Monday, 28 July 2014

Bruises....what causes them?

Well of course, I know, burst capilliaries and such - I did rather well at biology but I am asking in a much broader sense.  Because (and I start the sentance with 'because' because now they teach, in bona fide schools, that you can start a sentance with 'because'), I have woken up this morning to 4 bruises about my person.

I cheating a little because when I returned from Sheffield last night, and decided it was too hot to lie under the duvet and after having checked that Beautiful B's boyfriend was not staying overnight decided to sleep in as little underwear as possible with a fan blasting warm air at me, Hubby decided to poke a new bruise he saw on my leg and said 'How did that happen?'

Now that was a stupid thing to say and do for at least 2 reasons; firstly, poking a bruise is going to do it a lot of good, isn't it, and secondly Hubby knows that I randomly find bruises and have no idea how I have got them.  Beg's the question then why even ask because he knew I was going to say 'Haven't got a clue'.  Which I did say but after he had rudely and non-sensibly poked a bruise, I pointed, note pointed, out 2 further bruises that I had no idea how I got.

So I already knew about 2 of the bruises. This morning I have found another two.  One of them is on my arm so having been on a train yesterday I am likely to have banged it on the edge of a chair trying to find my seat when walking down the carriage or, and more likely, rested my arm against the edge of the table.  Apparently it is easier to bruise as you age so I will accept that rather than question whether I am get clumsier as I age.
And yes, we will ignore the time that I momentarily blacked out and fell, hitting my head on the security pass post and breaking a finger. 

Why Hubby thought I could tell him where the bruise on my leg came from I have no idea because I never can.  I can go to bed without a bruise in sight and wake up looking like I have been to bed with Mr Grey of 50 Shades fame.  And no, although I am not helping by making reference to Mr Grey, don't be smutty. 

I am restless at night at the best of times, let alone in the heat we are experiencing now and randomly wander back and forth to the bathroom 4-5 times a night.  Alas, as much as I love her to pieces and meeces, I blame my mother.  Because (there we go again with starting a sentance with 'because' because...well I can) when I was young enough to be going through toilet training, if I woke at night and wandered in her room to snuggle up in bed with her and dad she took me to the bathroom in my half asleep state and then took me back to bed where I merrily and happily went back to sleep.  So now, 40 years later I am basically conditioned to go to the bathroom every time I wake up.  My brain thinks I need to pee and so I pee.  Basically, I am a Fredster dog who is now conditioned to want to go out in the garden every time I give him the slightest thing to eat because that is the way I house trained him.  Thanks mum.

So what was that painfully long paragraph about because it seems as though I went off on a tangent and those that know me in real life would agree that you have to be quick to follow my conversations because I go off on tangents more than a trigonometary teacher?  Except I didn't!  Because what I am getting at is that it is highly likely that in my moonlit wanderings I have walked into the laundry basket or the bannister post at the top of the stairs.  After all, I know where my bed is but ever since we got a bed with an edge around the mattress area I walk into that corner more often than not - I swear that bed moves during the night!

My bruises have moved usual locations though as I work from home mostly so I obviously walked into a lot of desks when I worked at the office and then randomly forgot I had walked into them because I was forever finding bruises and now I don't find as many on that part of my legs.  As the dining-room is my office walking into this table corner leaves bruises on my hips.

As you know I make lists to remember things; maybe I should start listing knocks every time they occur so when a bruise appears I know where it has come from?

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