Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Total Frustration.....

So I've been on a keep fit kind of thing for a while, kind of since I saw that girl on the bike whose legs I used to have and want again (sometime not long after my first post).  Another incentive was that being a sad little accountant, one day I sat and worked out the calories in a full fat can of coke, multiplied that by the average 5 cans of it I drank a day, multiplied that by 365 days a year, then divided it by the number of additional calories you have to consume to put on 1lb in weight I would put on 57 lbs in a year!  Some days it helps to be a bit of a geek....

Anyhoo, I am doing rather well and so far have dropped 4 and half stone since October.  Helped along by 5 classes of bodypump (weights to a music class basically) a week, 2 step classes and a ton of time in the gym....and the 3 mile walks with Hubby and the fluffers. 

As sad as this may sound, I love the gym - I may sometimes not love getting there, in fact in the early stages I instructed Hubby to "make" me go unless I was ill (under my instruction of course because Hubby finds it difficult to insist that I do anything being the loving hubby that he is).  I go for an hour and come back 3 hours later stuffed to the brim with all the happy endorphins that exercise releases. 

So when you are forced to have to stop it gets kind of maddening.  Makes one stir crazy even.  10 years ago I developed Repetitive Strain Injury (or RSI as it is more commonly known) - being a touch typist since I was 14 probably had everything to do with it.  So my right hand and elbow were sore but as my mother never went to the doctor until she was dying neither did I.  When I did go I got the rollocking of my life for leaving it so long that I couldn't feel the last 2 fingers on my right hand.  Anti inflammatory drugs were prescribed and have been taken for 10 years (which drives me insane enough - I mean who wants to take drugs their entire lives.......)

Now this is when working for the government comes in handy - being covered under the Disability Discrimination Act they had to put measures in place to help me at work and they did in spades - specialist keyboards and a mouse (which looks like a nice gaming joystick from my younger Atari days), specialist desk, document holder and......voice activated equipment.  The latter of which I stopped using when I left a benefit processing management role because I felt better and....well, it is kind of embarrassing to talk to a computer in a room full of people and I ain't nothing if not good at getting very self-conscious peeps - that's why there aren't any photos of me on here.

So, everything was going swimmingly.....except for the hand that hurt when I write for more than 3-4 minutes but who needs to write much when you have a keyboard...right?

So you all know where this is going, don't ya?  Yep, a huge flare up and a discovery that not only is it as bad as it was in my right hand but worse as it now affects my elbow, hand and wrist and also my left hand and elbow.  Seems I may have been unknowingly doing more damage while the drugs have been working their magic for 10 years.  So much so that I am to be referred back to the hospital as the doctor is concerned at the speed of the flare up.

So I have had to give up practically everything I do.  Now those of you that know me may think I am strange and you would be right.  In particular, I am okay as long as I can cope at one place, either work or home.  At the moment I am coping at neither which drives me kind of nuts and I have frequent little meltdowns where Hubby has to dig deep and find the real reason for the meltdown rather than the thing I happen to be having a meltdown over at the time such as the washing up not being done or pots being left in the sink. 

Writing makes me cry with pain now, my hand feels not too bad in a morning but is a git by the time I get home and driving is horrendous after a full day at work.  To top that I cannot play games on the computer at home, something I do to switch off from the daily grind at work, can't cross-stitch (yes I know that is supposed to be an old persons kind of thing but it is relaxing OK and some of mine are pretty good I have to say), can't iron, can't prepare vegetables and cleaning I can do but only if I accept that pain is on its way (and lets not tell Hubby about the latter because he would stop me doing it and as neither he or Beautiful B feel the need to clean even when you can write your name in the dust it would drive me over the edge....)

So not coping at either, as you can see which kind of makes me a bit mental.  I am kind of annoyed at myself because while I haven't felt the pain I knew that pain in my hand when writing was not normal but continued to ignore the voice activated equipment at work so I am thinking I have kind of brought this upon myself.....and I am nothing if not good at beating myself up about things - in fact, I make a habit of finding things to feel guilty about.

It's a lesson I needed I have to admit.  Nothing else was going to make me realise the damage I was doing and this has made me realise that being self conscious at work is a necessity if I want to be able to do the other things I love.  Family and being happier at home will always come before work (especially after finding such happiness with Hubby and Beautiful B and deciding that career thingy is not all its cracked up to be) and now I know that the only way to get back to being able to do the things I love at home is to do what I should at work.

I've had to give up the gym for 4 weeks.  Bodypump is off the menu for I don't know how long and potentially always will be as the repetitive action with weights is probably not the best thing for RSI.  I'm hoping that I might be able to get back to it once or twice a week within the year.  Bodycombat (boxing, karate etc moves with aerobic exercise) is also not allowed because of the repetitive punching moves - a shame as I enjoyed pretending to kick someones head in once a month - which makes me sound kinda scary but I am not honest.

I've found myself getting short-tempered, especially these last few days.  PMT aside, yesterday there was no reason for it, work had been pretty good and Hubby was being wonderful to me as ever, Beautiful B is as beautiful as ever and no she wasn't doing all her jobs but that is nothing new so that wasn't messing with my head, baba fluff is sleeping through the, I took myself off to the gym and did a step class.  I had a tearful moment when I saw my bodypump trainer and explained why I couldn't come to class (yes, I LOVE that class) and my step trainer "felt much better" at the end of the class when I wasn't writhing about in pain at the end of it. For the record, I refuse to give up Step - I would literally have to be in a wheelchair as that class rocks! 

Those happy endorphins were back and yes this morning my right elbow is aching already so I need to be careful but I have decided I am just going to have to be more inventive when it comes to what exercise I can do in the gym because there are only 2 step classes a week and my happy endorphins tell me that is just not enough.....

So I'm kinda conscious that the last few posts haven't been my normal nutty self and frustration is a lot to do with that so I apologise and now that I am back to the gym even if on a restricted schedule, normal service should resume.

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