21 years went by in a flash

So.....Beautiful B's 21st was yesterday but we have had 2 days of celebration and today is the first chance to post before we have another day of celebrations on Monday. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, initially I did not know what to feel. It was only 2 months after I finished contraception to try for a baby and I hadn't expected it to be so quick....you know, being 20 and naïve.  That soon changed though when I thought about how much love I was going to shower her with. And yes, I said boy because I only ever wanted a girl and if she had been born a boy I may have asked them to put her back. 

Beautiful B was incredibly easy to carry, at least until the heartburn started with a vengeance. I can thank Beautiful B for teaching me how to sleep sitting up as a result of the heartburn.  Thanks to worry that she may have a blockage in her oesophagus I was scanned monthly up to 32 weeks pregnant and had some lovely scan photos as a result. 

30 hours of pain and I had a baby girl, who clearly wondered what all the fuss was about and I was lucky enough to share the moment with her dad and my mum.  She defied so many expectations, needing baby rice at 4 weeks because she wasn't big enough for all the milk she needed, to being in 18month old clothes until she was 3 1/2 years old. 

Since then she has been so incredibly strong. Yes, she's had moments where I wondered if I could put up with another tantrum and she was more stubborn that me and her dad put together but we loved her for her independence and we couldn't have the best of both worlds. 

Like all of us Beautiful B has had her struggles but thanks to the help of some incredibly talented people she learned to cope with her feelings and to verbalise them in a grown up and adult way and she was able to see both sides of a discussion, something few people her age could. 

It helped her to deal with the loss of her father and 3 year old sister at the young age of 17, well as best she could and though she still struggles with missing them she can verbalise it and get the support she needs.  I felt guilty for not being able to help her through it better at the time but looking back I know I did all I can and Beautiful B would tell me she couldn't have gone through it without me. 

Beautiful B has had a lovely boyfriend for over 3 years who was amazingly supportive through the grieving process and he continues to support her in so many things. Secretly I hope they get married just not for a good few years and babies even later because hello I'm grey enough as it is! 

It hard to look at Beautiful B and know what she has gone through to make her who she is today and while I wish she hadn't had to go through all those things they have helped to shape her into an incredible young woman. Like all of us at her age, she doesn't know what career she wants to do for the rest of her life but whatever she eventually settles on I know that she will enrich it with her empathy, compassion, and love.

Beautiful B's ability to smile at the worst of times, and on those bad days gives others a reason to do the same; she is an example for us all to follow.  Yes, she has her bad days and like me she constantly doubts herself and her abilities and I wish I had a magic mirror that I could hold up to her so she could see what others see in her.  It's a pity that, for us women, that sort of confidence comes with age and so she is a few years off yet.  In the meantime, it's my role to remind her often.  

I look at Beautiful B and struggle to see how 21 years has gone by. It doesn't seem like 18 years ago she was toddling around with bright blonde pigtails and posing for photos with one hand behind her head, striking a model pose.  Or 18 years ago that she had us in stitches at Busch Gardens in Florida playing in the water fountains.  Or 16 years ago that her first ever uniform was the smallest size but still far too big for her and Nanny had to take in a tiny little school skirt so that it would fit. Or 5 years ago that she took our breath away in her school prom dress. 

I hope that I did what I set out to do and tell her often that I love her so much so that the times I did discipline her she still knew I worshipped her. In fact, I know she did because she tells me often that she knew and knows I love her so much and has thanked me for being strict with her, to have taught her respect and manners.  

I smile now, to see her in her own home, keeping it clean and although the constant reminding to be tidy and clean up after herself drove me mad when she lived her obviously was worthwhile. 

This last week we have both been on annual leave and have had the chance to spend time together on days out, stay home and watch films and laugh. One of the best things about Beautiful B having her own home is that there is no discipline now, just the laughter side of the relationship, the best parts; those that the relationship building over 21 years has achieved. 

Hubby and I cannot express just how much love and pride we feel for Beautiful B, for everything she has worked hard to achieve and for how incredibly strong she is to get through what she has. Somehow, Hubby, me and my mum and dad have managed to instill some wonderful values in her and I feel such love and pride every time someone tells me how lovely my daughter is. 

One day, she will make an amazing wife and mother. Just as much as she is a wonderful daughter. Never do I doubt her love for me because, just as I tell her often she also tells me how much she loves me. 

I know that I have struggled to articulate my love for her on this post but I do know that it is endless and will continue to grow. I used to think that I needed and wanted a successful career but you know what I worked out a couple of years ago?  That Beautiful B was my career, that my biggest goal in life was to fetch her up, her knowing that I loved her, to teach her to show love herself, for her to be a productive member of society and to forever strive to help her to become who she wants to be.  That became what is important to me.  No, it won't make me rich in monetary value and it doesn't pay the bills.  I do worry that she is a worrier and I blame myself for that and yet that is something we can work on together because becoming successful in that is better than any promotion I could get at work. 

My legacy will be Beautiful B and do you know what, if she didn't grow emotionally any more than she is at this exact moment in time I have achieved that legacy and I'm very very proud of that because she is beautiful, caring, loving, sweet, empathetic, gorgeous, respectful, giving, hard-working, and a proud young woman and has so much to give to society. While she may currently be questioning whether she wants to be a nurse all her life I know that whatever she decides on it will be something where she can give back to those who need help.  

 

So, to my Beautiful B, you are my world, always will be and you are my legacy.  Nothing else I ever achieve in my life will be better than what I have achieved with you. You are the best daughter I could ever wish for.  

With all my love and heart, until all the stars fall out of the sky. Xxxxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxxxx

3 days and counting

3 days and my baby is 21 years old. 21!! Still not sure where the time has gone. 

We had a lovely day in Bury on Saturday and today we are out with my Mum and Dad at somewhere called Bygone Times. 

It is like an indoor antiques market but it also has things collected from house sales so there are some good deals to be had. 

I love a good mooch around as long as it isn't clothes shopping; unfortunately my bank balance doesn't so today is likely to be window shopping. 

Beautiful B is an old soul in a young body and so also loves this sort of thing so is tagging along with the 'old folk'. 

This week is time to spend with my baby as she is on leave from work too. Tomorrow is a film day where we intend to watch all 3 Jurassic Park films in preparation for the new film released on the 11th. 

Thursday she is out with her Dad's family for her birthday which will be bitter sweet as her Dad won't be there. A huge cake has been bought. 

Friday is her actual 21st and thank goodness I reserved her cake for Monday when she is at mine for a family meal. It gives her chance to eat / share one cake before she gets another! Friday will be a day of visiting relatives. 

Saturday Beautiful B, being an old soul, didn't want a huge party. Instead she wants to visit York to go to the museum and the old prison. Sadly I can't be with her because Abi fluff is due to have babies that day so I am on birthing duty. 

Monday Beautiful B is at our house for a family meal. The birthday cake is far to big for the number coming but I figured she would want to share it with her Dads family, friends, nursing colleagues and her patients. Yes, I did order it before I knew her Dads family had also ordered her a huge cake and yes, I am either mad or too kind hearted to think about her work colleagues and patients. But hey ho,  who doesn't like cake?! 

Is it selfish of me to hope for this so called Spanish heatwave to hit the UK on the weekend and Monday so we can have a BBQ on the Monday?  Not least because Hubby can be responsible for making sure no-one is poisoned being the better cook of the two of us? 

Out in the world again

I am working away in 3 different cities that span the country this week and in typical fashion my preperation is running late.  Clothes are still being washed, packing isn't done, paperwork not completed or printed.  I still have a presentation to write so I know what I will be doing in the hotel room tonight before I sleep.  Rather than worry about the procastination maybe I should be energised by it instead and just organise myself better to get things completed.

 

This week has been a busy one; my Uncle has fallen and broken his hip so in hospital waiting patiently for an operation to pin his hip on Tuesday.  As Beautiful B works on the male orthopaedic ward she is one of the nurse looking after him and that will help him feel more comfortable; mind you the morphine appears to be doing that too.  Apparently all the nurses have been telling him how they will miss Beautiful B when she leaves to start her new job next week which is just lovely to hear.

 

And so to join in with last week this coming week will be very busy with a train journey to Sheffield tomorrow to work a day there; catching another train tomorrow night to go to Birmingham where I will work a day there and on Tuesday night catch another train to London to work a day there.  The final train will be my favourite as that is the one that will bring me home to Hubby and hopefully a visit from Beautiful B over the coming days.

 

There are 3 presentations to give this week and so further chances to improve my skills in that area.  Where possible I don't do the standing thing if I have a relatively small number of people in the group as I find that sitting with them while presenting provides a more friendly atmosphere for questions.  That has involved my groups running late as there have been so many more questions than I expected for a subject such as the one I discuss.

 

My only worry this week is that I am trying desperately to eat healthier and that is difficult when I am travelling and staying in unfamiliar hotels and surrounding areas.  I may just be a total pain in the butt and ask the hotel kitchens to make me something different than that which is on the menu to make sure I can at least be assured that unhealthy fats haven't gone into the dish.

 

Aren't they just going to love me?

 

What I learned this week

Firstly work gets in the way of blogging!

It has been another busy week of meeting myself coming backwards and one of those where you feel like you haven't really achieved anything - do you know what I mean?

I spent the weekend house and dog sitting for my brother and his fiance and as Mutley, their 16 week old chocolate lab was determined to get into all sorts of mischief I had to have eyes in the back of my head so I didn't get the accounts finished.  So that is this weeks job but after that they are done because the football club is closing down - it says a lot when I am not sorry to say 'YAY' to that news.



Do his eyes make him look a bit mad to you......?

It was fun to roll around the floor playing with Mutley though. He already has more strength than is to be believed - he is going to be a huge dog!

Anyway - lessons this week:

• Standing on an uneven surface at the refuse tip results in this:

Why do bad scrapes always sting more than a straight forward cut?

• Which looks like this the following day (excuse the flab):

Rocking some bingo wings there Ribena!

• So what is the lesson you say?  Don't fall in an area where your arm is going to go down this TINY gap scraping itself along these broken tiles, that shouldn't be there.

Really?  What is that stuff on the left centre of the photo just before the post?! OMG!

•  Mostly importantly; I am so lucky to have gotten away with only that injury and a stiff shoulder and
• when the injury isn't bad enough for the Accident and Emergency Department and the medical walk-in centres are rammed the best place to go to so that you can get cleaned up is your mums

So what other random lessons are there this week?

• Hubby is becoming far too used to me playing taxi to get him to and from work;
• I am too soft especially as said taxi service adds over an hour to my working day;
• SIMS 4 is addictive;
• Oh yes, SIMS 4 addiction means I haven't really grown up;
• There is approximately 99% less dog hair in the house now that the Fredster has moved out to look after his mummy, Beautiful B;
• I have more 'proper' conversations with Beautiful B now that she has moved out and misses me;
• I really enjoy not having to moan at Beautiful B for not completing her chores;
• I still haven't transformed her bedroom into my office but the sofa bed has arrived and it is scrummy;
• My hair apparently suits me more if it is curled - if only I knew how to do that myself instead of relying on a hairdresser;
• and I knew this already but being so busy means I miss catching up with my best friends!

So what did you guys learn this week?

 
Usual rules apply - see below. I would love to hear from you if you also leave comments on my blog.To join in Julie's What I Learned This Week carnival, simply follow these steps:

1. Any time this week, publish your What I Learned This Week post on your blog and comment on my blog hyper linking to your blog.

2. Then go and visit Julie’s blog at From Inmates to Playdates, find her latest “What I learned this week” and link up with the Mr. Linky form at the bottom of the post. Please put the link to your POST, not the front page of your blog.

3. Then visit the other participants and see what they learned this week.

 

'Ribena? Are you okay?'

I don't know why I insist on responding to Hubby with 'Yes, I am fine' each time he gets out of bed and comes to check on me after I wake up early on a morning.  He will always ask and I will always respond with the same thing.  It doesn't annoy me; after all he is just worrying because he loves me and I am more than eternally grateful for that, I just am amazed that he continues to ask 8 years down the line.  I may worry that his worrying is going to cause a heart attack but that will more than likely be caused by his refusal to eat all things bad for him and no greens.

I am on leave this week, all of it using up excess hours worked rather than annual leave which is great if we don't worry about me not having time to take all of my annual leave before the new leave year starts.  I can see a 3 week break over Christmas and New Year on the horizon.

Beautiful B has officially moved out even if all of her junk hasn't.  Her promise to come and take all of the junk to the recycling plant didn't happen yesterday as 'she had worked 2 long days and deserved a lie-in' and so she 'promises' it will be removed on Tuesday.  

'It's not like I need to use the cupboards or the spare room' was the convenient reason she found for me not to comment on her unfulfilled promise; little does she know that today a desk and shelf unit are being delivered.  She more than likely knows I have lots of things to fill her wardrobes up with but assumes that can wait which is proof alone that she doesn't know her mother all that well because I have things lined up to fill them.

My OCDishness is itching to get the spare room sorted, especially the wardrobes because I want to have a tidy space for everything instead of cramming everything as neatly as possible in ever more stuffed wardrobes in my bedroom.  Things such as the box that holds all the spare extension cables and light bulbs can go to the back of the cupboards in the spare room as they will be needed very rarely instead of being in the cupboard downstairs that I use daily.  This all makes perfect sense to me (and to Rachel) but not to Beautiful B.

My house feels tidier, my kitchen isn't randomly filled with dirty mugs and dishes that Beautiful B has brought downstairs after they have lived in her room for more than a day, the back garden is always clean (though Hubby would probably argue I do not need to go out there armed with a little plastic bag every time one of the dogs ventures outdoors - I disagree), the bathroom isn't constantly in use and I now have more clean towels than I can shake a stick at.

Having said that, you will note that I haven't mentioned that I am missing her.  Probably because I get a lump in my chest if I think about how I miss hearing the (too loud) TV from her room, her requests for lifts in the car to places, her constant moan that there is nothing to eat in the house...etc.

I cannot argue that I am enjoying the peace in a large way and that I enjoy her visits when she comes to pick up the Fredster after she finishes her shift at work and that I laugh inside at having to make her go home when she picks him up because she would chat with me for hours and then have to go home far too late at night to be walking home even armed with a big(ish) dog.

But the house is quiet and while I love that I also miss the noise if you know what I mean.

I am loving the house being tidy, nice and clean though - it sings to my heart every time I walk into a room.

And.....after a couple of days my dining room will be restored because the spare room will be spare no more and will become my office and maybe then I won't miss the noise of a (too loud) TV coming from that room.

Love you baba....til all the stars fall out of the sky xxx

To be sun or not to be sun

Today I am sat in bed (not a great visualisation I agree) listening to Hubby snore and not seeing sun stream through my windows.

I love the sun and although not good for my skin I love nothing more than to sit in it.  Earlier this week I even put my sun bed up but then couldn't soak up the sun because of the stupid Vertigo. Until yesterday afternoon when, after picking up Hubby from work, I decided to take a book and myself outside for an hour of peace and quiet.

Granted I fell asleep after about 10 minutes and it is a good job I waited until the sun was a little less hot because I may be rocking a mild pinkness with mostly brown this morning.  However, seen as I am back at work on Tuesday (unless the sick note I pick up today says more than 1 week) I can be safe in the knowledge that I sat in the sun for all of 4 hours of this mini heat wave we have had in the last 2 weeks before returning to work.

And I say that because the sun does not, at this time, look to be making much of an appearance today and that is a good thing because I want to do some jobs before I return to work.  

So far, I am rather proud of myself because despite vertigo these last two days I have managed to:

- Hoover the bedroom, stairs and landing (a good job because neither Hubby nor Beautiful B have noticed that Fredster has been shedding his dog hair at a rate of half a body a day on them)

- swept up the Fredster fur balls from the edges of every room where we have wooden floors and from the bottoms of table legs (a good job because Beautiful B, whose job it is to sweep up twice a week, is  incapable of doing the job to the degree I need her to)

- put kitchen electric products in cupboards to make more counter space for cooking (I say that like it was easy but as our kitchen, and therefore cupboard space, is too small to swing a cat in I had to become a master at Tetris to make them fit)

- cleaned the inside windows on the patio door and in the kitchen (climbing like a monkey on base cupboards to reach) and the inside and outside windows of the front door.  

The latter job seems obvious (okay, as do them all) but when Hubby found out I had done them his reaction was 'why?' Which shows that both he and Beautiful B obviously think that fairies come out at night and clean the inside of the windows because neither of them have ever thought to do it.  

I won't tell you that after emptying rubbish into the outside bins I had to buff the front door windows again because the sun shone on the smudges I had left and it was driving me crazy - okay I just did.  Or that some time today if the sun shines the right way through the patio doors I will do the same thing if I created smudges on them when buffing them yesterday.

One of today's jobs will be to weigh Fredster's 14kg bag of dog food into individual 250g bags.  Not doing so will mean that he will almost double his weight in 2 weeks because Hubby and Beautiful B think they are feeding a tiger or something and almost overflow his food bowl.  And at £84 a bag for the specialist kidney protecting food they will also have a good run at trying to bankrupt me in that time too....

Our replacement mattress arrives today. We have only had this one 2 months and no we did not cause the springs to collapse by doing anything like jumping up and down on it like children do.  We are returning to a double mattress instead of a king as I am convinced that putting it on a double frame caused some of the damage despite what the salesperson assured me. 

I know I have been married for less than 2 years but I have quite enjoyed the extra space a king size provides especially during those times where Hubby has decided to sleep like a newborn baby and not smacked me in the head with his hand as he throws it over his head.  Nor does Cala dog stretch in her sleep and dig her feet in my back as she has more space - until tonight - honestly it's worse than having babies! 

Beautiful B is on leave from work today so that will be her trying to hog the washing machine and dryer all day because she will have stored a whole weeks washing and daily towels for one mammoth washing session.  And on that note I'm off to put some washing in while she is still snoring softly in her bed before I find a foghorn to wake the still sleeping Husband. 

Have a great day everyone.  

UPDATE

Having just ventured from the bedroom my heart sank as I saw the sun through the bathroom window. Which means I am going to have to find some willpower from somewhere to make me sit down and do my jobs.

I've been in the kitchen and there are streaks on my windows!  Streaks!  Which means more mountain climbing on cupboards to be rid of them. They are already grating on my nerves.  Someone needs to invent artificial sunlight that a woman can put near her windows to see the streaks as they are forming! Someone, anyone?  

What to do with a spare room

My last news about my little Beautiful B (in 'Why, hello there!' ) was that she asked for a car for her birthday and was more likely to get money towards driving lessons.  Well now that has changed.

Next week I get a break away from my child.  Having had a difficult few months she decided to go on holiday.  To Corfu. With her boyfriend. It will be June and therefore just short of boiling but now she is older I should try not to worry about her ability to realise she might need a stronger sun lotion.  

Long gone are the days where I can decide to just book myself a holiday; in fact I had about 6 months of being able to decide that before I decided to do the grown up thing and move in with my boyfriend, buy a house and have a family.  Beautiful B should use that ability to it's full advantage.  

I love my little Beautiful B to bits and wouldn't change her for the world but it would have been nice to be able to do that for a while longer than I did.  But then we all want to grow up so fast when we are kids, don't we?

Despite being able to see the advantages of being able to spend the money (and obviously save a bit) before she settles down she and Ry are thinking about moving in together at the beginning of next year.  I am not worried about their relationship because they are so strong and will have been together for 3 years by then but I think they are going to be shocked at the bills to pay.  But...it didn't stop me and if I have learned anything it is that kids don't listen and then you get to 40 and find yourself saying to your mum 'you were right' because you had done exactly the same thing.  That is young love for you.....

So, I will be childless except when she comes round asking for money, or to play with the dogs, or to have her tea cooked.  And I will have a spare room.  Now what to do with it.  I found myself thinking about this yesterday when I was day-dreaming.

Obviously I need a room that guests can sleep in; no more having to go home overnight Rachel but as that will not be overly often I thought it might be nice to get a fold up bed - one of them in a big comfy couch.  I could put a TV in there and take myself upstairs to watch TV and leave the TV downstairs for Hubby and his sport.  I could remove the TV from our bedroom because he lives up there at this time of year (I am almost sure there are only 2 hours in every 24 when sport is not on.....).

I could put the games station up there and the computer (though that would necessitate a new wireless computer) and it could become a games room - well it would if I didn't put my office up there which would make sense as it is in the dining room at the moment.

And the extra wardrobe space....let's not forget about that as my 12.5foot wardrobes which are from floor to ceiling are just not enough!  And the additional storage I had built into the back, lets not forget about that! I could have shelves put in that roll out so that I could choose much easier which pair of shoes to wear.....

mmmmmmm, in reality none of that is going to happen because this year's funds are already ear-marked so the most that can happen is the office moves upstairs, the rocking chair also and so it will become my readiing room while we save for a guest couch/bed.

Ooooookkkkk, so I disappeared on my lunch and spent a bit of time on pinterest looking for spare room ideas and so far:

It's a small room so putting the bed away is tempting.....

See the nice comfy couch?!  I can see myself curled up watching Criminal Minds

Would need a comfier chair.....

But then I got carried away and thought about the space under our stairs which currently has my lounge chair in it.  The room is big enough to section that off and here would go a lovely little snuggly office.















And then I saw this!!!!!

Two different positions to lie down 

Now I have an attic space that houses nothing except an empty obsolete water tank, a spare suitcase and about 20 boxes of Christmas decorations.  So this would be ideal!  The Christmas decorations could be stored in the space under the eaves and voila - my own home cinema! 

And so you see, this is obviously what parents start dreaming about when children are thinking of flying the nest......not that I won't miss her; it will be much quieter for a start because the child needs hearing aids if her TV volume is anything to go by - of course I will, so maybe what I am doing is distracting myself.....

Dozy moments

If there is one thing that I have managed to pass onto my daughter it is my ability to say dozy things before I have engaged my brain and thought about it.

Latest examples of my genes being passed to my Beautiful B:

R:     Just received a text from my aunty.  She says she just saw a mouse run across the room so she is going to get a cat.

BB:  What is a cat going to do?!

After doing a 12 mile bike ride in training for a 60 mile bike challenge:

BB:  My bum feels heavy.

Me:  So your bum muscles don't feel tight then, just heavy?

Watching a quiz show on TV with a question about Opera:

BB:  Is Opera it's own language?

No response, just laughing with her.

I love my Beautiful B so much.  She is so cute and comments such as this aren't because she isn't clever, just that she is dizzy and doesn't think before asking a question.  Having said that I can't tell what Operatic singers are saying and as I don't listen to that kind of music she would never have had the opportunity to discover that they sing in all languages.

Similarly we have dogs not cats and I have obviously neglected to tell her a lot when she was growing up including how cats chase mice (and birds) and leave them as presents on the doorstop for you (don't they Rachel...).

She is obviously in a world of her own and our latest conversation proves it!  Beautiful B is 20 years old next month and yes, I have absolutely no idea where the last 20 years have gone.  Her boyfriend has finally been sensible and instead of buying used cars from an auctioneer he has decided to buy a brand new car, to which Beautiful B and I breathed a sigh of relief after the last one set itself on fire. 

His purchase of a vehicle has, however, prompted Beautiful B to decide to take up her driving lessons again which she put on hold last year.  She came in the room I work in this morning and told me she was going to book driving lessons and had a question about her birthday present.

I am expecting a request of money to put towards some driving lessons for her and thinking to myself about whether to tell her we had intended to buy her something different.  Different being a pair of proper cycling shorts, amongst other bike related things, so her bum does not get heavy so quickly.

Instead I was asked for a car!  Makes sense now that her boyfriend has bought one; after all, his will be on finance but will cost him less each month than a procession of old and knackered cars constantly requiring mechanical help.  Luckily he has gone for a small economical car so I don't have to worry about any drag racing. And of course, if he has one then Beautiful B will obviously start thinking how great it would be to have a little run around.

Today's kids seem to want everything immediately don't they?

So I told her no!  Asked her how much she thought we earned and whether she thought I would be driving round in a 6 year old car if I could afford a new one.  To which her response was that an old one would be fine.  I know this was tongue in cheek and she knew the answer before she asked the question but then she is a trier!

After 'negotiation' I have offered to discuss with Hubby whether we should contribute to driving lessons instead of buying her bicycle equipment that will help her training.  With a not so gentle reminder that as children get older the amount spent on them for Christmas and Birthdays reduces.

Or is it just my family that doesn't spend most of their savings on their children when they get older unless it is a 'special' birthday such as a 21st or 40th? 



...and I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down

Living in little 'ole England we don't suffer hurricanes and tornadoes and consider ourselves very lucky.  We had what some USA citizens may consider a slight breeze a month or so ago with winds of up to 80mph.  Living on the coast the town I live in was at risk of suffering worse than some.  We got away lightly for all intents and purposes.  

Nevertheless, Hubby decided that while having a new front gate made, which had needed a replacement for nearly a year, he wanted the fence panels in the back garden strengthened.  Now, I laughed and scoffed at this idea. After all, the fence panels between us and our neighbour to the right were strong and although nearly 10 years old they stood all sorts of weather.  The fence panels to the left of the garden were bought last year and while they rattled and sang all sorts of songs in the wind and while that scared the hell out of Fredster dog they were at little risk of breaking.

Nevertheless, I let Hubby have them reinforced and stupidly, have sat in the chair in the last month and kind of missed the rattle, moan and song of the fences.  

This week we had an amber alert for wind.  I ignored it; after all last months same warning only caused my then, un-reinforced fence panels to sing even louder.  As the days went on the warnings were increasing and on Tuesday our area was given a red alert.  Watching the weather the swirl of the cloud was right over our part of the country.

Now, Beautiful B who spends her spare time between a full time job, 3 days of college and her almost constant writing of assignments and research watching the news had somehow missed all of these warnings because as I sat in my cross-stitching chair opposite the patio door yesterday morning while settling down to watch the Olympics I noticed that her bike had disappeared.

Really, on the one day that the weather was going to get severe from lunch time she decides to ride her bike instead of get a taxi?!  So all sorts of texts were sent from a very concerned mum to her daughter insisting that she leave her bike at work and get a taxi home.  After all, I still wasn't convinced that the winds were going to be 'all that' but still a little gust of wind could blow my very talented and beautiful child into the path of an oncoming car.  

Feeling much more settled when I received a text confirmed a taxi would be used I settled down to the Olympics and as the day went on watched the tree in a neighbours garden slowly start to move, increasing it's movement by the hour.

When I ventured outside mid-afternoon to put some recycling in the bins the wind decided it wanted to help my keep the bin lid open.  

Texts were received from Hubby telling me to drive carefully to Angel's house that night and texts from Angels telling me to be extra careful.  I ventured out to the car and even at my weight I had to fight the wind to the car and I sat in the car at traffic lights while the wind buffeted the car from left to right watching the street lights sway quickly in the wind.  I saw telephone cables struggling to stay attached and when I reached Angels the wind helped me to close the car door.

Angel and I sat in her house listening to the wind while she told me all about her surprise trip to San Francisco for her Hubby's 40th birthday and periodically she told me she didn't like wind because it is the one weather phenomenon that can cause serious damage.  I reminded her that she doesn't like thunder and lightening and lightening can cause serious damage too.  We laughed at how she can forget that when in the middle of another type of storm.

Buses and trams were stopped, roads were closed, news of garage roofs sitting in the middle of a road just around the corner from my house reminded me just how my house may be affected.  Illuminations were down, the promenade was closed, siding from businesses on the promenade were being blown away.  Truly, the red alert warned of exactly what it predicted.

This morning the wind is still high but not as severe as last night.  Buses and trams are running again, though slower than normal I noticed when taking Hubby to work. Roads are closed, workmen are up and down the promenade assessing the damage to the illuminations and making it safe for cars.  Work has begun to move felled trees and building parts to open roads as soon as possible.

Our damage?  The patio table cover has blown off despite being held down by huge sealed packets of Fredsters food.  That is it.  What of the fence panels? - not one of them moved last night.  While the wind blew all around us those fence panels held strong.  Hubby was right.

I shall scoff no more.

On my travels

Today will be my first day away from home this week.  Initially it was a one day meeting in Sheffield and then I suddenly realised that I had a Continuing Professional Development training course in Leeds the following day - I may or may not have only remembered because I was sent an agenda.   

Journeys to both cities can be done in a day.  For example; a 5.39am train to Sheffield will get me into the Sheffield office by 8.45 and I can do a full days work before catching a train just before 5pm to get me back in my house by 8.30pm.  Leed is a similar journey.  Except that doesn't make a whole lot of sense when I can get from Sheffield to Leeds in 45 minutes.

With permission from my manager I have booked myself into a hotel near the station and very close to Leeds town centre.  I do get there too late for most of the shops which my bank account is silently thankful for but it does mean that I have enough time to grab some dinner and see a film at the cinema.

Beautiful B thinks I am crazy for being quite happy to go to the cinema on my own.  I've never had a problem with it; probably gained when I was 12 years old when having to see Dirty Dancing 10 times on my own after my friends got fed up of wanting to see it after the second time. 

I am currently undecided between Delivery Man (a comedy about a man who is dad to 533 kids thanks to making a bit of extra money donating sperm when he was younger) and Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom because even I can be serious every now and then.  I grew through my teenage year just as Mandela was released from prison and I think it is important to better understand one of the men that changed our history.

I am saving 12 Years a Slave until next week as I am seeing that with Angel.  Again, I think it is important to realise just what people had to go through not so long ago so that we can continue to be grateful for what we have.  Of course, now that it won a Golden Globe or two it is topped for Oscar awards and so it is bound to be a moving film.

I listen to a lot of mums at work who desperately miss their children when they work away from home.  While I can see where they are coming from, even when Beautiful B was younger, I relish my time in a hotel room up to a point.  I do try to look for the best in every situation so I relish the no cooking, no cleaning and ability to concentrate on me when I am away rather than how much I miss my daughter and hubby.  It is only if I am away for 3-4 nights that I begin to pine for them.  

My only issue is that I am good at enjoying it too much and often find myself wide awake at 1am and then I am exhausted by the end of the following day.  That and the fact that I always seem to come back and have a lot of washing and cleaning to do because Beautiful B and Hubby aren't quite a clean freak nutty as I am.

This time I will try and be sensible and go straight to bed when I return from the cinema; here's hoping I don't lie awake until silly o'clock reading.

4 out of 5 ain't bad - University Applications

I am sure that is a line in a song....it's going to bug me until I remember.

In the land before time when Beautiful B was in her first year at primary school I received her first school report and could not make sense of the grading system.  Granted it would have helped had they provided some instructions but nonetheless I made an appointment to see the headmaster to have the report explained to me.

While the report said that little Beautiful B tried her hardest the headmaster explained that although in her first year of school she was officially 18 months behind where she should have been at.  Having been a pupil at that school many moons before this teacher knew that I have qualifications coming out of my wazoo (though mum maintains I have more grades than you can shake a stick at and no common sense and she would be right) so spent the next 10 minutes trying to counsel me in accepting that Beautiful B would never achieve the same grades I did.

Thanks to me and my bright ideas before she was born Beautiful B did not have the best of starts in her little life (and by little I mean in 18 month old clothes until she was over 4 years old) and her home life was not stable at all.  By the time she was 22 months old we were back living with mum and dad after my marriage broke to her dad broke down in a most awful way.  I believed that she should not be defined by any of that.  

The headteacher went on to explain that his young daughter had been born with Down's Syndrome and that he had to accept that his daughter would never become what he wished for her.  I asked if he was telling me that Beautiful B had a defined learning issue and he said no, to which I replied that no-one should be defined by titles, conditions, or a bad start in life.  Beautiful B was removed from that school the following week and placed in a school who had a development programme set up for her based on her report before they even met her.  That programme was redefined and developed throughout her school life.

I am not saying that Beautiful B didn't struggle, she did and things got much worse in her life as she grew up, good and bad times came in waves and she had to navigate those waters with me and throughout it all I only ever asked for her best, for 100% effort, regardless of what the results were.  Qualifications would have been a blessing but as long as she gave me 100% effort the grades were secondary.  She gave me effort, by the bucket load.  I spent hours reading to her as my love of books as a young child contributed to my reading skills, I sat with her while she struggled with maths because I am not great at it yet I am an accountant, we pored over biology books and watched heart operations etc on the television.  I tried to instill a thirst for knowledge and a love of learning.

Beautiful B's grades improved as she grew older but they weren't great and yes, for them to be better would have been beneficial but regardless of the grades she grew up to put maximum effort into what she did, to care about how she presented herself, to have a great work ethic and so on.  During her early teenage years she had a particulary hairy time and as happens with some children her effort waned at school; that I wasn't happy with and we had some rows that lifted the roof off the house as a result.

Then Beautiful B's dad had babies, babies born with a genetic condition that required so much support and that would continue to impact them throughout their lives.  She had already been volunteering at an autistic charity and as a result of all of this she decided she wanted to be a nurse; to help those like her sisters and those she helped at the charity and to give back to the hospital that fought to save the lives of her sisters.  That decision turned Beautiful B's life around because coupled with the need for effort and the work ethic I had instilled in her since young she was given focus; a focus that so many children her age did not have, a career path that she was so very sure about.

Beautiful B took her last school report and compared her current grades with those she needed to be a nurse, she sat with the careers officer to discuss the best college courses to attend and then visited each of her teachers.  She discussed the gap between current and required grades with every teacher and asked how she could improve those grades by the time she sat her exams.  Peeps, my Beautiful B spent 3-4 nights a week at school with her teachers taking extra lessons, she brought home extra homework and she studied so very hard.  In 6 months she was exceeding the grades required in almost every subject.  She had a determination that exceeded even mine at her age.

On the last parent's evening before she sat her exams every single teacher sang her praises.  Every one of them said they were motivated by her determination to succeed and to break down the barriers to her success and everyone of them said they were happy to provide the additional help because she was so focused.  At least one of them made me cry because of the wonderful things they said about her (at which point Beautiful B said I embarrassed her).  The best part was when one teacher looked at me and said "...but you know this already don't you Mrs Beautiful B's mum."  I nodded, they weren't telling me anything I didn't already know but the recognition for Beautiful B meant the world to me.

Beautiful B went onto college, choosing to take a course that gave her 3 days on-the-job learning as well as college based study.  When the government changed goalposts for her chosen career adding years to qualification she shouted and cried at the unfairness of it all but carried on regardless.  When applying for her first official (non-college related) job at the hospital 2 wards fought over having her on their staff.

Never in my wildest dreams, since that first meeting with the headteacher did I ever think my Beautiful B had a chance of going to university.  Even when she gained the career focus I watched her struggle to pull up those grades and still thought she may not make it because to this date she struggles with maths.  My daughter's role on this earth is to care for people, to nurse them back to health or during their final hours and her work ethic and empathy make her a wonderful health care assistant.  The struggles she has endured throughout her childhood and recently through the birth of her sisters and the death of one of her sisters and dad has provided her with the much needed empathy that a lot of our nurses do not have because it cannot be taught.  Still she needed the maths to become a qualified nurse.

Peeps, she has been studying an additional 2 years due to the government changing rules for nurse qualifications but during that time she has gained the required maths qualification.  Beautiful B applied for 5 universities and there cannot be a prouder mum.

She heard from the last of those 5 universities yesterday.  She has been accepted for interview at 4.  She doesn't have the highest level of credits for a university place but she does have the technical experience, the life experience and the tenacity and determination to suceed at her goal.  Now she just has to convince them of it.

The only reason I will be disappointed if she isn't accepted into university is that she will be distraught because it is her life goal.  It is what she was born to be and what she so desperately wants.  Regardless, to me she will always be the little girl who someone said would never be capable of doing what I wanted for her, the child that they had already given up on and the child that I knew would prove them wrong.  She is the child who will, once again, shout and scream at the world but then pick herself up and try again until she succeeds.

I know I am her mum and am therefore conditioned to say this but something tells me that she will be accepted, that they will see what so many see in her; her determination to succeed, the ability to gain the qualifications she needed during the time she lost her dad and sister within 4 days of each other using that experience to drive her even more; the empathy needed for such a fundamental role in our societies and the support system needed to study harder than many in her class will need to in order to achieve the same grades.  

Regardless of the outcome, Beautiful B does and always will make me the proudest mum in the world.  

 

 

Does westernised exhaustion exist?

shattered.com

 

If there is, I have it!  It is the end of my first full week of work and I am so tired I have been awake 2 hours and could happily go back to bed and sleep for another 5.  I am so tired I am yearning for Saturday to arrive so that I can go back to bed for a couple of hours after taking mum-in-law shopping at 8am.

The house needs cleaning and the closest to getting the house back to normal now the Christmas decorations are down (booooo, hiss) is basically taking them down because none of the normal trinkets and ornaments are back in their usual places.  For once, I am too tired to care.  

Like a true office person I am maintaining that brain power is more hard work than physical labour though if I had to test that theory I would probably die for real or spend my time wishing I was.

Strange, the gas fire has just turned itself off.  Now it either has a fail safe on it that I haven't known about for the past 9 years or we have a ghost.....I had a moment of panic that it was broken, I have to admit.  After all, it is what keeps me warm when working from home without the need to heat the whole house.  It seems to be switching back on so I can breathe a huge sigh of relief; the credit card lives to see another day.

Hmmm, now that woke me up a little bit.  The thought of being cold, yep that did it.  Not quite sure what the fluff bags would have done either because they have taken to lying on their beds in the office/dining room now all snuggled up near the fire in one big puppy pile. 

I have managed to book Hubby and I into a visit with K and M tonight.  I have already had a night at the cinema with A (the new Paranormal Activity film - don't bother) and an evening with Angel (with a bit of Beautiful B thrown in for good measure who turned up carol singing at A's house during the evening - yes, it is January) in the past 2 evenings.  It's only my bright spark that can arrange 3 visits on consecutive nights and then decide it may not have been the brightest of ideas on the first week back at work.

Maybe I am unwittingly trying to book myself early retirement on health grounds because I may well just give myself an early heart attack at this rate. I also volunteered to taxi Beautiful B around today too - glutton for punishment!

As an aside while searching the web for today's caption competition with the search word "exhaustion", I came across one that had a picture of a yawning baby that said "Anyone whoever said that they slept like a baby has obviously never had one" - now that's the truth.  That and random photos of Demi Moore, looking as unexhausted as she can so that appeared quite random.  There may well be a perfectly reasonable explanation; I just don't know it.  Answers on a postcard....

Have a great weekend everyone.

Bring your kid to work day

I found this on the web the other day and it made me laugh. Okay, I admit it isn't that funny, but it did remind me of the time I took my daughter to work day.

Beautiful B was no more than 10 years old and as I work for the government she was issued with a visitors pass on arrival that made her feel rather important. As she is a shrimpet the visitors pass was almost as big as her.

She spent the morning wandering around the site with other children to be shown the wide range of work that we did at our site.  At the time I worked in procurement so I guess it was interesting to discover that people did work that was different to mummy's.  I'm not sure that the visit to the team that manage the pool cars was all that interesting especially as they didn't let them sit in the cars and pretend to drive them.

Anyhoo, she arrived with me at lunch time and my job was to show her what work I did.  Beautiful B was spoilt by my team being provided with sweets.  Mind you, I had forwarned them that she was not to be given Smarties or Opal Fruits (Starburst) as they send her loopy.  Visions of the last visit to work when she was 4 years old and given Opal Fruits by a work colleague resulting in her pretending to talk to her dad on the phone when she ended the conversation by telling him to f**k off preyed on my mind.  (Disclaimer: I did not swear in front of my child, that would be her dad's friends fault).

Back to the current child at work day.  She sat at my desk and I showed her what we did after she rooted around in my drawer for more sweets (she knows me too well).  She was fascinated that we did most of our work on the computer and amazed that we could go on them for more than an hour a day.  After all, children had to take turns at school or so she told me.  

That day Beautiful B was introduced to email. Fascinated that you could email people you knew she wanted a list of who my friends were at work and then proceeded to 'practice' sending an email to them to say 'hello'.

Suffice to say I didn't get any work done that day and what was her conclusion at the end of the day? Apparently it must be great to get paid to email your friends all day long........

I don't think she grasped the work concept that day, do you?

Mmmmmm, what to buy with my Christmas money.....?

I'm not the easiest person to buy for.  If you ask me what I would like my response would be 'nothing'.  Because I have everything I could want at home; ignoring the debt - a win on the lottery would be nice to clear my debts and mortgage but other than that I have a fantastic husband, a beautiful daughter, brilliant woofs and the greatest friends (shout out to Angel, Rachel, Kirst and Amanda...).  So yes, these days I find it difficult to say that I want anything.

Okay, you can buy me shoes because I love those and Beautiful B and Ry did just that on my 40th....

You can buy me perfume (Kenzo's Flower is my favourite) but I currently have 3 bottles.

and you can buy me pocket dragons....

These little rascals were collection pieces when I was in my late teens and early 20's.  By the time I moved in with Beautiful B's dad I had about 50 of them but after being burgled I was left with 6.  That hurt and I didn't start collecting them again until recently.  Now they are unavailable in shops and that is where Ebay is brilliant!

You see everyone is selling them now but I am still a child and they make me smile because they are so cute and I guess they take me back to a time when I didn't have bills and a mortgage to think about. 

So, as even I have no idea what I wanted for Christmas my family members gave me money and as a result, these babies have been ordered today.....

'Scribbles'

The first two are limited edition sets and I didn't partciularly buy them because they are limited sets but because it meant I got 6 dragons for a much cheaper price than buying them separately.  Admittedly they aren't everyones cup of tea but I don't care.....

I also collect Tusker's Elephants and any giraffe's so I don't discriminate.  If the post man arrives on a day I am working I can see there being a random break in my work day while I make room for them in my display cabinet.  

I am sure Hubby won't mind if his snooker tropies are put somewhere else.