21 years went by in a flash

So.....Beautiful B's 21st was yesterday but we have had 2 days of celebration and today is the first chance to post before we have another day of celebrations on Monday. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, initially I did not know what to feel. It was only 2 months after I finished contraception to try for a baby and I hadn't expected it to be so quick....you know, being 20 and naïve.  That soon changed though when I thought about how much love I was going to shower her with. And yes, I said boy because I only ever wanted a girl and if she had been born a boy I may have asked them to put her back. 

Beautiful B was incredibly easy to carry, at least until the heartburn started with a vengeance. I can thank Beautiful B for teaching me how to sleep sitting up as a result of the heartburn.  Thanks to worry that she may have a blockage in her oesophagus I was scanned monthly up to 32 weeks pregnant and had some lovely scan photos as a result. 

30 hours of pain and I had a baby girl, who clearly wondered what all the fuss was about and I was lucky enough to share the moment with her dad and my mum.  She defied so many expectations, needing baby rice at 4 weeks because she wasn't big enough for all the milk she needed, to being in 18month old clothes until she was 3 1/2 years old. 

Since then she has been so incredibly strong. Yes, she's had moments where I wondered if I could put up with another tantrum and she was more stubborn that me and her dad put together but we loved her for her independence and we couldn't have the best of both worlds. 

Like all of us Beautiful B has had her struggles but thanks to the help of some incredibly talented people she learned to cope with her feelings and to verbalise them in a grown up and adult way and she was able to see both sides of a discussion, something few people her age could. 

It helped her to deal with the loss of her father and 3 year old sister at the young age of 17, well as best she could and though she still struggles with missing them she can verbalise it and get the support she needs.  I felt guilty for not being able to help her through it better at the time but looking back I know I did all I can and Beautiful B would tell me she couldn't have gone through it without me. 

Beautiful B has had a lovely boyfriend for over 3 years who was amazingly supportive through the grieving process and he continues to support her in so many things. Secretly I hope they get married just not for a good few years and babies even later because hello I'm grey enough as it is! 

It hard to look at Beautiful B and know what she has gone through to make her who she is today and while I wish she hadn't had to go through all those things they have helped to shape her into an incredible young woman. Like all of us at her age, she doesn't know what career she wants to do for the rest of her life but whatever she eventually settles on I know that she will enrich it with her empathy, compassion, and love.

Beautiful B's ability to smile at the worst of times, and on those bad days gives others a reason to do the same; she is an example for us all to follow.  Yes, she has her bad days and like me she constantly doubts herself and her abilities and I wish I had a magic mirror that I could hold up to her so she could see what others see in her.  It's a pity that, for us women, that sort of confidence comes with age and so she is a few years off yet.  In the meantime, it's my role to remind her often.  

I look at Beautiful B and struggle to see how 21 years has gone by. It doesn't seem like 18 years ago she was toddling around with bright blonde pigtails and posing for photos with one hand behind her head, striking a model pose.  Or 18 years ago that she had us in stitches at Busch Gardens in Florida playing in the water fountains.  Or 16 years ago that her first ever uniform was the smallest size but still far too big for her and Nanny had to take in a tiny little school skirt so that it would fit. Or 5 years ago that she took our breath away in her school prom dress. 

I hope that I did what I set out to do and tell her often that I love her so much so that the times I did discipline her she still knew I worshipped her. In fact, I know she did because she tells me often that she knew and knows I love her so much and has thanked me for being strict with her, to have taught her respect and manners.  

I smile now, to see her in her own home, keeping it clean and although the constant reminding to be tidy and clean up after herself drove me mad when she lived her obviously was worthwhile. 

This last week we have both been on annual leave and have had the chance to spend time together on days out, stay home and watch films and laugh. One of the best things about Beautiful B having her own home is that there is no discipline now, just the laughter side of the relationship, the best parts; those that the relationship building over 21 years has achieved. 

Hubby and I cannot express just how much love and pride we feel for Beautiful B, for everything she has worked hard to achieve and for how incredibly strong she is to get through what she has. Somehow, Hubby, me and my mum and dad have managed to instill some wonderful values in her and I feel such love and pride every time someone tells me how lovely my daughter is. 

One day, she will make an amazing wife and mother. Just as much as she is a wonderful daughter. Never do I doubt her love for me because, just as I tell her often she also tells me how much she loves me. 

I know that I have struggled to articulate my love for her on this post but I do know that it is endless and will continue to grow. I used to think that I needed and wanted a successful career but you know what I worked out a couple of years ago?  That Beautiful B was my career, that my biggest goal in life was to fetch her up, her knowing that I loved her, to teach her to show love herself, for her to be a productive member of society and to forever strive to help her to become who she wants to be.  That became what is important to me.  No, it won't make me rich in monetary value and it doesn't pay the bills.  I do worry that she is a worrier and I blame myself for that and yet that is something we can work on together because becoming successful in that is better than any promotion I could get at work. 

My legacy will be Beautiful B and do you know what, if she didn't grow emotionally any more than she is at this exact moment in time I have achieved that legacy and I'm very very proud of that because she is beautiful, caring, loving, sweet, empathetic, gorgeous, respectful, giving, hard-working, and a proud young woman and has so much to give to society. While she may currently be questioning whether she wants to be a nurse all her life I know that whatever she decides on it will be something where she can give back to those who need help.  

 

So, to my Beautiful B, you are my world, always will be and you are my legacy.  Nothing else I ever achieve in my life will be better than what I have achieved with you. You are the best daughter I could ever wish for.  

With all my love and heart, until all the stars fall out of the sky. Xxxxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxxxx

3 days and counting

3 days and my baby is 21 years old. 21!! Still not sure where the time has gone. 

We had a lovely day in Bury on Saturday and today we are out with my Mum and Dad at somewhere called Bygone Times. 

It is like an indoor antiques market but it also has things collected from house sales so there are some good deals to be had. 

I love a good mooch around as long as it isn't clothes shopping; unfortunately my bank balance doesn't so today is likely to be window shopping. 

Beautiful B is an old soul in a young body and so also loves this sort of thing so is tagging along with the 'old folk'. 

This week is time to spend with my baby as she is on leave from work too. Tomorrow is a film day where we intend to watch all 3 Jurassic Park films in preparation for the new film released on the 11th. 

Thursday she is out with her Dad's family for her birthday which will be bitter sweet as her Dad won't be there. A huge cake has been bought. 

Friday is her actual 21st and thank goodness I reserved her cake for Monday when she is at mine for a family meal. It gives her chance to eat / share one cake before she gets another! Friday will be a day of visiting relatives. 

Saturday Beautiful B, being an old soul, didn't want a huge party. Instead she wants to visit York to go to the museum and the old prison. Sadly I can't be with her because Abi fluff is due to have babies that day so I am on birthing duty. 

Monday Beautiful B is at our house for a family meal. The birthday cake is far to big for the number coming but I figured she would want to share it with her Dads family, friends, nursing colleagues and her patients. Yes, I did order it before I knew her Dads family had also ordered her a huge cake and yes, I am either mad or too kind hearted to think about her work colleagues and patients. But hey ho,  who doesn't like cake?! 

Is it selfish of me to hope for this so called Spanish heatwave to hit the UK on the weekend and Monday so we can have a BBQ on the Monday?  Not least because Hubby can be responsible for making sure no-one is poisoned being the better cook of the two of us? 

The things I do for my best friend!

I have just realised that today is my 400th post.  I don't think I have ever done 400 of anything unless you could drink cans of pop or eating chocolate bars.....

It is only fitting therefore that today's post was is one I wrote that week and scheduled and just happens to be about one of my best friends.  The fact that it is about Angel is just by pure chance - that and the fact that she has a huge birthday coming up.

One of my best friends, Angel, who I have known since I was 12 years old is 40 in August.  When she was asked by her Hubby what she wanted to do for her birthday she said that she wanted to spend it with those that she loved and that loved her.

Her Hubby sent out a text message explaining what she wanted to 38 of her closest family and friends telling us that he had booked and paid for a lodge big enough for us all to spend the weekend and celebrate Angel’s birthday with her – yes, she is that loved, wonderful in every way that she has 38 people who love her.  I certainly could not make such a list for myself.

Anyhoo, Angel’s Hubby surprised her with his plan and since then she and her family have been planning what the weekend will consist of.  She told me that the Saturday night will be devoted to a fancy dress party.

My heart sank!  For me and for my Hubby.  I am very much an introvert and the idea of having to dress up is terrifying and more so because I am at my biggest weight ever.  I somehow had in my head that the theme was ‘What you wanted to be when you grew up’ so that was easy – nursing scrubs for me and football shorts for Hubby as a) he is obsessed with football and b) he already has Lord knows how many football shirts.  Unfortunately, I think the theme was just wishful thinking on my part!

When the finalised plans were sent out I discovered that the theme is ‘Stars of stage and screen.’  Great, so I had to find a fat role and no idea what for Hubby.

Eventually, I discovered that I could go as the Scream character as I could get an outfit in my size and it would hide it somewhat.  Hubby could go as Bruce Willis in Die Hard; that way he could still where his jeans and all I had to get was a white vest and muddy it up a bit.  I thought that would mean he was as comfortable as he could be.

However, Hubby appears to have blanked the fancy dress out of his mind considering it too terrifying to recall.  I am convinced he was nearly in tears when I told him what the theme was and what I thought we could go as.

I felt so sorry for him because he hates fancy dress as I do, he would prefer to blend in with people and hates calling any attention to himself.  Regardless of the fact that everyone else will be in fancy dress he will still feel that too much attention is on him.  I feel the same way but unlike me, the only people he knows are Angel, her Hubby and her kids.  At least I will know, even if on a very small measure, about 10 people there. 

So Hubby told me to leave it with him.  He knows he can’t refuse to go and he knows that he cannot refuse to do fancy dress as that would call even more attention to him and he would not dream of refusing Angel’s request. 

Two days later, in the car on the way to work, he said that he had been thinking about it and thought it better for he and I to go as a linked theme.  When he said that he thought that I could go as a minion and he could go as the main male character I nearly crashed the car!

So, wait!  Instead of just having to wear a dirty white vest he thinks that it would be better for me to have to go out and find him a black jacket and a scarf and a top?!  Hubby didn’t even wear a jacket for our wedding! 

I’m confused.  Angel thinks it is a brilliant idea especially because she thinks I am crazy enough to be a minion and therefore it suits my character.  I would prefer the Scream fancy dress as I can hide.  There is no hiding as a minion.

Shopping for the required clothing is going to be a damn nightmare!  I don't think they do the outfit in my size.

Shopping will also include the acquisition of a lot of vodka and beer so that we can get drunk very quickly in the hopes that we won’t care what we are dressed as.

I wonder if I could get yellow body paint anywhere……

Five already? Where does the time go?

Despite feeling ill I made it to a party on Tuesday night.  

 

The previous week I got out of my sick bed to spend a little time with my God-daughter who came to visit me; though I suspect she was more interested in seeing the dogs. She did manage to invite me to her birthday party in between cuddling the dogs and trying to get to Lily who had promptly gone to hide behind the chair.  After all, Lily is not overly keen on hugs from us and we own her!

 

After asking Emilia if she was 10 already or 8 or 3 or 4 she told me proudly she was 5 this year.  Emilia has always been very very bright and the conversations she had with us at 2 and a half years old were what we would expect from a 4 year old so talking to her now is like talking to a little girl of 8 or 9.  

 

She informed me that she would like a trampoline for her birthday which wasn't overly helpful for me because her mum and dad were buying that for her.  3 years before I had taken Emilia to Build A Bear for her Christmas present and she had proudly 'given life' to Hello Kitty.  Having kitted Hello Kitty out in 2 outfits we exited the shop and Hello Kitty spent the first year sleeping with Emilia at night until she got her very own bed last year.

 

This year our birthday present was to give Hello Kitty a summer shorts and top combo with the most psychodelic sandals I could find (the latter specifically because Emilia's mum and one of my best friends, Kirsten would LOVE them).

 

Emilia's 'real' party is on Saturday so this was for a small select number of Emilia's friends (4 of them) and her parents, grandmother and us.  Pass the Parcel was played during which Emilia joined in with all the words of the latest Gary Barlow song, lots of jumping on the trampoline was done and the adults endured lots of screaming and shouts and the requisite few tears.

 

When the children went home Kirsten sat down and said 'Thank goodness for that' and I laughed because we were all thinking the same thing.  I have so much respect for anyone who has more than one child.  

 

The children were lovely but noisy and I endured the dizziness and feeling sick so that I could help look after the children, especially the one who decided to whizz round the garden on the bike so he couldn't stop.

 

Little Emilia is amazing, though not so little, and is so very bright for her age.  Intelligence beyond her years and yet she still loves her cuddles, and wanted to sit on my knee for a snuggle after she changed into her PJs for bed.  

 

I am graced with being her Godmother and I adore seeing her.  Watching her grow and knowing that every time we visit she will not go to bed until we leave as she spends all night showing me different toys and having snuggles.  

 

Yesterday took me back to when Beautiful B was small and all of her birthday parties.  Beautiful B is all grown up and now saving her money to move in with her boyfriend and so I am honoured to have Emilia so that I can stay in the moment and enjoy the freedom of expression and innocence of a child.

 

Happy Birthday for Tuesday Emilia.  I will still be snuggling you at your next one!

Dozy moments

If there is one thing that I have managed to pass onto my daughter it is my ability to say dozy things before I have engaged my brain and thought about it.

Latest examples of my genes being passed to my Beautiful B:

R:     Just received a text from my aunty.  She says she just saw a mouse run across the room so she is going to get a cat.

BB:  What is a cat going to do?!

After doing a 12 mile bike ride in training for a 60 mile bike challenge:

BB:  My bum feels heavy.

Me:  So your bum muscles don't feel tight then, just heavy?

Watching a quiz show on TV with a question about Opera:

BB:  Is Opera it's own language?

No response, just laughing with her.

I love my Beautiful B so much.  She is so cute and comments such as this aren't because she isn't clever, just that she is dizzy and doesn't think before asking a question.  Having said that I can't tell what Operatic singers are saying and as I don't listen to that kind of music she would never have had the opportunity to discover that they sing in all languages.

Similarly we have dogs not cats and I have obviously neglected to tell her a lot when she was growing up including how cats chase mice (and birds) and leave them as presents on the doorstop for you (don't they Rachel...).

She is obviously in a world of her own and our latest conversation proves it!  Beautiful B is 20 years old next month and yes, I have absolutely no idea where the last 20 years have gone.  Her boyfriend has finally been sensible and instead of buying used cars from an auctioneer he has decided to buy a brand new car, to which Beautiful B and I breathed a sigh of relief after the last one set itself on fire. 

His purchase of a vehicle has, however, prompted Beautiful B to decide to take up her driving lessons again which she put on hold last year.  She came in the room I work in this morning and told me she was going to book driving lessons and had a question about her birthday present.

I am expecting a request of money to put towards some driving lessons for her and thinking to myself about whether to tell her we had intended to buy her something different.  Different being a pair of proper cycling shorts, amongst other bike related things, so her bum does not get heavy so quickly.

Instead I was asked for a car!  Makes sense now that her boyfriend has bought one; after all, his will be on finance but will cost him less each month than a procession of old and knackered cars constantly requiring mechanical help.  Luckily he has gone for a small economical car so I don't have to worry about any drag racing. And of course, if he has one then Beautiful B will obviously start thinking how great it would be to have a little run around.

Today's kids seem to want everything immediately don't they?

So I told her no!  Asked her how much she thought we earned and whether she thought I would be driving round in a 6 year old car if I could afford a new one.  To which her response was that an old one would be fine.  I know this was tongue in cheek and she knew the answer before she asked the question but then she is a trier!

After 'negotiation' I have offered to discuss with Hubby whether we should contribute to driving lessons instead of buying her bicycle equipment that will help her training.  With a not so gentle reminder that as children get older the amount spent on them for Christmas and Birthdays reduces.

Or is it just my family that doesn't spend most of their savings on their children when they get older unless it is a 'special' birthday such as a 21st or 40th? 



10 hours and counting

 

10 hours is how long I have left before I get on a train with this beautiful but equally as nutty person as me.....

 to go to London and we are leaving this wonderful and sensible man.....

 

to look after these babies.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having already laughed at how excited I was this morning I am not sure he will be able to cope with the level of excitement he experiences when he gets home and finds me packing my suitcase now that all of the chores are.  I am convinced he will be secretly relieved when I go to bed early in a bid to avoid what could be an inevitable crash at around 5pm tomorrow night....After all, I already know the minions have how I am going to feel at the beginning of the trip and how I am going to feel after I get home just after midnight on Monday night after walking around London for 4 full days and nights.

 

 

Worth it?  Most Definitely!  Thank you my darling Beautiful B for such a wonderful birthday gift.  Please don't spend as much on me next year....a lovely card and a kiss will be great.

 



Excited....much

I'm easily excited and as it was my birthday on Tuesday I was allowed more than usual.  I was spoilt as I spent Monday evening with my 4 best friends drinking cocktails and having a lovely meal and Tuesday evening at the cinema with Beautiful B, Hubby and Ry.  Yesterday was a 12 hour day at work but we won't dwell on that.  Today I am off work.

 

It is 6.41am and this time tomorrow Beautiful B and I will have been on a train nearly 2 hours travelling to our capital, London to see the sites and spend some quality mother/daughter time together.  My daughter spends far to much on me and does not understand the concept of a birthday card and a small gift and this year she visited various members of my family asking for their birthday gift to be money that she could put towards the trip.

 

Like I said truly spoiled!

 

To say I am excited is a slight understatement and although I have drawn up a list of chores to do I have added little extras like a full list of what I need to pack, transferring money to another account to spend in London.....you know, just as a reminder so I can get giddy...okay, in reality I have OCD and live by lists.

 

I want to get through all the mundane chores this morning so that I can get to the important things such as packing this afternoon and have that done before Hubby comes home from work.

 

An early night is called for as our first train is at 4.30am so we will be awake from 3am if we get any sleep at all because it is a bit like Christmas Eve when I was 5 years old and I might just not sleep because I can't wait for morning to come.

 

I kind of need someone to do this....but it's not gooing to work even if someone said it. (My apologises if anyone is offended by the language).

On a completely different note IOS 7 was downloaded for the new iPhone 5 last night.  Beautiful B and I said "Ooooooh" at the same time once we saw the new look. 

I'm now downloading ALL of my music from the iCloud as the computer has been cleaned up and can store that much data and I may have gotten a bit carried away with having a 64gb iPhone because I can now put ALL my music on it and it has 124 items still to download and has been doing it's business for a good 15 minutes already. Is that the longest running sentance I have ever done?  Maybe.  iTunes may well have to carry on doing it's business on it's own while I am taking my mum-in-law food shopping.

Hubby has just rang; having been out overnight at my brothers as it is closer to his snooker veneu, he is now at work.  So far, I have asked if he is at work; yes, can he start work at 7am; yes, even on a Saturday; cue laughing, it's not Saturday, oh yes, it's friday; no it isn't Ribena, it is Thursday, Ha ha, I'm a bit excited; yes you are aren't you?

On that note I am off now to get dressed, drag a brush through my hair and wash my face to go food shopping, then I can rush through my chores to start the all important packing, crossing things off lists, double checking everything is in the suitcase, going through drawers and the bathroom to check I haven't missed anything.....note, must add iPhone charger to the packing list.

You may or may not get random comments and pictures uploaded over the weekend; or I may just be trying to keep up with Beautiful B and her stuffed full itinery.....

 

 

 

To a wonderful woman

We met nearly 9 years ago and after being introduced to you by Hubby I took to turning up on your front doorstep randomly with flowers and cakes.  It seemed like an excellent idea as you lived about 5 minutes away from where I used to work. 

 

We spent hours talking about how you and Brendan met, about Hubby's childhood and you were kind enough to spend some time showing me photos of Brendan as Hubby still cannot look at photographs of his dad, nearly 10 years after his death.  It is a tradegy that I cannot put any photographs in our house of you and Brendan together because Hubby would be inconsolable.  He is the spitting image of his dad and I wish frequently that I'd had the chance to meet him.

 

Instead I soak up all the memories from you.  Your love for Hubby and his brother is evident in everything you do and people that meet you cannot help but fall in love with you. 

 

Nearly two years ago we got you settled in a small bungalow so that you were no longer struggling with stairs daily and you love your new home.  I love popping round with some of your favourite biscuits, flowers and jigsaws and giving you a call just to see how you are and the joy in your voice at hearing from me makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

 

All the stories of difficult mother-in-laws mean nothing to us because we have never had, and never will have, that kind of relationship.  You love me (and Beautiful B) as your own and you love me because of how much I love your son.  You see how happy we are together and laugh at the banter between us in the car on trips out and all you have ever wanted is for you sons to be happy. 

 

Trust me, I am more than high maintenance for Hubby but not because I am demanding but because he is a natual worrier and my health gives him more to worry about than one would normally expect.  We both know, however, that he wouldn't want it any other way as he has to be worrying about someone and so I fit that bill perfectly.  Personally I wish that I gave Hubby and you less to worry about.

 

I am so very glad that we get on so well and that I make Hubby so very happy and as a result you know you have nothing to fear in that domain.  For your age, and of course I won't say what it is, you get around very well and are more independant than I suspect I will be at your age.  We get on so well because we are both a bit scatty, have strange and funny ways of remembering things (or forgetting things as the case may be) and we laugh at how similar we can be. 

 

This year, your birthday is extra special as Hubby's brother is taking you on a trip to see where he lives, the first time you will have seen it since he moved to Bristol.  You will see some beautiful historical sites along the way and visit friends you haven't seen for years before you return home and we all have a family meal together.  You have your trusty camera and I look forward to sitting with you going through the photos and enjoying the stories.

 

Thank you for accepting me into your life and loving me the way you do.  You have brought something extra special to my life and my marriage to your son.  You know that I would lay my life down for your son if needed and you know how much I adore your son.  I love you more than you know.

 

I wish you a wonderful birthday this year, as I do every year and I wish I was going to the Hot Ice Show with you.  All my Love xxx

 

 

It seems like only yesterday....

Today, 19 years ago Beautiful B was born at 11.06am after starting the habit of her childhood and taking her own time to decide when she was going to make an appearance.  She was reflective from the minute she was born, led in her little fish tank crib staring at me nice and quiet, seemingly deciding if she liked the look of me on the outside.

Despite years and years of being handed other peoples babies and not knowing what to do with them, I was different with Beautiful B different from day one and we were attached to one another – she would lie on me for hours gripping my finger and refusing to let go; except when she puked up her milk each and every time she ate.  Looking back now, I should have tried a different formula but at 21 years old I tried everything else but that.

Petrified that she had the blockage that they had forewarned and scanned me for throughout my pregnancy I worried when she was first sick in the hospital while everyone else thought the distance she projected it was impressive!  I have weird friends and family!  Watching her under the scanning machine while they checked her insides was heart breaking but the news was good and 3 days later we were home. 

Within 6 weeks milk wasn’t enough for Beautiful B and she was too small to take the amount she needed to fill her up so the health visitor suggested baby rice.  Cue the beginning of Beautiful B being weaned onto real food earlier than anyone else ever expected.  True to form, she refused all baby food except stewed carrots and the fear of her turning orange at the amount of it she was eating I started giving her home made fare of  spaghetti bolognaise, shepherds pie and stew etc. 

Anyone would have thought that she might want to be an artist after witnessing her nice almost symmetrical square coloured in with a blue biro on a cream leather suite – one has to wonder what they put in baby wipes as those and milk got rid of that pesky square!

Beautiful B has always been small 5 lbs 10 oz when born, at 3 ½ years she was in clothes for an 18 month old and even now, 17 years on she has yet to hit 5 feet and I doubt she ever will.  She is my little bundle of joy; the best things really do come in small packages. 

As all mothers and daughters do we have had our ups and downs, boundaries have been pushed and at times we have gone through the same heart break and helped each other through.  She has been my best friend since the day she was born and as I have said time and time again, she has enough empathy for all the people in the UK.

Learning to let go and accept that she has to experience heartache and that I cannot shield it from her forever because how will she ever cope when she moves out from under my wing has been both hard and heart breaking.  Yet, she has done us proud showing the determination to see the silver lining in every cloud.  Despite thinking that I haven’t purposely brought her up to think in such a way I have obviously done so by some other method, maybe osmosis, as she lives by the same values that I try and demonstrate daily. 

I have had 3 conversations in as many days about how time flies, how it doesn’t seem that long ago that she was an 11 year old telling me that the Hubby I would marry in a few year was ‘most definitely not only 32 because his mother was far too old to have a 32 year old’.  It doesn’t seem like 6 years ago that he moved in and Beth sat on the bed while we unpacked his belongings laughing at my attempt to show him how to fold a jumper ‘correctly’.  It certainly doesn’t seem as long ago as it was when she told me that ‘she knew something I didn’t know’ because Hubby had asked her permission to marry me.

Yes, I wish I could take away the heart ache that she has suffered over the past 10 years, any mother would, and certainly over the last 2-3 years yet experiencing that heart ache, and hopefully feeling that she was supported through it, most if not all of the time, has helped shape her into the wonderful young woman that she is today.  I can and do hate that she has had to go through it but I love the person she is turning out to be because of it – if only there was a way to do that minus the heartache.

She is a young woman who has listened to her mum when she told her repeatedly that she needed to find ‘another Hubby’; someone who would treat her like a queen but not spoil her, someone who would love her for who she is, what she has experienced and could help carry some of the baggage that she hasn’t yet been able to let go off.  She has found him and to watch her be so very happy with him is magical.

One day my daughter will fly the nest, I won’t just have a house that has felt very quiet for 2 weeks, I will have it for an extended period of time and although I know that is what I am grooming her for, to continue to be the productive member of society that she is, to be loving and caring, respectful and empathetic and I am not quite sure that I will find that ‘quietness’ at all comfortable to cope with.

For now, I will enjoy having my daughter at home, who will forever be my little Beautiful B, both in nature, mind and body (as she can’t really help being a shrimpit), telling me about her day, coming to me for hugs and affection and I will savour every minute of it.  If the rate at how fast the last 19 years have gone it won’t be too long before she leaves to live a life full of the lessons I have taught her.

I only hope that I have shown her, throughout the years, just how much she is loved and adored.  That she has always known that I love her, no matter what and that she hears it frequently.  I will always adore my daughter, until the stars fall out of the sky, and I hope that I have achieved a little of what I set out to do and that is to show my daughter just how much she is loved and that she passes that message on and more to her own children over time.

Happy 19^th birthday my Beautiful B. The number of years that have gone by disappear in a heart beat as I can still see you as you were when you were given to me and my first words were ‘oooh I have a baby’.

An ode to my 'bestie' Rachel

Today is Rachel's birthday and as I love her I thought I would do a post in her honour.  8 years ago Rachel and I met through our boyfriends who had known each other for years. We were the odd two out as the other 4 in the group had worked together and had so much in common; we laughed at their stories of old and started new ones of our own. 

Like me Rachel can be quite shy when first meeting new people and we initially bonded over our shared 'newness' to the group.  Over time our common traits have bonded us to become best friends.  Like me, Rachel likes cleanliness but she takes the ocdishness to another level!  I like things tidy and clean; Rachel is almost obsessive - I colour co-ordinate clothes in wardrobes - light to dark because it makes sense - Rachel colour co-ordinates the hangers too.

Rachel is TALL, well compared to us short girlies - see how she bends down to lean on my shoulder in the wedding photograph above? 

On my hen weekend we thought it would be funny to stand her next to Beautiful B, who as you know, is 4 foot nothing.......   As you can see from the photograph below - Beautiful B is highly impressed as our demonstation of height differences.

Rachel is extremely close to her mum and fiercely protective of her family and friends.  Not afraid to voice her opinion if she feels something is unjust is another reason that she and I bond so well.

Rachel has two kittens to my four dogs and what I love about her is that, unlike others, she is quite happy for Fredster to bound about like a puppy around her and lie on her knee (probably crushing a thigh in the process) and he doesn't feel left out. 

Hubby and I taught Rachel and her hubby to be how to play poker, which while highly stacked in our favour at the moment won't be for long as Rachel has an incredibly sharp mind which serves her well at work and provides me with a wealth of knowledge to store for any future promotions....

Rachel and I share a love of books though even I cannot compete with the number of books that she reads.  On the annual holiday with her mum Rachel can read 14 books in 14 days - that makes for an expensive hobby; albeit a great way of discovering new authors for me!

It is thanks to Rachel that my wedding went so well; not only did she organise people so that her hubby to be, who takes the most fantastic photographs, could take the wedding photos but she also got up at the crack of dawn to drive to the reception venue and lay out all of the tables and decorate the room.  Her stories of ensuring all the knives and forks were straight and the favours aligned identically had me in hysterics but I wouldn't have expected anything less.

Rachel tells me off for working too hard, in fact, even on her birthday today after discovering my intention to do accounts and ironing I have been reminded that I am on annual leave and should be relaxing especially as I am childless for two weeks.  Even on her birthday she concentrates on others more than herself.

For some reason Rachel thinks I am funny; I disagree.  The fact that I randomly say what is running through my head may provide comedy value it is purely unintentional.  However, all I know is that when we get together we spend the time laughing and that is priceless.

Rachel, thank you so much for being one of my best friends, thank you for listening to my woes, thank you for being there for me as I am for you, thank you for everything you do for me, thank you for your love. 

Have a fantabulous day and I hope the weather improves for your family BBQ.  If not, give hubby to be an umbrella to stand under while he cooks the burgers in the rain while the rest of you stand dry and warm indoors with a good glass of red!

See you soon sweetie.



 

Five Things Friday – the CenterParcs addition

Now don’t moan you all knew this was coming.  It had to happen; I spend a whole 3 and ½ days there, admittedly over half of it in some form of alcoholic inebriation.  So I thought what I would do this week is five things I liked/love about CenterParcs.

The surroundings

I live in what can be considered to be a small town compared to some; famously (somewhat) known to be one of the most deprived towns in the country but ignoring that there are lots and lots of buildings.  You could argue there are lots of buildings at CenterParcs and there are but they are cabins and made of wood so don’t count.  The others are admittedly buildings but they contain wonders such as pancakes, fajitas, ice-cream, alcohol, bowling alleys, spas, swimming pools and not necessarily in that order.

We will ignore the fact that I am incredibly stupid when after driving up to the reception gate/desk and being welcomed with “Hello Mrs D, how are you today?” I responded with “Wow, that is really clever!  How did you know it was me?!” as Hubby looked at me in complete amazement at my stupidity and instead concentrate on how my shoulders relaxed as soon as me and my little car drove up the winding road surrounded by trees.

We will ignore me bouncing up the drive after parking the car (as much as asthma would allow) saying in a sing song voice “Hello little squirrels, where are youuuuuu?”  It is no wonder really that none of them were in sight for the whole stay except the one time a lonesome squirrel deemed it safe to pass by our wooden home because I was sleeping.

Demonstrating no low branches and some green, shut up!  It was April!

It was clear that the lower branches of the trees had been cut off.  Not really thinking the reason through I was most disappointed that being 5 ft nothing meant that even craning my neck to look at the higher branches I was unlikely to see any elusive squirrels.  I will admit, grudgingly, that it does make sense to cut off lower branches to curtail any young whipper snapper of boys trying to alternatively climb trees and break legs and such.

The huge shower and Jacuzzi bath

An added bonus because despite picking a higher spec wooden home than C and A would normally book for a holiday I had neglected to check nearer our holiday what was actually provided so I excited to say the least at the discoveries.  It was a good job young whipper snappers were not about as I my head and mouth had disengaged from each other and my mouth obviously felt the need to just provide a running commentary of what was going through my mind when I forgot that people were near when I verbalised the benefits of such a huge shower. 

Nor is it a good job to ignore the advice you provide your Beautiful B with when shopping, that being that things should not be touched unless you intend to buy/use them because when you discover that the bath is also a Jacuzzi going “Oooooh” at the same time as pressing a button means the Jacuzzi function will engage and you will dance around the bathroom trying to turn it off because there is absolutely no water in the bath!

You will also be disappointed that no-one had realised it was a Jacuzzi bath when it was full of cold water trying to cool the beer bottles down because that would just have been WICKED!

The Spa……..OBVIOUSLY

Being on holiday means that you can ignore the inflated price of all things, especially those that provide a nice relaxing back, neck and shoulder massage!  While A and I partook of the spa Hubby and C played pool.


You can then plot with one of your best friends A to find a way of being able to afford a spa session at least once a month.  Now if only I can get Hubby to realise just how bad for him 2 bottles of Rose wine are for him each month – I mean, it doesn’t even have the benefits of reducing heart disease like red wine. 

The Alcohol….and pancakes

Not together because…just urgh!

Added Alcohol!

Alcohol was plentiful and as we were childless we did not have to worry about drinking during the day or too much at night.  Having packed a couple of crates of beer and a bottle of vodka with plentiful amounts of lemonade and coke we thought we were well stocked – not so much it appears.  Despite buying copious amount of alcohol each afternoon and evening we not only managed to deplete our wooden home’s stock but had to buy more! 

Being a big kid I was more than excited by The Pancake House on the complex but had to wait 2 whole days before everyone agreed to go.  Granted I could have gone on my own but that would have eaten into valuable drinking time.

Playing safe on the first visit I settled for a banoffee pancake but insisted on going back on the morning we were travelling home to have breakfast to sample the forest fruits one.  I was quite proud of being the only adult in there, for a while, eating a pancake with fruit, ice-cream and cream for breakfast instead of a savoury pancake.

I have to admit that a sweet pancake with a side of nachos, cheese and salsa for breakfast is a little strange.

Friends and Family

Partners in crime

A much needed holiday for my brother C who has lost his mum and dad within 6 months of each other (good idea to mention here that he is my ex brother-in-law but will always be my brother) and A who has helped him through it all.  Watching him relax and enjoy himself was good enough for me and as Hubby is his best friend he was surrounded by people that love him. 

All I can say is that I am grateful that the one night I took myself off to bed before everyone else (after falling asleep on the couch and not being woken up by the popcorn thrown at me for 10 minutes) I slept soundly enough not to hear Hubby and C get louder with each vodka they drank; unfortunately not the case for poor A.

A taking a photo of me taking a photo of her..

I am completely relaxed with C and A; and of course Hubby.  I tend to completely revert to being more than a bit mental and dizzy when around C because besides Hubby, Beautiful B, Rachel, Angel and A he truly accepts me for who I am and strangely enough finds me more than a little amusing and loves me for it.  

Although technically I am older than him (by all of just over 2 months) he is my big brother and surrounds me with love and huge bear hugs every time he sees me.  He is also incredibly laid back and if we heard “Whatever you like” once this weekend we heard it 20 times. 

Hubby's addition to the birthday message

Hubby was 40 on the Sunday of our stay and not being one for the centre of attention a quiet trip away with loved ones was just what he needed and much more his cup of tea.  We gave him his wish except for the 5 minutes he had to stand in a crowded restaurant while everyone sang Happy Birthday to him.   Oh and lets not forget the bowling where his name on the scoreboard was “Birthday Boy” instead of Hubby and a tickertape message ran across all screens wishing him a wonderful birthday – not that I had anything to do with that [whistle].


Not great focus - blame the laughing



A weekend being myself surrounded by love, laughter, fun and games – not much more you can ask for.

Celebrations are a coming....

Today marks the 21st birthday of Beautiful B's boyfriend, Ry.  He has almost become a permanent fixture at our house over the past 18 months and it seriously does not seem that long ago that he walked into my daughter's life.  

I always said that Beautiful B needed to find a boyfriend just like Hubby and Ry reminds me so much of him....without all the sport and old programme watching!  

Ry has been a rock for Beautiful B throughout the loss of her sister and father and let's face it, having only been together for 3 months he could so easily have decided he did not need the hassle and walk away.  The fact that he didn't and stayed to hold her hand along with Hubby and is all the testimony I need to be convinced just how much he loves my Beautiful B.

Ry has had more than his fair share of heartache for a 21 year old and has suffered loss like no 21 year old should have to.  Whether that has helped shape him into the great person he is now or whether he has always been like he is does not matter; all I know is that he has helped guide Beautiful B down a road she was too young to have to walk.

Whilst the devotion he feels for Beautiful B is clear, he tempers that with providing a grounding for Beautiful B using one liners and quips to make her (and us) laugh.  I have lost count of the number of times that Beautiful B has been inconsolable one minute but within half an hour he has her laughing so loud that we can hear the peels of laughter throughout the house.  He provides something for her that I doubt anyone else could provide so well.

Ry holds his cards close to his chest and while he has a strength that I have never seen before in a man so young he also has a vulnerable side.  While it sounds selfish I have to say that mixture works so well for Beautiful B as he can empathise with her feelings of loss and anger but provides the strength to help her move on with her life.

I only hope that one day Ry is able to confide in Hubby and I if needed so that we can provide the strength he may sometimes need.  

He is taking my daughter on her first holiday abroad and I will worry less because she is with him; in fact, I would have banned any attempt by Beautiful B to go abroad with a bunch of girlfriends. Ry will provide her a safety net and as he is the sensible one of the couple and will temper Beautiful B's enthusiasm with reality.  I am not convinced that he would be able to talk her out of an excursion to see the turtles but I also know that he wouldn't try as she so desperately wishes to see them and so he will move heaven and earth to make sure she does.

I have to accept my Beautiful B is growing up and while I worry about whether she is sufficiently worldly wise to move out of hour home and set up a little homestead with Ry I know that there are no safer hands for her to be in and that is high praise indeed from me.

So, Happy 21st Birthday Ry.  Hubby and I hope you have a great one!  We will be celebrating it with you tonight and I look forward to meeting your family for the first time.  Are you as excited as I am or wondering already how I will manage to embarrass myself with them?

xxxxx