Wednesday, 8 October 2014

2 years and counting

2 years ago today you made me happier than I already was.  Happier than I ever thought possible.  It was a day that suited both of us and one that you could relax into.  A day where seeing you in a suit for the first time in your life would have been ridiculous; a day where I wanted you to be you.  And so, you stood at the end of the aisle in a white short sleeved shirt and didn’t turn round to see me walk to you on the arm of my dad because the register had told you that you shouldn’t but instead waited until I met you and said ‘Oh, there you are.’  And I breathed a sigh of relief that you had relaxed enough to not feel as almost overwhelmed at the idea of being the centre of attention as you thought you would be and could enjoy it.

It was a day where all you saw, and still see, is the dress I turned up to the wedding in instead of the one you and I had bought earlier that year.  You don’t see the different bulges that I do, all you see is me and how beautiful you thought I looked that day. 

I remember asking you to take off your glasses when the photographs were being taken outdoors because they were reactor lights and I couldn’t see your eyes and wanted to look at them every time I looked at the photographs.  I remember you goofing about with the best man and how overjoyed I was that you were enjoying it.

I remember your delight at seeing the engravings I had secretly had put in our wedding bands that signified the 3 important days of our relationship to date; the day we met; the day you asked me to marry you and of course, our wedding day.

I remember your delight at the personalised bride and groom I had commissioned for the cake because I couldn’t find one with a bald head and glasses in a white shirt and how perfect you thought they were.

I remember being almost overwhelmed at the wonderful job that Dave and Rachel had done at the restaurant when putting the tables together and noticing that every place setting was exact – so typically Rachel and that she knew that it is what I would have wanted.  I remember you giving the grooms speech and how nervous you were; so nervous that you had your hands in your pockets to help relax you.  

I remember looking at each of the 40 guests and loving the intimacy of close family and friends knowing that everyone there loved us as much as we love them. 

I remember the beautiful words you spoke about your dad who sadly could not be there with us and how you spoke about how much he would have loved me and how that made your mum and Beautiful B cry.  I love the words you said for Beautiful B and how much she loved them; so much she sobbed and the lovely, sweet words you built into your speech for my mum and dad.

I remember discussing commissioned framed extracts of the speech for Beautiful B, your mum and my mum and dad and how touched they were to receive them. 

I remember appearing from upstairs with Angel ready to cut the cake in the dress that we originally selected for the wedding dress and you not even remembering what it had looked like; it having disappeared from your mind as soon as you saw the one I did wear at the wedding itself.

I remember the feeling of completeness that enveloped me when we were pronounced man and wife and how 2 days later while holding my hands in town you said that I had been right; that marriage did feel different and that ‘it just felt right’ and how my heart sang at those words.

I am reminded of the feeling I got taking your name that day every time I sign my name, say my name and think about my name.  I am reminded that my mum was right and that I did know I had found ‘the right one’ as soon as we started dating because it does feel totally different than any other relationship that I have had.  I feel how right it is right down to my bones, in every heart beat, in every breath. 

I thank myself lucky that you walked in mine and Beautiful B’s life and never left; that your felt you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me despite knowing we could never have children of our own.  I love that you consider Beautiful B your own while respecting the place her father has in his life, that you knew just how to look after her without her feeling that you were trying to take her dad’s place; that you love us unconditionally.

I love that you fill every void that I didn’t know that I had and that I cannot imagine life without you. 

I love you and I could rabbit on all day about what I loved about our wedding day and what I love about being your wife.  But I won’t because I will tell you all this in person as soon as we wake.

Happy Anniversary my sweet.  2 years down and decades to go.

I love you until all the stars fall out of the sky xxxxxx

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