This Human of Worth - Brittany Herself

I read a lot of blogs, probably less than other bloggers do, but none the less I have a list of my favourites.  I found Brittany maybe 18 months or so and I not only love the way she writes but also the topics that she choses to write about.  She is a much better blogger than I will ever be.  Her blog Brittany Herself can be found here.

Today I read Brittany's post and was so very touched by it.  Everything she said in it hit a nerve and it was like she was reading my mind.  She has written a blog post that should go viral because of it's importance and because it has the capacity to help others undertsand how overweight people feel.

This topic has always been important to be me because my weight has yo-yo'ed for years.  I have been super thin (though could not see that at the time - numpty), thin, overweight, and obese.  Now I would be categorised as morbidly obese.  I am the biggest I have ever been and I hate myself for it and yet I continue to eat.

Half of the problem is that I seem to be an all or nothing person when it comes to weight loss.  When I lose a lot it is because I have flipped a switch, a switch that determines that I will succeed at weight loss.  The first time I lost a lot of weight was after divorcing my first husband; I went from 14 stone 6 to 9 stone 2 and now I can look at the few photos I have and think that I looked amazing; such a pity I did not see it at the time.  I put that weight back on....and more.

I lost weight again and met my second husband but my weight ballooned again during our marriage; he controlled what he ate and drank and I used to sneak food and hide Coca Cola in the wardrobes as a way of defying him.

I lost weight again during the divorce and met my now husband.  He met me thin, he saw me thinner, he saw me gain weight and eventually I reached 16 stone 8 and I hated myself.  Hubby told me every day he loved me (and he still does) but I couldn't see why.  I flipped that switch and dropped 79 lbs and I felt amazing!  I knew I would look great for our wedding.  Yet by the time our wedding arrived i weighed near to 13 stone.  Now you can add over 5 stone on top of that; I hate myself and yet I still eat.

So yes, Brittany's post is important.  Because people only see the exterior and yet they form their opinion of that person on that exterior and they comment to others and make jokes and they do not see that an overweight person may well already hate themselves.  More jokes and comments hurt more and so we eat more and so the everlasting circle continues.

I urge any one reading this blog - please visit Brittany Herself!  I commented because I felt compelled to; in the hope that one person who has formed opinions on an overweight person without getting to know them should at least be able to read how it makes people feel.

Does westernised exhaustion exist?

shattered.com

 

If there is, I have it!  It is the end of my first full week of work and I am so tired I have been awake 2 hours and could happily go back to bed and sleep for another 5.  I am so tired I am yearning for Saturday to arrive so that I can go back to bed for a couple of hours after taking mum-in-law shopping at 8am.

The house needs cleaning and the closest to getting the house back to normal now the Christmas decorations are down (booooo, hiss) is basically taking them down because none of the normal trinkets and ornaments are back in their usual places.  For once, I am too tired to care.  

Like a true office person I am maintaining that brain power is more hard work than physical labour though if I had to test that theory I would probably die for real or spend my time wishing I was.

Strange, the gas fire has just turned itself off.  Now it either has a fail safe on it that I haven't known about for the past 9 years or we have a ghost.....I had a moment of panic that it was broken, I have to admit.  After all, it is what keeps me warm when working from home without the need to heat the whole house.  It seems to be switching back on so I can breathe a huge sigh of relief; the credit card lives to see another day.

Hmmm, now that woke me up a little bit.  The thought of being cold, yep that did it.  Not quite sure what the fluff bags would have done either because they have taken to lying on their beds in the office/dining room now all snuggled up near the fire in one big puppy pile. 

I have managed to book Hubby and I into a visit with K and M tonight.  I have already had a night at the cinema with A (the new Paranormal Activity film - don't bother) and an evening with Angel (with a bit of Beautiful B thrown in for good measure who turned up carol singing at A's house during the evening - yes, it is January) in the past 2 evenings.  It's only my bright spark that can arrange 3 visits on consecutive nights and then decide it may not have been the brightest of ideas on the first week back at work.

Maybe I am unwittingly trying to book myself early retirement on health grounds because I may well just give myself an early heart attack at this rate. I also volunteered to taxi Beautiful B around today too - glutton for punishment!

As an aside while searching the web for today's caption competition with the search word "exhaustion", I came across one that had a picture of a yawning baby that said "Anyone whoever said that they slept like a baby has obviously never had one" - now that's the truth.  That and random photos of Demi Moore, looking as unexhausted as she can so that appeared quite random.  There may well be a perfectly reasonable explanation; I just don't know it.  Answers on a postcard....

Have a great weekend everyone.

Why you should never eat red hot chillis

My brother loves his chillis....because he is a masochist.  Okay, he isn't really but you get the idea.

I'm not sure you should be this excited!

As far as he is concerned the hotter the better.  His dad being a chef he knows how to cook and apparently makes some mean prawns with garlic and chilli but I only have that on Hubby's authority as I do not like prawns - I like seafood but only if it looks and tastes like a fish.  Anyhoo, he doesn't make them as hot when Hubby is eating them and still Hubby's mouth burns for a loooonnnnggg time.

While in Centerparcs we went out for a gorgeous meal for Hubby's birthday.  C ordered hot wings.....he loves hot wings, the hotter the better.  So when he ordered them he asked if he could have them hot and I said to the waitress "Hot, hot, hot!"

Hubby ordered prawns in some kind of coating and hotish dip and the 'brothers' swapped a sample each.  It was all going so well, C was saying how tasty the hot wings were and Hubby was commenting on the flavour and lack of heat in the prawn coating was just right because of the heat in the dip; in fact they were like two little old men putting the world to rights.  

Meanwhile, A and I were busy sampling each other's cocktails on the other side of the table because you know; a girl has to have some priorities in life.

It got to the point that Hubby sampled the hot wing and honestly all he took was one bite and I swear he almost had a coronary.  Now, he doesn't really like stuff too hot I will admit, though he is getting better over time, but apparently the hot wing was beyond hot.  So it was probably unfair that C, A and I found it almost one of the funniest moments of the day.

In fact, a day later Hubby mentioned that he had taken the skin off the roof of his mouth just eating that one bite.  Why would anyone want to eat something so hot that it would be dangerous for your health?  The fact that a hot wing can take the skin off the roof of one's mouth may explain why C looked like this an hour after eating his wings.....the sauce actually burnt his chin!  C still maintained that they were not 'too hot'.  All I ask is why would you?!

Should we rethink the non-title 'masochist'?

 

Impromptu Invites

I sent Hubby out to do overtime on Saturday while I finished off the house spring clean.  Having taken my time with it during my week off work I still had the garden to finish and was adding to my 'to do' list by the hour.

None of this has been helped by more computer game playing than cleaning during the week but having stubbornly refused to take a migraine pill on Friday because 'it wasn't too painful' I admitted defeat and went to bed at 6pm only to wake at 9pm thinking I had slept through the night. On discovering I hadn't and hyped up on Tramadol I was then awake until 2.30am.  As a result, I didn't dare sit down on Saturday for fear of falling asleep.

Now we all know I am extremely weird and I had visibly relaxed on Friday once my wooden floors were all clean and streak free and so I set to doing the same thing to the patio; well not streak free because it's Indian stone paving and you aren't going to get that shiny but you get the idea.

Having broken the power washer being stupid and, yet again, stubborn a few weeks earlier I almost crippled myself with a more than lack lustre performance from the hosepipe and a stubborn refusal from the yard brush to make life easy for me.  Ignoring my back which was screaming at me for a break I then spent another 30 minutes bent over like the Hunchback of Notre Dame spraying the moss with a 'moss-killer' before refusing to let the fluff bags outside to play until it dried.  Harder than it sounds, trust me, because despite being covered in hair the girlies love sunbathing.

Having endured 30 minutes of crying from all 3 girlies I opened the back door and as they sunned themselves for the rest of the afternoon, I set to steam cleaning the oven and the kitchen floor well....because I can and the fact that my oven door is like a mirror drives me insane when it isn't streakfree.

You can imagine what I looked like when I turned up at my brothers armed with fluff for dog bedding and the Kindle that I lost and then found again after I bought another, the latter of which A is giving to her mum.  Taking pity on me they parked me on a posh recliner in the back garden which I promptly broke - though I maintain it was my brothers bad DIY/flat pack skills rather than my fault - for a catch up before I collected Hubby from work.

Armed with an impromptu invite to their BBQ I picked Hubby up expecting him to say no because lets face it apparently 'he can't sleep when I wake up' so he had been awake since 4.30am when I had deemed it time to get out of bed.  To my delight, he thought the idea of me not having to cook dinner was a great idea so we returned home to feed the fluff bags before returning to my brothers. 

I set about cleaning up the garden after the 4 fluff bags and amazed Hubby with my complete excitement at discovering that the moss killer had not only killed the moss but disintegrated it meaning I did not have to battle with the brush again.  Let's just say, as an aside, that I will be stocking up on that moss killer stuff!

Back at my brothers, while the boys attempted 4 times to light a BBQ (altogether now....how many men does it take to light a BBQ?) A and I put the world to rights reclining in the sun and talked future wedding plans and venues before arranging a night out to see Iron Man 3 on Monday. 

After filling up on delicioius food we left the boys talking golf (well that would be Paul and Hubby while my brother wandered in and out the front sitting room A and I had comandeered moaning about said golf discussions) while we watched Fast and Furious 5.

We left at 10pm and Hubby collapsed on the bed while I sorted the dogs out.  Within 5 minutes he was away with the fairies and I had to lift his arms and deposit them, like dead weights back onto his chest from my side of the bed.  Another night of restless sleep and I was awake at 3.30am but didn't dare get out of bed for fear of Hubby again deciding he cannot sleep when I am awake (otherwise known as caring far too much for my wellbeing).  Having given up at 5.30am I am all set for a day of accounts and I am compromising by insisting on being comfortable while doing them by staying in my PJs.

Having said that the sky is bright blue without a cloud in the sky so I may be tempted to take my rocking chair out into the garden this afternoon and relax in the sun with a good serial killer novel.

Happy Sunday everyone (well, Happy Monday to you but you get the idea).

So what did you all get up to at the bank holiday weekend?

x
 

Five Things Friday – the CenterParcs addition

Now don’t moan you all knew this was coming.  It had to happen; I spend a whole 3 and ½ days there, admittedly over half of it in some form of alcoholic inebriation.  So I thought what I would do this week is five things I liked/love about CenterParcs.

The surroundings

I live in what can be considered to be a small town compared to some; famously (somewhat) known to be one of the most deprived towns in the country but ignoring that there are lots and lots of buildings.  You could argue there are lots of buildings at CenterParcs and there are but they are cabins and made of wood so don’t count.  The others are admittedly buildings but they contain wonders such as pancakes, fajitas, ice-cream, alcohol, bowling alleys, spas, swimming pools and not necessarily in that order.

We will ignore the fact that I am incredibly stupid when after driving up to the reception gate/desk and being welcomed with “Hello Mrs D, how are you today?” I responded with “Wow, that is really clever!  How did you know it was me?!” as Hubby looked at me in complete amazement at my stupidity and instead concentrate on how my shoulders relaxed as soon as me and my little car drove up the winding road surrounded by trees.

We will ignore me bouncing up the drive after parking the car (as much as asthma would allow) saying in a sing song voice “Hello little squirrels, where are youuuuuu?”  It is no wonder really that none of them were in sight for the whole stay except the one time a lonesome squirrel deemed it safe to pass by our wooden home because I was sleeping.

Demonstrating no low branches and some green, shut up!  It was April!

It was clear that the lower branches of the trees had been cut off.  Not really thinking the reason through I was most disappointed that being 5 ft nothing meant that even craning my neck to look at the higher branches I was unlikely to see any elusive squirrels.  I will admit, grudgingly, that it does make sense to cut off lower branches to curtail any young whipper snapper of boys trying to alternatively climb trees and break legs and such.

The huge shower and Jacuzzi bath

An added bonus because despite picking a higher spec wooden home than C and A would normally book for a holiday I had neglected to check nearer our holiday what was actually provided so I excited to say the least at the discoveries.  It was a good job young whipper snappers were not about as I my head and mouth had disengaged from each other and my mouth obviously felt the need to just provide a running commentary of what was going through my mind when I forgot that people were near when I verbalised the benefits of such a huge shower. 

Nor is it a good job to ignore the advice you provide your Beautiful B with when shopping, that being that things should not be touched unless you intend to buy/use them because when you discover that the bath is also a Jacuzzi going “Oooooh” at the same time as pressing a button means the Jacuzzi function will engage and you will dance around the bathroom trying to turn it off because there is absolutely no water in the bath!

You will also be disappointed that no-one had realised it was a Jacuzzi bath when it was full of cold water trying to cool the beer bottles down because that would just have been WICKED!

The Spa……..OBVIOUSLY

Being on holiday means that you can ignore the inflated price of all things, especially those that provide a nice relaxing back, neck and shoulder massage!  While A and I partook of the spa Hubby and C played pool.


You can then plot with one of your best friends A to find a way of being able to afford a spa session at least once a month.  Now if only I can get Hubby to realise just how bad for him 2 bottles of Rose wine are for him each month – I mean, it doesn’t even have the benefits of reducing heart disease like red wine. 

The Alcohol….and pancakes

Not together because…just urgh!

Added Alcohol!

Alcohol was plentiful and as we were childless we did not have to worry about drinking during the day or too much at night.  Having packed a couple of crates of beer and a bottle of vodka with plentiful amounts of lemonade and coke we thought we were well stocked – not so much it appears.  Despite buying copious amount of alcohol each afternoon and evening we not only managed to deplete our wooden home’s stock but had to buy more! 

Being a big kid I was more than excited by The Pancake House on the complex but had to wait 2 whole days before everyone agreed to go.  Granted I could have gone on my own but that would have eaten into valuable drinking time.

Playing safe on the first visit I settled for a banoffee pancake but insisted on going back on the morning we were travelling home to have breakfast to sample the forest fruits one.  I was quite proud of being the only adult in there, for a while, eating a pancake with fruit, ice-cream and cream for breakfast instead of a savoury pancake.

I have to admit that a sweet pancake with a side of nachos, cheese and salsa for breakfast is a little strange.

Friends and Family

Partners in crime

A much needed holiday for my brother C who has lost his mum and dad within 6 months of each other (good idea to mention here that he is my ex brother-in-law but will always be my brother) and A who has helped him through it all.  Watching him relax and enjoy himself was good enough for me and as Hubby is his best friend he was surrounded by people that love him. 

All I can say is that I am grateful that the one night I took myself off to bed before everyone else (after falling asleep on the couch and not being woken up by the popcorn thrown at me for 10 minutes) I slept soundly enough not to hear Hubby and C get louder with each vodka they drank; unfortunately not the case for poor A.

A taking a photo of me taking a photo of her..

I am completely relaxed with C and A; and of course Hubby.  I tend to completely revert to being more than a bit mental and dizzy when around C because besides Hubby, Beautiful B, Rachel, Angel and A he truly accepts me for who I am and strangely enough finds me more than a little amusing and loves me for it.  

Although technically I am older than him (by all of just over 2 months) he is my big brother and surrounds me with love and huge bear hugs every time he sees me.  He is also incredibly laid back and if we heard “Whatever you like” once this weekend we heard it 20 times. 

Hubby's addition to the birthday message

Hubby was 40 on the Sunday of our stay and not being one for the centre of attention a quiet trip away with loved ones was just what he needed and much more his cup of tea.  We gave him his wish except for the 5 minutes he had to stand in a crowded restaurant while everyone sang Happy Birthday to him.   Oh and lets not forget the bowling where his name on the scoreboard was “Birthday Boy” instead of Hubby and a tickertape message ran across all screens wishing him a wonderful birthday – not that I had anything to do with that [whistle].


Not great focus - blame the laughing



A weekend being myself surrounded by love, laughter, fun and games – not much more you can ask for.

Preparing for CenterParcs

Today is the first day of a long weekend away from work. Why?  Because Hubby and I are off to CenterParcs with my Brother C and his fiancee and one of my best friends, A.  Beautiful B and Ry are having a romantic weekend (ignoring the work they have to go to) at our house looking after the fluffers and having some much needed time together as a couple.

 

We go away tomorrow so I am off work today to prepare.  My brother is a fabulous cook and has instructed us to leave the food shopping and cooking to him which is an excellent idea considering that I have boiled carrots dry and exploding a boiled egg while cooking in the past. I may have to go out and buy beer and I am more than happy to do that and I have a list of what must be packed and I will remember to pack the asthma inhaler this time! 

 

We have all been on the website and looked at the activities available.  My brother C is still trying to convince Hubby that he should do something special on his 40th birthday such as quadbiking.  Hubby doesn't drive because he once drove over a roundabout while concentrating on gears when learning to drive so he thinks he may be too dangerous on a quadbike and as much as I hate to admit it, a little part of me agrees with that.

There are other activites and as the site we are staying at covers 40 acres bikes can be hired.  I much prefer a less active mode of transport to get around the complex though......

See now these look like lots of fun and I am sure even Hubby could manage to get around on these without injury or accident.

I quite fancy some zipwiring and I have more chance of convincing my brother and my best friend A to join in with me. Hubby may sit with a beer and cheer us on.

Or how about some tree treking......I'm thinking Hubby might think this is a bit too much exercise for a holiday.  I am wondering whether me and my brother are too heavy for both of these two activities seen as both of us have settled into our relationships more than comfortably shall we say.

There are two places I will definitely be visiting!  They will be the candy shop and the pancake house.  After all, you have to let go when on holiday.....

 

  Yum, Yum!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having said all of that, I have to get us there yet.  Being nortorious for not being able to find my way out of a paper bag my brother is supplying a sat nav system in an attempt to get Hubby and I there safe and sound.

 

I am sure I will be posting some beautiful pictures of scenery on my return.  Having been there before my brother knew which woodland chalet to book and it backs onto a lake.  He fully intends to do a BBQ one evening.  Seen as it is only April and the weather is more indecisive than I am along with the normal attire I will be packing a blanket, hot water bottle, gloves, scarf and hat because I am determined that I will sit outdoors enjoying a BBQ even if it is a bit chilly.  Unless you have figured it out, I am always the one saying that it is cold outdoors.

 

I cannot think of a better way to celebrate Hubby's 40th birthday than taking him away to relax.  A birthday party such as mine would have been his worst nightmare.  My brother and his fiancee A have been through an awful time these last 6 months and so some rest and relaxation is definitely on the cards for them.

 

See you all on the other side!

 

x 

Gold Cup Day 2013; a blow by blow account

For those of you who are not of UK origin Gold Cup Day is the biggest horse-racing day of the Cheltenham Racing Festival week.  Historically Hubby and my brother C (who might as well be twins!) have spend the Friday afternoon each year in the pub watching the racing, screaming at the TV, spending copious amounts of money on beer and racing – though I am eternally grateful that Hubby can restrict himself to smaller bets than my brother even if it does my for smaller winnings.

This year, not only did I take the afternoon off work to spend with the boys I took the week off with Hubby – because he is worth it (not really an apt slogan seen as he has very little hair to speak of……)

So here goes:

• Thursday night we arrive at C’s house to spend time with his fiancée A.   Hubby loves their company but dreads their open fire place – I would spend my life in front of it if I could get away with it. 
• Hubby goes to bed muttering under his breath about nightmares after being subjected to ‘American Horror Story Asylum’ out of the corner of his eye while playing on line poker while A and I catch up on some episodes.
• A leaves me at 11pm watching more episodes as I was hooked – 3am came and went requiring a lie in the next morning.
• A swift dash home after dropping the boys off at the pub on realising that the admission tickets for the evenings charity event were safely tucked away in a drawer meant I had some alcoholic catching up to do when I eventually arrived at the pub.
• A quick dash for A and I to the charity shop to pick up some Comic Relief noses (a set of 3 meant we had to have them all) so we could mess about with them all afternoon.
• By 3pm the race winnings score was Hubby 1 – Ribena 3 – enough said.
• By 4.30pm A and I commiserate with C and Hubby after they narrowly miss scooping up winnings of £440 and £75 respectively as a result of jockey’s who forgot to put Velcro on the seat of their pants. 
• I’m guessing that commiserating by saying “C, you never had the money in the first place” wasn’t that helpful on reflection.
• After discussing all things wedding with A in preparation for being her matron of honour and making random videos of Comic Relief Red Nose getting drunk on vodka and filling up on chips we took off for cocktails (vodka count = 7).
• After being presented with a strawberry mojito an apology was in order after berating Hubby for not arguing with the barmaid over the absence of strawberry daiquiris when they were clearly on the menu.  After all, the mojito was beautiful even if it did have too many green leaves in the glass for my liking.
• Onwards and upwards to the charity evening raising funds for an operation to enable a special little girl to walk.  I walked more than well enough into that bar despite 7 vodka’s and a strawberry mojito, if I do say so myself.
• Swiftly followed by R and her hubby D, the bar beckoned as did crisps and unfortunately for me Pork Scratchings for Hubby – eugh!
• Brother C was ‘wasted’ for want of a better word; I knew he should have been eating more of those chips with me at dinner time and after selling the benefits of home made mashed potato and burgers he had to go home and lie down.
• Many trips to the sensible women selling pretend horse sponsorships and bets between copious amounts of lager (can you tell I was sending Hubby to the sensible women – I needed the drinking time…) and at the end of the evening we had won a grand total of £20 despite spending about £100 in total but were all the merrier for it all going to a great cause.
• Arriving back at C and A’s with a stomach filling 10 vodkas to my name both Hubby and I declared that we managed to have drank ourselves sober and fell into a blissful sleep until the next morning.
• Another lie in for me having realised that the lack of a lie in at home is the result of 4 very insistent fluff bags only to arrive downstairs to see Hubby getting excited at being 1 of 40 left in an online poker tournament he had been playing for 2 hours.  Even I had to get interested the more he kept throwing his arms up in the air with excitement.  A 2^nd place netted me us a nice £130 which would pay nicely for the basin and taps I wanted – who said you had to work for money.

My wonderful brother and his wonderful fiance

So, today is Friday (but it's been published the day after) and I am so excited.  Hubby and I are visiting my brother C and his fiance A tonight.  He has already prepared my dinner and texted me a photo of it last night (he is a wonderful cook) because he is so good to me.  

We are out for a couple of cocktails, well A and I will be; Hubby and C will be on lager before we return for dinner and more alcohol.  I am being spoiled and we are staying overnight so I can drink and be even merrier and not worry about driving home or getting a taxi (at extortionate prices).

I am excited because as well as being wonderful, I did not speak to my brother for 18 months.  Technically he is my ex-brother in law and when he split from my sister I refused to talk to him for a while.  I was hurt that she was hurt and also, if I am honest, I was hurt that I lost a brother.

He was patient, waited for me to forgive him and we have picked up where we left off.  C and Hubby are so alike, like two peas in a pod, and are best friends and I have become best friends with his fiance, A which some might think is a bit weird but it isn't.

I love that he loves me, I love that he loves my nuttiness, I love that he looks forward to seeing me as much as I him, I love the huge bear hugs I get every time I see him, I love that when in one particular bar he drags me on the dance floor to dance and sing loudly (and badly) to our favourite 80's music.

I love that although he said he would never marry again, A broke down his defenses and he loves her enough to want to risk breaking his heart again.  I love that A loves me, I love that we are best friends, I love that she has asked me to be her matron of honour (though admittedly my sister is going to hate that), I love that she wants me involved in planning every aspect of the wedding.  I love that I can get over my bruised feelings about how my sister and C broke up to accept A and she me.

Anyhoo, I may not be in a fit state to post on Saturday, hence setting this one up early.

My little aliens and I are off now, to dance around my office chair in muted excitement all day waiting desperately for 3pm.