Hubby

Mmmmmm - this was scheduled to be posted on the 19th of August and something went wrong........

6 years ago today we were friends. 6 years ago we were colleagues. 6 months before that I had been your line manager at work; in the 6 months that I moved to another team our friendship and respect for each other grew. I started to come out of my shell and you liked my sense of humour (you refer to that time as noticing that I was nuts); I saw more of yours as our friendship grew.

6 years ago yesterday you sat with me and the rest of our team and watched me drink 8 vodka, lime and lemonades in less than 2 hours and I am sure your respect for me grew later that afternoon when I delivered a 2 hour training course without slurring one word or even hiccupping…I wanted to continue celebrating my imminent departure from the team to start my career as an accountant, you offered to look after accompany me and make sure I got home safe. 

We put the world to rights for 3 hours in the pub and I felt bad that you had missed dinner so invited you to join Beautiful B and I for a late supper. Wanting to make sure I got home without falling over safe Feeling flattered or hungry you accepted the invitation. Little did you know that an 11 year old girl was about to give you the grilling of your life and before you went home 2 hours later she knew everything about you, even if she didn’t believe that your mum was as old as you said she was – after all 71 year old women do not have 32 year old children…..

6 years ago tonight we surprised ourselves by becoming a couple. Had someone told us not 2 days before that it was going to happen we would have laughed hysterically; after all we were friends with no sign of a romance. Looking back some might argue that allowing yourself to be interrogated by an 11 year old the night before was a sign that a relationship was to follow but as ever I was oblivious to the fact that any man might like me.

It took you nearly 12 months after that night to tell me that for the first 2 weeks you were unsure if the relationship would turn serious.  Not because Beautiful B and I came as a package but that you were unsure if you could cope with the two (then) baby fluffs as all they did was bark. I am thankful every day that you persevered…. You stayed with me knowing that you would be unlikely to have children of your own because of how difficult it would be to conceive and I adore you for that.

In the 6 years we have been together you have turned my world around. Beautiful B and I were happy and content; we weren’t looking for a relationship and maybe that is why you found us when you did. I am grateful that we were friends before we started a relationship because on that grounding we have continued to strengthen our togetherness every day.

You always have and always will accept me for who and what I am. You do not try and change me, you accept what has happened to me before and how it shaped me into who I am today and you compensate for others failings. You have worked incredibly hard to build up the confidence that was knocked out of me by the previous 2 husbands and you take great delight in seeing that confidence grow. Because of you, I am more confident around strangers and make friends easier than ever before and I have learnt not to continually analyse what people say….mostly.

You consider Beautiful B to be yours and you get angry at the way she is treated by others. You love her as you would your own and you have helped to shape her into the young beautiful empathetic person she is today. You have been there to hold her hand and hug her when she has needed someone other than me to talk to; you have been there when she was younger reasoning with her to teach her how to think of others; you have been there to show her how a a father should treat his daughter and so much more.  You are her dad in your eyes and although Beautiful B loves her father she also loves you as her stepdad. You take the dad role very seriously and we love you unconditionally for that.

You love me unconditionally and I do not question that because I know you do - I see it every time you look at me; in the way you talk to me; in how gently you treat me and in how well you care for me. I know that you know that I feel and treat you the same way and because of that we are both so content and happy in our relationship.

Bad things happened to you to put you on the path to meeting me. I can never take that away or the pain you still feel at losing your dad but hopefully I soothe that pain and help in small ways every day. I will marry you one day….as soon as we can afford the dress, honeymoon and evening reception to celebrate with friends and of course you need time to prepare for standing in front of a camera and smiling instead of hiding your face…..

Happy Anniversary darling…..you are my world and I will love you until all the stars fall out of the sky.

All Gone......Nearly

Now, I can't be on long because I am doing that pesky procastinating thing and should really be making work lunches and getting ready for work.  However, quick update......all the puppies are sold.  Why I ever got anxious about them not being sold within a day is beyond me....maybe I just needed something to worry about!  As per.....

Anyhoo, the last two to be sold:  Meet grey collar - now called Joey - Why I ask you was little Joey sold last when he is so adorably cute?  Probably because this photo was only taken on the 4th May - when that when up on the web he was sold within a day.

And now meet: no collar - now Max:  Again, who can resist.  Though I think it had more to do with him playing like a nutter when he was being viewed and then wising up and snuggling up as close to the woman who bought him as he could while Joey continued to run around like a froot loop.

5 are going to their new homes on the 22nd May - each will leave with a little piece of my heart.

Joey stays with us until the 4th of June.  Now you just know that him and Abi are going to tag team us for two weeks, don't ya?

Meet Abi:  Not the best photo but one of the cutest.  Now she barks for attention, ALL THE TIME.......  She is into everything so you just know that I am going to find things chewed.  She is inquisitive so you just know I am going to be following her around for the first few weeks of her life to limit the mischief......but she has the same temprement as her mum so it was a given really wasn't it.

Yes, I will give them a piece of my heart to take away with them.  I'll think of them often and I have more pictures of them than anything else (trying getting Beautiful B to stand still long enough to get lots of pictures - nightmare).  So why do it?  There's a theory.  Being big on reflective thoughts I think I was made for it.  I don't make money in the long term because I refuse to breed my babies every year, nor do I sell them when they get to 8 years old, so it ends up costing us over their lifetimes. But.......

.....seeing the joy on peoples faces, especially the young ones, when they first choose a puppy and then come to take them home makes giving that little piece of my heart away worthwhile.  Knowing they will be loved and will fetch more joy to those who buy the puppy than they gave me for 8 short weeks is the best feeling in the world. 

I'm in the wrong job!  Accounting gives satisfaction.  Knowing that I am helping lay accounts, some very important ones, and that I am learning something new every day gives me a bit of a kick.  But to be able to bring happiness to others every day, or even once a week, would make my life more complete......

So, I'm on a mission, to clear some large bills over the next 5 or 6 years and then given the opportunity I may just switch careers.  Life is too short to not do something that you feel you were made to do.

Beautiful B, however, is one of the lucky few.  She knows, she just knows that she was made to be a nurse.  Moreover, I knew she was made to be a nurse and waited and waited until the day she came to me and told me that was what she wanted to do.  I can see the joy in her eyes when she is caring for others. She is one of the most empathetic people I know and I hope that she gets to reach for and meet her dreams because, I'll tell you something, she will make the lifes of those she nurses back to health, happy and she will care for them with love and empathy - she will give more of herself than a lot of others and for that, her life will feel more complete than ever.

She is my sunshine, my reason for breathing and although I may question some of the decisions I have made on her behalf in the past, some of them have helped shape her into the person she is today and she makes me feel incredibly proud to be called her mum. 

Wow, now that post went somewhere I wasn't expecting......

TTFN peeps.

The Future is Right in Front of Me

I don't take random photos of people as a matter of course.  Granted, I accept that some people on the bus yesterday morning may have thought me strange or some sort of stalker when I took this picture.  I didn't care though, I don't live in that city so I wasn't going to see them again.

As photos go, it's not the best and doesn't really potray what I saw.  I used to look like this, I really did, I promise.  In fact, when I took myself of to Disney in 1997 I was probably a little thinner and most certainly as fit as this woman.  Granted, part of the reason was because I knew that I would put weight on whilst over in sunny Orlando but still.....

I enjoy keeping fit, I really do. You wouldn't know to look at me at the moment, you could be forgiven for wondering if I spend my life eating all sweet things that children love. And I do......

In my defence, I spend my life working, sleeping, cleaning, running around after the family and studying.  It has been my life for the past 5 years.  There is no time to keep fit.  Something would have to give and that would either be family, cleaning or studying and all of them are very important to me.  Yes I know I am a freak because cleaning is in that list but hey those that know me love me.

I am almost finished with the study.  As well as having the world at my feet (as many keep telling me) I will have an abundance of time to get fit again. 

I have no willpower, or at the most very very little of it.  It comes and goes.  I love the gym, I really do.  If you saw me you wouldn't believe it but I do.  My problem is that I am an all or nothing kind of person.  I do all sorts of things with an all or nothing attitude. 

When I take myself off to the gym I say to Hubby "See you in an hour" and I wander on back at least 3 hours later with a great big grin on my face with endorphins rolling off me in waves.  All very good, I hear you say?  Well yes, but not when you are studying for accountancy as 3 hours at the gym seriously eats into that more than an hour does.  I am totally incapable of just going to the gym for an hour, I've tried but I spend all my time there thinking "Just 10 more minutes...."

Stupidly, if I go to the gym the healthy diet follows - something kicks into my brain telling me that what is the point of spending 3 hours in the gym if I am going to eat a Mars bar when I get home.  Try and do it the other way round?  Nope, doesn't happen.  I go to do the weekly shop and fetch all sorts of goodies home for Hubby and Beautiful B and then they call to me from the drawer or cupboards.  Can I resist them, well yes obviously but I am weak.

I am finished with the exams on the 10th of June.  Hubby and Beautiful B are prepared for me living in the gym for the next 6 months.  A close friend told me that was a bit silly as running machines cannot make comfy bed. 

The new cardio equipment at the gym have screens on them so you can watch TV or plug your iPod in. So yes, I have been looked at strangely in the past laughing in the corner at the one liners on some TV shows that I download onto the iPod and then watch while on the treadmill or bike.   I wonder if any of them have bad dreams after randomly walking past me while watching Supernatural.... It doesn't concern me, I am used to laughing at myself, I do it regularly.  Life is full of things to laugh and giggle at - my glass is always at least half full so yes people laugh along with me.

So, I will be off armed with a towel, water, iPod and a book and I will walk, run, cycle and lift my way to looking like the woman in the above picture within the next 6 months.  Will I post a picture of myself looking as fit as the woman above?  Probably not.  I have an aversion to cameras - I love taking photos of family but if anyone points a camera in my direction I run faster than I ever have on a treadmill.