Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Losing the Will to Live

Seriously!  It's damn near 7pm, I've been here since 7.30 am and I will be here until at least 7.30pm and this is the 4th time in a week.  So I have signed off work and blogging to let you know that I will shortly lose the will to live.  Normally, I blog from home but when I get home I will be going straight to bed, not passing go and not collecting £200.

I hate deadlines.  I hate that someone, somewhere can tell a boss that a process can roll out in a month and then leave little old me to deliver the said process in (what I would have told him, had I been asked....) an impossible deadline.  Which is why they possibly don't ask us poor minions for that type of opinion!

I mean as much as I would LOVE to tell him "no chance" and laugh hysterically at him that it cannot possibly be rolled out in that time, but that isn't going to happen if I want to keep my job.

And the worst  best thing is, that my name is all over everything - so it is me telling people they have to do more work with the same number of people (soon to be 40% less if Mr Cameron is to be believed), not the person who made the decision.  If I allowed my picture to be taken I am sure it would be all over numerous dartboards by now.

I haven't badgered you all with insane twitterings because 1, I haven't had time and 2, my brain has gone into a coma or died by the time I get home.

I will be here until gone 7pm every night until Friday and then I may, just may, be able to relax a little.  That said, I am sure that something else will happen in the meantime that will require me to stay til stupid o'clock at work next week too.

Is 7.30pm late really!?  Are mostly 12-13 hour days at work a bad thing? In the grand scheme of things.  I have heard all sorts of stories about high flying big wigs in London that work stupid long hours regularly.  I know there are people that work long hours up this godforsaken Northern part of the country but seriously people lets make it clear that:

1.  I am a civil servant, we are not supposed to look out of the window in the morning, for fear of having nothing to do in the afternoon (apparently!!!! - that has never been the case and I have been here for longer than someone would serve a murder sentance so I should know)
2.  I do not earn the highfaluting (not even a word!) salary that would satisfy my requirement to work so late so often and for so long without something additional to show for it.

So why do I do it?
Yes, it is fantastic evidence for a promotion report and I am learning loads!!!! I am not just saying that, I am.  Which is why I am still sat here.  I can use the evidence in the future and it all assists in my plan to take over the accounting world (not really, just thought I'd say it to see what it sounded like).  If I was truly hating it, I would not be here.  I don't like letting people down.  My parents are to blame, I love them dearly but did they have to teach me responsibility, did they, really? 

I'm loving that I am learning lots of new things and stretching myself.  I am not good sometimes at pushing myself into the outer circle of the comfort zone and this is way beyond that and if I am honest, just what I needed.  I am just tired today, that's all.

I have to point out that I have 3 dogs and I seriously have begun to wonder if all the insane barking that occurs when I get home is because they think I am a stranger and they are trying to warn me that should I not vacate the property within the next 5 minutes, they will gnaw my ankles off. 

I have just realised that my comsumption since I woke up this morning has consisted of 4 cans of coke, a mars bar, a packet of cola flavoured chewits and a pack of pickled onion flavoured monster munch crisps....which may explain why my nerve synapses are firing at 1 million times a second and I am blogging!

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