Oh what an exciting life I lead.....
Having stupid hands I find that when the wood on the front gate swells from the rain I struggle to close it fully. Which leaves it to blow about in the wind. Which risks it breaking even further than it already is. Which upsets Hubby.
What upsets me is the postman. He delivers post. He has decided he also has to struggle to shut the gate fully. So he doesn't bother. I could say that one day the fluffy post biter will be able to get through the door to the person who posts the post. Except that would be mean. Evil. Would probably get me sued. Charged by the police for handling a dangerous dog. Which is ridiculous because he is afraid of the wind.
Anyhoo, the nice man fitting the gate has asked me do I want to stain or paint the gate. Both will protect it from the rain. Especially if he returns to paint or stain it. To make sure that every last part of that gate is stained or painted. To stop the rain getting in. Because I wouldn't. Not that I would want to miss any bits. But because I would be busy trying to make sure I don't drip any on my nice block paving. Which needs a good clean with a power washer. I would drip paint or stain on them about as easily as I would drop my dinner down my front. Which is more than very easily.
Seriously I just want to be able to shut the gate. And not be the laughing stock of the neighbourhood. For having a patched up gate. Which was done by a landscaper/gardener apparently. I would questions his qualifications. This man is doing an excellent job so far.
Right, so having decided that I should go with paint because there are so many more options in terms of colour and I am all for a splash of colour. Red is my favourite colour (well, I also like purple, almost as much but that may look a bit weird on a gate and I am not sure you can buy exterior paint in purple). I decided to email Hubby and tell him what I thought about in terms of colour.......and erm, a little decoration for the gate. My email went like this:
A nice red gate would go well with the cream front of the house and the red wall…
'I could get a plague that reads - BEWARE - dogs will lick you to death'
'BEWARE - escaped mentalist lives here'
'Postman - don't drop your elastic bands in my garden or I may just strangle you with one if I catch you do it again...oh and shut the gate when you leave'
'All strangers leave as friends'
'The D*****d Family'
'SHUT THE DAMN GATE!!'
but some of them may appear a tad rude….
Does this email indicate I have a split personality or a good/bad side? Hey I could play good cop and bad cop - I could have been Cagney or Lacey.
Hubby is either used to this kind of mental jumping about or got to a certain part of the email and went no further because his response was merely.....
will look odd against the wall colour?
Why would a red gate look strange against a reddish brick colour? He will want something boring like black. He has stopped at 'red gate' and not even got to the part about an abusive/non abusive plague. Either that or is not taking that part seriously.
I don't know why he bothers discussing it. He will eventually let me have the gate whatever colour I want.