Sometimes you just
need a kick up the butt. Granted God decided to give me a very stressful
one but it was what I needed at the time. There I was minding my own
business, being unusually self-centred and stressing about all things that one
cannot change; exam results being the biggest thing but also the inability
to clean the house to my usual standard because of the long drawn out
decorating that is still going on.
So God decided I
needed a wake up call and Dad had a stroke. As strokes go, minor but
still we all stressed for a week and 2 days ago (comfortable in the knowledge
he was well on the way to recovery and mum was not going to have another
heart attack worrying about the love of her life) I realised that I had not
worried about the exam results in nearly 2 weeks.
Because folks, lets
face it, they are not that important in the grand scheme of things. There
is nothing I can do by stressing about them and dreaming about them (not being
able to find my way out of a school when I haven't been in one for 20 years but
I got the analogy) and yet my brain would not turn off so God did it for
me. Now I am not complaining, I needed that kick up the ass, the world
does not revolve around me and I was making myself unhappy. I had lost
the ability to walk around thinking "it could be worse, get a grip"
and actually doing what I told myself to do.
However, I have no
nails. Well peeps, exam results are out tomorrow morning, at 8.30 to be
precise. So what if I fail the exam I expect to fail, it means a re-sit,
study for another 5 months and no room in the wardrobe for new pretty shoes but
I think the little
aliens that live in my head are stressing slightly however, they keep forcing
me to nibble my nails when I am busy doing other things without realising
However, on the off
chance I pass both exams, I am then fully qualified and I will be dancing
around a bonfire burning the books by the evening, probably on the verge of
What will I do
immediately on finding out the successful results? Cry (but then I do
that when I pass or fail), join the gym spending the whole afternoon in there,
then drink copious amounts of alcohol after ordering myself a new cross stitch
to complete. Yes, you may think me weird but I find them strangely
relaxing. I am thinking this one.....
telling me that I really do not need another Christmas picture in the
house. Really? You think so, because I don't.....
Now, in some ways
parts of my life are on hold. I know I promised to go to gym I don't know
how many blogs ago (think picture of the random woman on a bike who I took a
picture of whilst on a bus) but lets face it, when I do bother to join I will
live there and I cannot very well do that if I have to re-sit an exam.
I only have my
own self to blame if I fail but if I join the gym when I have to re-sit I
may as well kiss the future pass good-bye. So, I may well be destined to
be more than slim (or less than whichever way you look at it) for another 6
months but as I said earlier, who cares? There are much more important
things to worry about.....