daughter. Never do I doubt her love for me because, just as I tell her often she also tells me how much she loves me. 

I know that I have struggled to articulate my love for her on this post but I do know that it is endless and will continue to grow. I used to think that I needed and wanted a successful career but you know what I worked out a couple of years ago?  That Beautiful B was my career, that my biggest goal in life was to fetch her up, her knowing that I loved her, to teach her to show love herself, for her to be a productive member of society and to forever strive to help her to become who she wants to be.  That became what is important to me.  No, it won't make me rich in monetary value and it doesn't pay the bills.  I do worry that she is a worrier and I blame myself for that and yet that is something we can work on together because becoming successful in that is better than any promotion I could get at work. 

My legacy will be Beautiful B and do you know what, if she didn't grow emotionally any more than she is at this exact moment in time I have achieved that legacy and I'm very very proud of that because she is beautiful, caring, loving, sweet, empathetic, gorgeous, respectful, giving, hard-working, and a proud young woman and has so much to give to society. While she may currently be questioning whether she wants to be a nurse all her life I know that whatever she decides on it will be something where she can give back to those who need help.  
So, to my Beautiful B, you are my world, always will be and you are my legacy.  Nothing else I ever achieve in my life will be better than what I have achieved with you. You are the best daughter I could ever wish for.  

With all my love and heart, until all the stars fall out of the sky. Xxxxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxxxx

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

3 days and counting

3 days and my baby is 21 years old. 21!! Still not sure where the time has gone. 

We had a lovely day in Bury on Saturday and today we are out with my Mum and Dad at somewhere called Bygone Times. 

It is like an indoor antiques market but it also has things collected from house sales so there are some good deals to be had. 

I love a good mooch around as long as it isn't clothes shopping; unfortunately my bank balance doesn't so today is likely to be window shopping. 

Beautiful B is an old soul in a young body and so also loves this sort of thing so is tagging along with the 'old folk'. 

This week is time to spend with my baby as she is on leave from work too. Tomorrow is a film day where we intend to watch all 3 Jurassic Park films in preparation for the new film released on the 11th. 

Thursday she is out with her Dad's family for her birthday which will be bitter sweet as her Dad won't be there. A huge cake has been bought. 

Friday is her actual 21st and thank goodness I reserved her cake for Monday when she is at mine for a family meal. It gives her chance to eat / share one cake before she gets another! Friday will be a day of visiting relatives. 

Saturday Beautiful B, being an old soul, didn't want a huge party. Instead she wants to visit York to go to the museum and the old prison. Sadly I can't be with her because Abi fluff is due to have babies that day so I am on birthing duty. 

Monday Beautiful B is at our house for a family meal. The birthday cake is far to big for the number coming but I figured she would want to share it with her Dads family, friends, nursing colleagues and her patients. Yes, I did order it before I knew her Dads family had also ordered her a huge cake and yes, I am either mad or too kind hearted to think about her work colleagues and patients. But hey ho,  who doesn't like cake?! 

Is it selfish of me to hope for this so called Spanish heatwave to hit the UK on the weekend and Monday so we can have a BBQ on the Monday?  Not least because Hubby can be responsible for making sure no-one is poisoned being the better cook of the two of us? 

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

On 'holiday'

Today I am in Sheffield for a team event. Driving instead of going in the train costs less for work with the added bonus of allowing me to listen to an audio book while driving. 

A night away from home has given me a good nights sleep without the need to share a bed with a Hubby that is currently coughing all night (bless him) and 4 dogs: 2 of which seem to be battling to either sleep attached by my side or round the top of my head on the pillow. 

I have had some breakfast, something I rarely do when staying in a hotel. That must be the nagging I get every 2 weeks at my health meeting to eat breakfast. At least subconsciously I am listening. 

My attempt to complete some training courses last night in preparation for the Negotiation Skills course on Thursday resulted in failure. I suspect my laptop is finally giving up the ghost but it is a great excuse. Pity I will have to do it at home tonight in my desktop to have any idea what they are talking about on Thursdays course. 

Finally; the vanilla Danish is staring at me and speaking! -  'it's okay I'm on a small and concise perfectly formed specimen. I don't contain many calories....well, okay but I don't contain as many as a full size vanilla Danish.  Go on, you know you want to.'

Friday, 8 May 2015

Princess who?.....

Does this slightly blurred photo of Lily remind you of a doggy version of Princess Leia or is it just me and Hubby? 

Sunday, 5 April 2015

One day it's February and the next it's April!

My excuse - busy and tired. 

I've travelled all over the country and worked all hours.  I'm past the first week of a two week break from work and all I did the first week was sleep. Pesky brain shutting me down to rest. 

Finally I'm happy my house is clean again after having to rely on Hubby doing a bit here and there which never includes hoovering or polishing. Apparently it 'will only need doing again' for which we could use as an excuse to do nothing surely? I've given up trying to explain with a woman's reasoning. 

So much has happened that I don't feel I can talk about yet as I'm still trying to process and I'm trying to do one thing at a time rather than jump around numerous jobs at the same time. 

The dogs are looking very cute after a cut yesterday though I can see Cala's Puss in Boots begging eyes at me now all her hair has been cut off. I'm being very strong and not giving into her seem as she has to drop some weight on vets orders. 

We have Hubby's mum over for the weekend which means Easter eggs we would never normally buy each other and boxes of chocolates my hips (and everywhere else) doesn't need though I have to admit the Lindor Strawberry and Cream truffles are divine. 

Hubby has cooked a Sunday roast dinner so I am guessing it will be time for an afternoon nap soon. 

How have you all spent Easter? 

Abi sitting still for more than her usual 10 seconds. 

Cala - clearly her mum has been cleaning her eyes far more than is required! 

Monday, 16 February 2015

Wish me luck update

3 pairs of jeans now have patched right side front pockets. 

It only took 5 1/2 hrs of my life and they are not the tidiest pockets sewn by any stretch of the imagination but I have made sure the stitching is study if nothing else. 

Hubby is happy and that is all that matters. 

That and I do feel a little proud of myself for persevering with something I was scared of. 

Next steps: save up for a sewing machine and take lessons from my mum on how to use it..... 

Sunday, 15 February 2015

Wish me luck!

First of all I would like the manufacturers of Clonodine for making the smallest pills imaginable and the hardest blister pack to go with them. My bloodied thumb would like to thank you also.

Today is my first attempt to put a patch on my husband's pockets. His keys and coins wear the inside of his pockets away. Up until now I have relied on my mum and his mum to sew them up. Yes, I know I'm 42 and I should be able to do it myself but I am useless at sewing. 

I am old enough to have had home economics classes in school which included cooking and sewing classes. I was that useless at sewing, so useless that the teacher separated me from the rest of the class thinking I was just messing around. That was around the time I was attempting to hem a square and I finished the class 6 months later still trying to hem a piece of square material properly. Everyone else was making peg bags. My teacher told my mum and dad she despaired of me. Needless to say I have remained useless. 

I can just about sew on a button and hem a pair of trousers with the stuff you iron into the hem (badly). 

I have decided I would quite like to make a patchwork quilt. Which requires the ability to.....yes, you guessed it, hem and join pieces of square material together. So I need to practice. Yes, I am aware that really I should desire to be able to patch my husbands jeans pockets more than make a quilt but I am more scared of putting a patch on a piece of existing material than attempt to hem a square. 

So this morning I am going to attempt my first patch. Wish me luck. 

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

What I learned this week

Firstly, life gets in the way - of blogging. And work gets in the way of life. 

It has been another busy week with overnight stays in Leeds & Sheffield. Thankfully, the overnight stays are almost over with only day visits to offices - albeit long days but I can cope with that. 

Lessons learned this week. 

1.     According to the Myers Briggs Personality Indicator I have a an introvert, intuition, feeling, judgement personality. 

2.     An introvert isn't necessarily a quiet person (trust me I am evidence of that) but instead gets their energy from doing things alone - that is true - I get my energy from reading or watching TV alone. Working out or walking the dogs also works. 

3.     Introverts don't get their energy from social occasions and like a small amount of time alone after a social situation to re-energise - again true for me (unless with my 4 best friends who I could spend ages with). 

4. You can move along the indicators with time. True for me - I am not as much of an introvert as I was 10 years ago. Something I have learned to change to to help my career. I also use intuition rather than base my decisions on solid fact - a serious move over 10 years. Learning to use my 'guy' in work decisions as I do in my personal life. 

3.     I am proud to be a feeling rather than thinking person. It means I put my colleagues and staff feelings before the tangible business decisions. It doesn't mean those feelings override business decisions just that I find a way to do it while keeping people's feeling forefront and centre. 

4.     Judging rather than perception - use facts and detail to back up the big picture. Makes sense lol. 

5.     Finding out what the whole teams personalities are can be great fun. 

6.     Charlie, Beautiful B's 6 month old black Labrador settles down quicker than Fredster fluff dies when he comes visiting. 

7.     Mini Toblerones are a much friendlier eating size than a normal size Toblerone. I suspect the manufacturer is missing a trick in not selling them this way regularly. 

8.     Hubby's mum talks her way through TV programmes and shouts at the TV when watching football matches  her son does the latter too. 

9.     Hubby's mum has moments when she gets confused which worries me. 

10.     Cala fluff will sit in her daughter in order to stay comfortable. 

So what have you learned this week? 

Usual rules apply - see below. I would love to hear from you if you also leave comments on my blog.To join in Julie's What I Learned This Week carnival, simply follow these steps: 

1. Any time this week, publish your What I Learned This Week post on your blog and comment on my blog hyper linking to your blog.
2. Then go and visit Julie’s blog at From Inmates to Playdates, find her latest “What I learned this week” and link up with the Mr. Linky form at the bottom of the post. Please put the link to your POST, not the front page of your blog.
3. Then visit the other participants and see what they learned this week.

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Spare cables galore

I am a bit of a neat freak. Some would say a bit more than a bit. Cable management is something that occupies one of my nerves. 

I find spare cables everywhere. Probably because Hubby doesn't throw anything away and keeps cables when the electrical equipment they belong to are thrown away 'because you never know when they will be needed.'  

I have heard this argument before. For example; Hubby has a number of jumpers - enough for 2 neat piles on a wardrobe shelf. Except......I have seen him wear a jumper only once in 9 years!  

So I distinctly recall opening a drawer a few months ago when cables jumped out like they belonged in a Jack in the Box. I sorted the ones we needed and threw away the ones we didn't such as mobile power cables with attachments that no longer fit our phones. 

I know this is a dangerous thing to do. Evidenced by Hubby asking where one of his caps was. Of course I had 'no idea (on the local refuse tip) because he hadn't worn it for years.'  

Dad bought a new TV a few weeks ago. He asked if we wanted his old one. There was no way I was turning do a 42" smart flat screen TV. Our old one is now in the spare bedroom as it is too big for our bedroom. I phoned Sky because it gives me an extra box to record the multitude of programmes I watch. All was well. 

The new viewing card arrived and I was primed to set up the new TV..... power cable for the spare Sky box. After all, I wasn't keeping ugly cables with the box which was nearly stacked in a cupboard because it would have ruined the neat organisation. 

Not only that no scart lead either. Evidently I had thrown them away when organising the spare cable drawer. Hubby was smart enough not to ask what had happened to the originals when I bought replacements yesterday. 

On the plus side you can buy a new scart lead with gold sockets for only £3 in one supermarket - what a bargain! 

Lesson learned?  

Label the cables so I know what they belong to before they go into storage. That's not a 'bit OCD' as someone has just claimed. It good management...... 

Anyone else thrown something away they shouldn't have done? 

Sunday, 25 January 2015

Sickness alert

Hubby has just informed me that Marmite  and Pot Noodle Easter eggs are happening. 

What is wrong with this world?! 

With bated breath

As I type all 3 fluff bags are watching their Grandma eat toast and hoping that she will save them a sliver. 

Lily is disgusted, Daddy has just given Cala and piece and there is none to be seen for she and Abi. Little does she know that Daddy is buttering another slice in the kitchen. 

What he should have done was saved 3 pieces to give them all at the same time. You can tell he has never had more than one child to learn how you have to be fair to them all at the same time. 

At the same time I'm sat here harping on at him with 'It's no wonder Cala is fat!' Not that I have room to talk about being overweight. 

Now Grandma is passing pieces of toast out. I can see Cala's waistband expanding as I watch. 

I think I will have to alternate gym sessions with long walks round the trail so Cala gets enough exercise to start reducing said waistline. Mind you, I have reduced their food by 10g in the hopes that it compensates the human food they eat. I suspect it may compensate in only a slight way. 

Daddy has now given them all another slice and I have decided harping on is being ignored entirely. 

The little fluff bags are now hoovering up any crumbs they can find. After all, they have a whole 30 minutes to wait before Hubby starts the vegetables for the Sunday roast when they will be treated to some much loved raw carrot. 

All food gone and all 3 fluff bags have settled themselves around me with heads on my lap for a quick forty winks.