Thursday, 24 February 2011

This weeks lessons or reinforcements......

  1. Jogging is kinda fun, my breathing is now amazingly somewhat regular rather than the previous attempt at fighting and gasping for my last breath and I can learn to ignore the pain that is those useless things us women are forced to deal born with;
  2. When you have never run before, even if you are having fun, your knees may feel like they are being tortured for no good reason and go on strike while systematically hitting you with a dull hammer for the next 2 days just to remind you how unhappy they are with your behaviour;
  3. Investing in a decent pair of running shoes is more important than the cost and watching yourself on video to analyse the alignment of your feet when running, so you can identify why your knee is striking for better working conditions, is enlightening even if you find it hard not to stare in horror at your big fat ass on said video;
  4. When you plug your iPod into the fancy treadmill to listen to a new track and automatically tune it to the same volume as that which you use for Criminal Mind episodes its a good idea to turn the music down pretty darn quick if it is too loud to avoid your ears ringing for the following 24 hours;
  5. When you hear a persistent drip in the evening it is unlikely to be coming from outside.  Sticking your head out of the back door in the dead of night when it is throwing it down with rain is not going to help - it's dark.  If you can hear it inside the house then it is dripping inside the house!  Don't wait for your Hubby to be have more common sense than you;
  6. It is important for your own mental health not to panic when you identify that the leak that is currently discolouring the ceiling and bubbling the paint on the walls your Hubby laboured over for so long 4 months ago (and the afore mentioned persistant drip) is coming from a central heating pipe that is located in the most inaccessible part of the house - under the bath in the far corner - those engineers are ingenious - they will come and save the day, never fear.  Stressing about the potential need for the bath to be ripped out in order to facilitate the repair does not help the situation and hell woman you are insured up to the eyeballs;
  7. Dogs do not like parsnips - in fact they look at you in disgust, turn around and walk off until you come to your senses and feed them carrot, celery, onion, potato or even better jelly belly beans;
  8. If you cannot help getting upset at the ridiculous excuses the government has for cutting public sector jobs by the thousands and services to the needy then you really should watch something other than the news (you know some light hearted entertainment like Criminal Minds or NCIS) because it does not help to shout at the TV;
  9. Sometimes you are hit over the head by a lightbulb and discover you know a lot about a small range of things - the rest?  totally clueless - you know, like when you discover that New Zealand is on a big ass huge faultline.  You also think that if the whole God thing is real, you'd briefly stop to wonder if he was mighty peeved at the human race for some reason or just suffering from PMT;
  10. If you had greenfingers, a nice garden to go with those green fingers and didn't have 3 dogs that eat every plant in sight you might attempt to grow your own fruit and vegetables cos DAMN the already grown stuff is breaking the bank these last few months;
  11. Then you would decide that you need to live in a warm country because you suspect that it is difficult to grow mangos, pineapples, apples, melons and such like in a country that sees about 3 days of sun a year and even less days of warmth;
  12. A hot shower is a wonderful thing - just short of bliss after having to put up with wallowing (for as short a time as possible) in your own muck (otherwise known as a bath) because your shower goes on strike at it's overuse for very little payback;
  13. When your daughter grows up you sit in some sort of shock when you realise that she will do exactly the same things you did as a young woman when you begin to let her loose in the outside world - yep, drunk before she was out the door*.  You kinda know that already, but to see it in action in glorious technicolour is a bit of an eyeopener the first time.  The following morning, because you have a relationship where she will happily relay the nights events (those she remembers) you sit in awe of the fact that you are conscious of sitting there and thinking "Well, duh, of course that was going to happen" and then realise that she has to learn those things for herself; and
  14. Never ever let your Beautiful B allow you to be swayed into being served by her in the not to be named famous burger joint, just so she knows that you are proud of her**.  It only leads to aimless buying of pancakes and syrup for breakfast before you know just how much of your daily allowance it will take up. 

*   I will just state for the record that she was in a totally safe environment, was with trusted friends and staying at trusted friends house that evening (ignore the fact that trusted friend was that drunk at New Year that she either lost her phone or was violently sick all over it - can't remember which) 
**  No idea what that was about - had my mum turned up at my place of work for a burger stick of Blackpool rock I'd may have cried (oh wait she worked there - she was never gonna ask me for a stick of rock - though she did once tell me off for allowing my work colleagues to draw over the lenses of my brand new glasses with permanent marker and she probably took secret delight in some of the men pouring mint essence over the balls of my boyfriend at the time for being a cocky so and so

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