Friday, 19 August 2011


Mmmmmm - this was scheduled to be posted on the 19th of August and something went wrong........

6 years ago today we were friends. 6 years ago we were colleagues. 6 months before that I had been your line manager at work; in the 6 months that I moved to another team our friendship and respect for each other grew. I started to come out of my shell and you liked my sense of humour (you refer to that time as noticing that I was nuts); I saw more of yours as our friendship grew.

6 years ago yesterday you sat with me and the rest of our team and watched me drink 8 vodka, lime and lemonades in less than 2 hours and I am sure your respect for me grew later that afternoon when I delivered a 2 hour training course without slurring one word or even hiccupping…I wanted to continue celebrating my imminent departure from the team to start my career as an accountant, you offered to look after accompany me and make sure I got home safe. 

We put the world to rights for 3 hours in the pub and I felt bad that you had missed dinner so invited you to join Beautiful B and I for a late supper. Wanting to make sure I got home without falling over safe Feeling flattered or hungry you accepted the invitation. Little did you know that an 11 year old girl was about to give you the grilling of your life and before you went home 2 hours later she knew everything about you, even if she didn’t believe that your mum was as old as you said she was – after all 71 year old women do not have 32 year old children…..

6 years ago tonight we surprised ourselves by becoming a couple. Had someone told us not 2 days before that it was going to happen we would have laughed hysterically; after all we were friends with no sign of a romance. Looking back some might argue that allowing yourself to be interrogated by an 11 year old the night before was a sign that a relationship was to follow but as ever I was oblivious to the fact that any man might like me.

It took you nearly 12 months after that night to tell me that for the first 2 weeks you were unsure if the relationship would turn serious.  Not because Beautiful B and I came as a package but that you were unsure if you could cope with the two (then) baby fluffs as all they did was bark. I am thankful every day that you persevered…. You stayed with me knowing that you would be unlikely to have children of your own because of how difficult it would be to conceive and I adore you for that.

In the 6 years we have been together you have turned my world around. Beautiful B and I were happy and content; we weren’t looking for a relationship and maybe that is why you found us when you did. I am grateful that we were friends before we started a relationship because on that grounding we have continued to strengthen our togetherness every day.

You always have and always will accept me for who and what I am. You do not try and change me, you accept what has happened to me before and how it shaped me into who I am today and you compensate for others failings. You have worked incredibly hard to build up the confidence that was knocked out of me by the previous 2 husbands and you take great delight in seeing that confidence grow. Because of you, I am more confident around strangers and make friends easier than ever before and I have learnt not to continually analyse what people say….mostly.

You consider Beautiful B to be yours and you get angry at the way she is treated by others. You love her as you would your own and you have helped to shape her into the young beautiful empathetic person she is today. You have been there to hold her hand and hug her when she has needed someone other than me to talk to; you have been there when she was younger reasoning with her to teach her how to think of others; you have been there to show her how a a father should treat his daughter and so much more.  You are her dad in your eyes and although Beautiful B loves her father she also loves you as her stepdad. You take the dad role very seriously and we love you unconditionally for that.

You love me unconditionally and I do not question that because I know you do - I see it every time you look at me; in the way you talk to me; in how gently you treat me and in how well you care for me. I know that you know that I feel and treat you the same way and because of that we are both so content and happy in our relationship.

Bad things happened to you to put you on the path to meeting me. I can never take that away or the pain you still feel at losing your dad but hopefully I soothe that pain and help in small ways every day. I will marry you one day….as soon as we can afford the dress, honeymoon and evening reception to celebrate with friends and of course you need time to prepare for standing in front of a camera and smiling instead of hiding your face…..

Happy Anniversary darling… are my world and I will love you until all the stars fall out of the sky.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

I saw this and thought of Angel....

I like to laugh, it is one of my all time favourite things to do.  I found a site.  No, not one of those websites but one that posts funny phrases, pictures and videos.  I could spend all day on this site.

Randomly scanning it the other day I came across a picture and thought of Angel.

Angel, as you will know if you have been following the blog, has had more than her fair share of body blows this last 5 years and cannot do anywhere near the amount or types of exercise she used to and boy did she do a lot! 

So she adapted, she now swims a mile at least once a week and has taken up diving...the type with a tank and oxygen tanks not the type with springy boards and stuff.

Angel also has a dog who is gorgeous and goes everywhere with her and her gorgeous family.  So when I saw the following picture I thought of Angel and Stan....

Stan is a bit bigger than this and shall we say a tad more robust so I guess the wet suit would need to be a bit stretchy.....

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

All good things must come to an end....

So after 3 weeks I have returned to work.  Why is it I always feel, in some small way, that I haven't had a break from work.  Granted, we did not go away on holiday which would obviously make it feel less like a holiday...

I got a lot of maintenance jobs completed on the house - I am kinda going to ignore the fact that I have the same amount again still to complete.  That made me feel better even if I would have got more done had I not sliced through the majority of skin on a knuckle in the first week cleaning the kitchen floor.  You know, I had one of those moments where you see blood and think "Now where the heck is that coming from?" before you think "Oh yeah, from me!"

Beautiful B who is training to be a nurse saw the blood and ran off totally freaked out as seeing blood makes her feet hurt - yeah, go figure.  I am still trying to work that out after 17 years.  Personally, I think it is more the idea of a loved one hurting but meeeeh....

So...the little fluffers sat in a row, all 4 of them yesterday morning and looked forlornly at me as I left them for the first time in 3 weeks.  Yes, I probably annoyed them at home all day but they must of kind of got used to having me around.  Beautiful B was at home to provide company but it must not have been as good as I was bombarded with fluffers when I got home all of which desperately tried to attack me with sloppy kisses.  Baby fluff spent 20 minutes attached to me like a limpet whining as though to request I never leave her to her own and Beautiful B's devices again.

I wandered back into work to the delight of 128 emails which isn't so bad especially when one can delete 20 of them immediately.  The room is seriously depleted as the summer holidays are well and truly upon us.  I spent the day getting randomly confused at tasks I have been given with only half the information (if I am lucky) that is needed but I will give it my best attempt before the boss returns.

Unsurprisingly though, this latest 3 week hiatus from work and the subsequent return has only served to heighten my desire to be a stay at home wife and mum - yes I know she is 17 but still, I think I do an excellent job at that role.  Previously, I have desired to make a difference in my career, to be good at what I do and I needed it to fill a gap that I couldn't describe.  Then along came hubby and he filled that gap that Beautiful B and I so desperately needed and along with that the desire to continue to build that career disappeared.  Although I never thought I would say it, I feel complete being at home and looking after hubby and Beautiful B.  I don't feel torn between being at home and being there for those I love and being at work.  I can concentrate wholeheartedly on those that I love and the longer we are with hubby the more I feel that way.


.....I'd best go out and buy a few lottery tickets then.

Monday, 8 August 2011

Angels in disguise

We are very rarely blessed - I am in many ways but in no way more than the day I met you when I kicked your broken arm when attempting to jump over a wall.  Luckily you forgave me and we have been best friends ever since.

As children we were glued together, today we are glued together as much as we can be with family commitments and distance further than from number 28 to number 62.  You have enriched my life for 25 years!!!!!  Oh my goodness, I have just read that number back to myself!

Angel, you have taught me so very much - you have taught me loyalty when I needed it most during one of the hardest times of my life.  You stood by me despite hating what I went through with my first husband.  You were there as my rock and continued to be. 

You were there for me during my second biggest mistake and stayed there even when I pulled away for 3 years; initially through depression and then as time went by because I couldn't stand the idea of being rejected by you.

It was Hubby that made me stand at your front door while he sat in the car as a support while my knees knocked and you opened the door to welcome me with open arms after 3 years with the simple statement "Wow girl, you've gone blonde."

Since then we have caught up on old times, my stupidity is not talked about as there is no need, and we picked up where we left off as though the 3 years never happened.

In that time, I hope that I have repaid your kindness and loyalty in spades, when you have needed a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, a counsellor or a best friend. 

I have cried many tears in anger and frustration at how hard your life has become and how unfair things are.  I have cried many tears at your bravery for the past 5 years and I cannot believe that it has been 5 years since that awful phone call when I was told you had had a stroke at such a young age.  We found out it wasn't a stroke but something much worse and your strength and determination is a standard for all to follow.

There have been times where you have felt that things are unfair and voiced that and they are few but I hope that I have been there to give you the strength, along with your wonderful family, to carry on and fight for health.

You have always been on the highest pedestal I could find, always and you always will be.  We are sisters in every which way but blood and always will be.  I miss being able to bob up the street to see you like I could when we were kids; I miss the holidays our families took together; I miss the ability to have more frequent catch-ups with you.

I cannot think of another person, bar Hubby and Beautiful B, that I would want to be best friends with for 25 years and I cannot wait to spend another 25 with you.  You make me a better person even if you do worry about me almost as much as Hubby does.

Always know that you are my sister!

Happy Birthday Angel.

Sunday, 7 August 2011

5 years, almost 6

Nearly 6 years ago I met you for the first time.  You looked so much younger than your years and you had more energy than I did.  You welcomed me into the family with open arms. I doubt that when Hubby first told you about me that you were expecting to be told that he was serious about me but that I would never be able to provide you with a biological grandchild.  You took my daughter on as your own grandchild and I know that even if I could give you a biological grandchild you would not love Beautiful B any less than you do.

You have two beautiful sons, one of whom I am lucky enough to be engaged to.  Hubby saved me; I wasn't looking for him yet I needed him.  I wasn't looking for you yet in you I found another mum.

I am so very sorry that I never got to meet Brendon and I missed meeting him by a whiskers breath compared to the life he lived but in Hubby I see him every day as they are like two peas in a pod both in looks and I believe in a lot of mannerisms.  I know I would have loved him as you all do because he helped you mould Hubby into the man I am going to marry.

Your glass is always overflowing and in that we are very much alike.  You are also a little bit scatty and although he doubts it, I think that is what Hubby first liked about me and why he was so attracted.  It is the overflowing glass that allows you to cherish the life that Brendon had rather than hate that it was taken away too early, that which allows you to share the stories and pictures of your life together so that I can learn more about the man you loved because Hubby is too distraught to share those pictures with me.

I hope that I give you as much as you give me in all the little things I do for you.  I enjoy our weekly trips for the weekly food shopping and the chance to catch up without the boys and talk of football.  I love the more personal conversations that I can have with you knowing that you will not share them with anyone without my permission.  I love that you gave me your son, whom I worship and adore with every fibre of my being and for moulding him into the person I love today.  You instilled in him all your virtues, beliefs, empathy and love and he willingly shares them with everyone he meets most of all Beautiful B and I.  Because of you and Brendon Beautiful B finally has the father she should have had from before she was born and because of you I have a hubby who is making up for the many years I tried to find him others.

Happy Birthday Mum - may there be many more to share xx

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Fluffer Rant

So you all know that every now and again I allow my girlie fluffs to get pregnant because I love the pitter patter of tiny feet around my house for 8 weeks and love passing on the happiness to other families even more.

In March Cala fluff gave birth to 7 beautiful little puppies.  One was tiny tiny, so small and not much bigger than the size of a minature hamster and Hubby and I thought that if we were going to lose one, she would be it but little fluff fought tooth and nail to live and we I nicknamed her Scrappy. 

Little Scrappy fluff used to lie over a bowl of food to eat out the far side to make sure she got some food before the other baba fluffs ate it all.  When they got big enough to knock her out of the way we separated her during feeding time to make sure she continued to thrive.  Here is a picture of how small she was at 3 weeks old:

Despite being half the size of the other fluffs she had a personality twice as big as any of them and I adored her.  We kept a different one, Abi fluff, as I know I will want more baba fluffs in the future and I did not want to put Scrappy fluff through a birth as she was likely to grow up to be a small Bichon Frise.  I cried like a baby when her new owner came to take her her new home.  Here is what she looked like the day she left me:

I thought we had found a really good home for her.  A mother with a 3 year old little boy who was very intelligent.  All the new owners are sent home with an 8 page information sheet on how to rear a puppy and how to look after those needs particular to Bichons especially the need to pluck their ear canals once a week to prevent the build up of curly "bum fluff", as I call it, as unattended that can cause ear infections which in turn when left untreated can cause deafness in later life.

Anyone knows that rearing a puppy is hard work and requires consistency and dedication and my guidance clearly states that.  This family, however, if they even bothered to read the information sheet decided to ignore it.

Two weeks ago I received a telephone call from the mother who was distraught as Scrappy fluff was still messing in the house, barked all the time and nipped.  Now lets face it, the puppy was 14 weeks old - of course it is still going to be messing every now and again even if you are consistent with the toilet training and nipping is part of teething.  After ensuring she was nipping for attention and not aggression I discovered that the puppy was left locked in a conservatory on its own away from the owners most of the time to prevent the little boy continually letting her in and out.  Well of course if you insist on locking the dog away from the rest of the family it will get lonely and if you allow the little boy to keep letting her in every time she barks or continuously knock on the window to disturb her she will bark. 

As for the toilet training, well if you insist on not going out with her each hour and praising her when she is good or leaving paper or puppy training pads in the conservatory when you nastily lock her up for some peace and quiet where do you expect her to go if she needs the loo? 

So Hubby and I visited - yes she barked but then we did take Abi fluff and she adored seeing her sister again and was SUPER exicted, however in the hour we were there the little boy picked her up and put her down nearly 70 times!  There was the reason she barked when she wasn't being picked up - she wanted that attention.  No paper was down at all yet the mother despaired when she piddled in the kitchen - you know when you just feel like saying "Erm, HEEEELLLLLOOOOO"?

After giving them some pointers and stressing that it is a 6 month role of consistency and trying in as nice a way as possible to explain that they needed to control their son as well as the puppy we left and hoped they could pull it together.

They couldn't.  The owner contacted me last week and said they were selling Scrappy fluff and wanted to give me first refusal.  She wanted the full cost back which I thought she had a cheek to ask for but I may well be biased.

Luckily, a friend of mine had regretted not buying one of the other puppies and so I had be priming her with Scrappy fluffs troubles and she was very interested in taking her on if the owners decided to sell her.  I was very clear that Scrappy fluff may take longer to stop barking and nipping for and that toilet training could also take longer.  So, when the owners called me I called my friend and she was estatic at the idea of being Scrappy fluffs new owner.

Hubby and I picked her up and she stayed with us overnight.  I nearly cried when I saw her ears - you cannot see the ear canal at all.  Luckily, there is no ear infection but to pull all the bum fluff out in one go will cause inflammation and probably traumatise the little mite for life.  That, and the fact that she would not let anyone near her eyes or ears makes the groomer and I question whether she has been hurt when the owner tried to clean her ears and eyes and whether it put them both of trying it again.

In the 24 hours she was in my home she barked 7 times - 4 when we put her to bed; we expected a sleepless night yet when I gave her a treat and covered her bed up she slept straight through the night.  The other 3 times were when she was playing with Abi fluff.  Granted she may have barked less as all she did was run Abi fluff ragged every moment she was awake - to the extent that before she left she was sleeping sat up with her head drooping to one side.

She went outside to toilet and when I nipped out of the house for an hour she went on the paper.  She did not nip one - she play mauled; that is it.  Dare I say that Scrappy fluff is better behaved than Abi fluff. 

Yesterday Scrappy fluff when off to her new home having fallen in love with her new mummy during a visit the night before and has settled in marvelously - no messing in her new home, no barking and no nipping.  Everyone she meets falls in love with her.

Below is a picture of the mess she came to us in.  Scrappy fluff's new mum has booked her in with my fabulous groomer in a week to get her cleaned up properly and I will post more pictures of how truly beautiful she is at a later date.

When I breed another puppy and if I sell them I am going to scare new owners half to death to make sure they truly understand the committment they are entering into and any uncertainty at all on their part will mean they do not leave with a puppy.

No puppy should be neglected to the extent that Scrappy fluff was for the first 8 weeks that she left this household.  I know there are worse cases but this one is very dear to my heart and I know that she has now gone to a home where she will be well and truly loved and trained correctly with the upmost patience and attention.