While a but bored painting fences last week I started an email trail with Hubby who was working hard at his proper job (as opposed to the unpaid one which is keeping me safe and himself sane) before he received my first email....
Dear Mr Hubby,
I think it only fair to give you sufficient warning.......
It is unlikely that all the fence panels will be finished today because it has taken me until 12.40pm to paint 4 1/2 panels and at this rate (including the estimated time to paint the concreate panels and posts cream) I expect it will take me a full 2 days, possibly more, could be 4 days depending on how bored I get.
Because it is boring I sometimes find myself thinking that fence painting is really a mans job but seen as you are working so hard 6 days a week so I can buy pretty flowery things for the garden it is the least that I can do.
I will forgoe cleaning the house and ignore all the bits of freddy fluff and bits of new carpet that are lying about in order to see if putting this years coat of wood protector makes it look any different than it did when I started - though the bits that had no paint on them now do but that might be because they are still wet.
You will be much relieved to know that I took 30 minutes this morning after engaging the miniscule part of my brain that stores common sense to cover the very expensive indian stone paving with rubbish bags (empty of course) and masking tape before I started painting. I knew it was a good idea when I realised that I needed to wash my glasses and remove the paint splatter from them. At the same time I thanked my lucky stars I had not inserted contact lenses this morning because I am not convinced I could drive myself to Accident and Emergency with only one working eyeball.
You will be less happy to know that I have not 'creamed myself up' (as you so eloquently put it) with suncream this morning for a number of reasons:
1. it is cloudy with only a bit of sun
2. it is getting cloudier (and woe betides the individual responsible for any rain later today)
3. I am facing away from any sun so the only thing likely to get tanned are the back of my arms, which quite frankly, could do with some colour
4. I am coated in that much paint I suspect it is doing a better job than the sun cream would.
Now turning to the less interesting stuff:
1. Did you get back in contact with the man about the chair and microwave?
2. Have you let C (my brother) know that we will indeed be at his house on Saturday at around 4.15pm?
3. Have you rang mum and told her that I will collect her at 8am on Saturday to take her shopping?
and finally, I love you, until all of the stars fall out of the sky.
Realising that he was going to have to respond to have any hope of eventually being left alone to earn his salary, Hubby replied with:
No wonder its taking you so long to paint the fence because:
a: you're emailing me, and;
b: you're getting more on yourself than you are the fence panels!!
re the less interesting stuff:
a: not yet haven't seen him but am on it!!! (he is still on it....)
b: change of plan as only just found out no overtime this weekend
c: phoned mum last night (IN FRONT OF YOU!!!) (oopsie, there goes my memory again!) to tell her re shopping. lol
have a thought around that now though as overtime is off, will discuss with you later
loves u too
As you can see he is a man of far less words than I!
Naturally I replied (because we women like the last word) ....with this:
I have far too much to do to waste time thinking about days which are a day away. As for wasting time emailing you I am sure they say that communication is the secret of a fantastic marriage.
Hubby already bored with my twittering replied very simply with:
What's for dinner?
Thinking 'this man is cruising for a brusing, I replied rather quickly with:
Tea is whatever you are making.
K had a thought. (It took a while, I was now responding to his previous request for me to have a think about the weekend plans) Turns out I can multi task at home as well as work. We will take mum shopping Sat afternoon and them go to C's after that.
Oh and seen as you are no longer working overtime this weekend there is a paintbrush with your name on it when you get home
Told u I loved you! Xxx
I could tell he was on the ropes with the next response:
Thought I binned that personalised paintbrush??????
What is there for me to make dinner with?
Thinking that he had received and understood my desire for him to help me paint fence panels my response went like this:
No I have not binned said paintbrushes. Or you may have done and I have ordered you a brand new set personalised with "Mr Hubby - Ribena's world and handyman when she had undertaken a job too big for herself". As you can tell they are big ass brushes!
As for dinner, no idea, I am sure you will find something with which to work your magic xxxx
Hubby clearly thinking about his bike ride home in 26 degrees of heat simply said:
Chinese or 5 star (kebab takeaway) ?
My response told him I knew him well by now:
Now I knew you were going to say takeaway! It is getting sunnier and hotter so it is probably the best thing to do especially if you are going to help me in the garden after tea. I say say 5 star because I fancy a chicken kebab. I need to use up all these extra calories I have burned today! I mean it must be 100s I have burnt.
Of course this conversation spanned over 2 hours because I was painting fences and Hubby was attempting to get work done despite my interruptions and the sun had finally decided to show her face permanently.
So what was the outcome? Chicken Kebab and I resumed painting fences on my own as the bike ride home had nearly killed my husband.
The morals of this long winded tail of a loving conversation between Hubby and wife?
1. Tell your husband what you want him to make for tea; do not give him choices!
2. Despite hinting and finally telling him you wanted him to help you in the garden, if he hates DIY the likelihood of it happening are about 2% at best without the use of physical or mental torture!