Monday, 24 March 2014

Can't quite put my finger on it

This last week or two I have been feeling somewhat strange, stranger than normal.  Kind of 'meh' some days and others, and more so lately, I feel as though something heavy is sat on my chest. I know this is anxiety and as I am already on two different medications that should help it, one of which is a by-product of medication diagnosed for something else they don't seem to be working so well.  Maybe I should stop taking all of my medications, every one of them and see if they are causing 'meh'....
'Meh' would be a good name for the diagnosis of a condition.  After all, more and more people are saying they feel 'meh', more so on facebook as that is a Smiley Face icon description.  If it was the name of a condition you could respond to a question asking you how you are by say 'I'm okay, just feeling a bit Meh today' and they will have no idea if you are referring to the condition or just feeling meh.
There is precedent for this kind of thing because it already work in general converstion.  People say they are going to kill someone when they have no intention of doing so or you hear 'I could murder a pint' when referring to the desire to drink alcohol and you cannot physically murder a pint of anything really can you?
You hear people say 'I have work coming out of my ears' or 'I have work up to my eyeballs.'  Neither of which is true.  It's physically impossible to have work coming out of your ears although the mental picture I have of it at the moment is quite amusing but lets face it, it would really hurt in reality and would not be funny at all.  
As for work up to my eyeballs; rarely seen although 20 years ago my place of work supplied 'pigeon racks'.  Essentially a set of 5 document holders held up on metal legs that was placed on your desk at work.  The files and paperwork were placed in the document holders so it was constantly in your eyeline.  A dual purpose in my mind; you cannot see anyone else's face to talk too and the pressure of the work constantly in front of your face provided the incentive to get it done.  We aren't tortured to that extent now, after all, ingenious people such as myself learnt to bend downwards and have a conversation with the person on the opposite desk through the legs of the rack.  Good riddance to the pigeon holders I say; bending down could have caused back injuries......
How about someone saying 'He is doing my head in'....?  That is more likely than the ability to murder a pint, after all it is physically possible for someone to do your head in by bashing you over the head with a baseball bat.  Unlikely though as many of us do not wish to spend the rest of our lives sharing a 6x10 space with another person.
I am conscious that many of my readers (see how I say that like there are lots when there are very few if any...) will have never heard these references, even those in other parts of the UK, as they may be regional in nature so forgive me as I am just rambling after all.
On another note; today is the 24th March and we woke up this morning to a frozen car!  Now what is that all about?  Does Jack Frost not know that spring is here and he should be hibernating?!  It is no wonder my dogs are trying to wrap themselves in tiny tiny balls of fluff.  The fire is roaring as my feet are freezing but it has a habit of blowing out on it's own lately. I will know when it does as my feet will start to freeze up rather than thaw. 
One of the problems with working at home out of your front room is that it is easy to get distracted as the world goes by.  So far this morning I have deduced that someone's drains are blocked and someone is having some work completed on their roof.
The problem with feeling 'meh' is that I do not have any energy or desire to do any work (it is my non-working day so I am not slacking as such) but I have to find the energy as I need to spend most of the day preparing evidence for my end of year report.  I am not one to sell myself; I go to work, do it as well as I can and then come home.  The need to have to use flowery language and buzz words to show what I do for the year is just 'not me' and I hate it.  Besides always having a good result in my end of year reports I wish I could opt out.  The need to get this work done is very important yet I cannot find the desire to do it at all.  I just want to put my PJs back on and snuggle up in bed with a good book and snooze as needed!
So far I have distracted myself with a stupid programme, an hour on a computer game and the blog.  I have wasted 3 hours and what for.  Just because I am feeling 'meh'.  Well, I had better get a 'shift on' and do it. 
What I learned this week tomorrow folks and I will try to make it more upbeat than my last 2 paragraphs!


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