Painting Conversations

While a but bored painting fences last week I started an email trail with Hubby who was working hard at his proper job (as opposed to the unpaid one which is keeping me safe and himself sane) before he received my first email.... 

Dear Mr Hubby, 

I think it only fair to give you sufficient warning.......

It is unlikely that all the fence panels will be finished today because it has taken me until 12.40pm to paint 4 1/2 panels and at this rate (including the estimated time to paint the concreate panels and posts cream) I expect it will take me a full 2 days, possibly more, could be 4 days depending on how bored I get.

Because it is boring I sometimes find myself thinking that fence painting is really a mans job but seen as you are working so hard 6 days a week so I can buy pretty flowery things for the garden it is the least that I can do.

I will forgoe cleaning the house and ignore all the bits of freddy fluff and bits of new carpet that are lying about in order to see if putting this years coat of wood protector makes it look any different than it did when I started - though the bits that had no paint on them now do but that might be because they are still wet.

You will be much relieved to know that I took 30 minutes this morning after engaging the miniscule part of my brain that stores common sense to cover the very expensive indian stone paving with rubbish bags (empty of course) and masking tape before I started painting.  I knew it was a good idea when I realised that I needed to wash my glasses and remove the paint splatter from them.  At the same time I thanked my lucky stars I had not inserted contact lenses this morning because I am not convinced I could drive myself to Accident and Emergency with only one working eyeball.

You will be less happy to know that I have not 'creamed myself up' (as you so eloquently put it) with suncream this morning for a number of reasons:

1.  it is cloudy with only a bit of sun

2.  it is getting cloudier (and woe betides the individual responsible for any rain later today)

3.  I am facing away from any sun so the only thing likely to get tanned are the back of my arms, which quite frankly, could do with some colour

4.  I am coated in that much paint I suspect it is doing a better job than the sun cream would.

Now turning to the less interesting stuff:

1.  Did you get back in contact with the man about the chair and microwave?

2.  Have you let C (my brother) know that we will indeed be at his house on Saturday at around 4.15pm?

3.  Have you rang mum and told her that I will collect her at 8am on Saturday to take her shopping?

and finally, I love you, until all of the stars fall out of the sky.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Realising that he was going to have to respond to have any hope of eventually being left alone to earn his salary, Hubby replied with:

No wonder its taking you so long to paint the fence because:

a: you're emailing me, and;

b: you're getting more on yourself than you are the fence panels!!

re the less interesting stuff:

a: not yet haven't seen him but am on it!!! (he is still on it....)

b: change of plan as only just found out no overtime this weekend

c: phoned mum last night (IN FRONT OF YOU!!!) (oopsie, there goes my memory again!) to tell her re shopping.  lol

 

have a thought around that now though as overtime is off, will discuss with you later

 

loves u too

 

xxxxxxxxx

 

As you can see he is a man of far  less words than I! 

Naturally I replied (because we women like the last word) ....with this:

I have far too much to do to waste time thinking about days which are a day away. As for wasting time emailing you I am sure they say that communication is the secret of a fantastic marriage. 

Xxxx

Hubby already bored with my twittering replied very simply with: 

What's for dinner?

xxxxxx

Thinking 'this man is cruising for a brusing, I replied rather quickly with:

Tea is whatever you are making. 

 

K had a thought. (It took a while, I was now responding to his previous request for me to have a think about the weekend plans) Turns out I can multi task at home as well as work. We will take mum shopping Sat afternoon and them go to C's after that. 

 

Oh and seen as you are no longer working overtime this weekend there is a paintbrush with your name on it when you get home 

 

Told u I loved you! Xxx

I could tell he was on the ropes with the next response:

Thought I binned that personalised paintbrush??????

 

What is there for me to make dinner with?

 

xxxxxx

 

Thinking that he had received and understood my desire for him to help me paint fence panels my response went like this: 

No I have not binned said paintbrushes. Or you may have done and I have ordered you a brand new set personalised with "Mr Hubby - Ribena's world and handyman when she had undertaken a job too big for herself". As you can tell they are big ass brushes! 

As for dinner, no idea, I am sure you will find something with which to work your magic xxxx

Hubby clearly thinking about his bike ride home in 26 degrees of heat simply said:

Chinese or 5 star (kebab takeaway) ?

 

xxxxx

My response told him I knew him well by now: 

Now I knew you were going to say takeaway!  It is getting sunnier and hotter so it is probably the best thing to do especially if you are going to help me in the garden after tea.  I say say 5 star because I fancy a chicken kebab.  I need to use up all these extra calories I have burned today!  I mean it must be 100s I have burnt. 

Of course this conversation spanned over 2 hours because I was painting fences and Hubby was attempting to get work done despite my interruptions and the sun had finally decided to show her face permanently. 

So what was the outcome?  Chicken Kebab and I resumed painting fences on my own as the bike ride home had nearly killed my husband. 

The morals of this long winded tail of a loving conversation between Hubby and wife?  

1. Tell your husband what you want him to make for tea; do not give him choices! 

2.  Despite hinting and finally telling him you wanted him to help you in the garden, if he hates DIY the likelihood of it happening are about 2% at best without the use of physical or mental torture! 

Why C and I love each other so much

One of the reasons we get on so well is that we are entertained by the simplest of things. He thinks I am a complete nutter but he loves that about me; he loves the way I see things, almost childlike and the way I relish the little things in life.

When in Centerparcs we had a chalet that backed onto the forest, no-one over-looked us and it was perfect for BBQ's.  During the first day there we heard strange noises and soon along came a pheasant.

Are these endangered?  I really don't know; I should google it....but I won't.  Turns out the pheasant was following a female pheasant - what are they called?  Peahens rings a bell but it is likely the wrong bell.

That male pheasant stalked the female for 4 days!  If I was a male pheasant I wouldn't bother!  Seems far too much like hard work.  Regardless, I spent most of the weekend when in the chalet and not drinking stood at the patio doors watching the pheasant who, to be honest, seemed to be wasting his time as the female pheasant just seemed to be ignoring him completely.  I have to admit that I do love the idea of the female having all the control.

So how does this particular story show how C and I are alike - well, I will demonstrate.  C was almost as obsessed with the pheasants and the first morning we woke up there I found him at the patio doors having a cigarette and watching the pheasants who had found a man made den made from the lower branches of the trees to provide some shelter.  Why were they in the den (separately of course because the female still had all the power in this would be relationship)?  Well, because C had been there earlier in the morning laying bits of pork pie down for them! Granted, I may have used bread but you get the idea.  If pheasants aren't carnivores these ones certainly were now.....

The next day C found me at the patio doors enticing a pigeon with bread because I am entertained by the smallest of things. I know they are greedy little things but I was quite impressed with myself for getting it so close to me but I have no idea why considering pigeons that live in London will sit on your hand for food.

And lets not forget the ducks because they were really friendly or maybe they were just hungry or greedy and really could care less what we were doing as long as it meant we were feeding them. C and I were trying to entice a duck into the chalet as you can see from this photograph but then we decided it might be difficult to get it back out of the chalet and Hubby would likely have a heart attack.

And lets not forget C loves me for my caring side.  On our travels to the pancake house we saw this little bunny wabbit.  Though you cannot see it in the photograph this little mite was smaller than my hand and scared to death.  You could touch it and it would not move.  A and I were so upset we insisted on going to customer services to get the rangers out to rescue it before it died of stress.  As much as I love pancakes little scared bunny wabbits come first.

So there you have it, C loves life as much as I do.  There is good in everything as far as he is concerned and he loves to the fullest and is not afraid to show his feelings.  Sometimes there is nothing better than going to your brother and being enveloped in a great big bear hug knowing that he loves you for the person you are and wouldn't change you for the world. He even puts up with the aliens in my head.



Why you should never eat red hot chillis

My brother loves his chillis....because he is a masochist.  Okay, he isn't really but you get the idea.

I'm not sure you should be this excited!

As far as he is concerned the hotter the better.  His dad being a chef he knows how to cook and apparently makes some mean prawns with garlic and chilli but I only have that on Hubby's authority as I do not like prawns - I like seafood but only if it looks and tastes like a fish.  Anyhoo, he doesn't make them as hot when Hubby is eating them and still Hubby's mouth burns for a loooonnnnggg time.

While in Centerparcs we went out for a gorgeous meal for Hubby's birthday.  C ordered hot wings.....he loves hot wings, the hotter the better.  So when he ordered them he asked if he could have them hot and I said to the waitress "Hot, hot, hot!"

Hubby ordered prawns in some kind of coating and hotish dip and the 'brothers' swapped a sample each.  It was all going so well, C was saying how tasty the hot wings were and Hubby was commenting on the flavour and lack of heat in the prawn coating was just right because of the heat in the dip; in fact they were like two little old men putting the world to rights.  

Meanwhile, A and I were busy sampling each other's cocktails on the other side of the table because you know; a girl has to have some priorities in life.

It got to the point that Hubby sampled the hot wing and honestly all he took was one bite and I swear he almost had a coronary.  Now, he doesn't really like stuff too hot I will admit, though he is getting better over time, but apparently the hot wing was beyond hot.  So it was probably unfair that C, A and I found it almost one of the funniest moments of the day.

In fact, a day later Hubby mentioned that he had taken the skin off the roof of his mouth just eating that one bite.  Why would anyone want to eat something so hot that it would be dangerous for your health?  The fact that a hot wing can take the skin off the roof of one's mouth may explain why C looked like this an hour after eating his wings.....the sauce actually burnt his chin!  C still maintained that they were not 'too hot'.  All I ask is why would you?!

Should we rethink the non-title 'masochist'?